Male Call. Heather Macallister

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СКАЧАТЬ is play) details of Victorian woodwork.

      ENTER: (unless is movie, then camera zooms in through window) Handsome, with an air of superiority that he tries to hide, charismatic doorman, clearly bound for greater things.

      (Note to self: decide if writing a play or movie)

      A Skirt in San Francisco

      A Play in Three Acts

      by Franco Rossi

      Act One, Scene One.

      A world-renowned parapsychologist, acting as a doorman, (see above description) successfully rents his apartment to three women who will time-share during the week. The possessor of a skirt, which, legend has it, attracts men (and he must rely on legend since he is immune to the skirt), he awaits the opportunity to study the skirt’s effects firsthand.

      (Note to self: keep it snappy, keep it moving)

      Ms. Monday-Tuesday is a preoccupied computer programmer. Very smart, but very unaware. Nice eyes and hair—needs a trim—has no clue how to dress, presumably a good figure, but how would one know beneath the sleeping bag she wears as a coat? Wants to give city living a try and a break from long commute.

      Ms. Wednesday-Thursday is looking for her father. Something mysterious going on there. Must explore.

      Sadly, Ms. Friday-Saturday used to own the apartment and is attempting to get on with her life after a broken engagement.

      (Note to self: take notes before writing script.)

      (Additional note to self: Wear earplugs only if sitting in foyer, otherwise cannot hear doorbell.)

      IT HAD BEEN several days since Zach had seen the homeless person. He hadn’t meant to scare her—he’d decided the person was a “her”—but that might be the best thing if it had sent her on home. These runaways took to the streets thinking it was a solution to their problems. Maybe in some cases it was, but that kid was too soft for that kind of life.

      And then this morning, there she was again, dragging her belongings behind her. She hadn’t had the duffel when he’d seen her last week. He wondered if she’d stolen it or accepted a handout from somebody.

      Surreptitiously from his perch on the ladder, Zach watched her climb the steps to a Victorian across the street and was more than surprised when that Frank character opened the door and let her in. Moments later, without the duffel, she climbed down the steps and hurried on up the street.

      Zach started down the ladder, intending to check on the guy, but stopped. It wasn’t any of his business. Besides, Frank came and went all the time. If Zach didn’t see him by noon, he’d check up on him then.

      In the meantime, he had some trim to finish tacking up.

      Man, he loved his job. Even when things went wrong, he loved his work.

      Zach had cut out thirty-six linear feet of gingerbread trim. This morning, he was tacking it between the bay window on the ground floor and the upper floor bay window, the oriel, to see how it looked.

      It was an ornate pattern, full of curves and swoops and intricate cutouts because Zach wanted to show off a little bit. He hammered up the three strips, then climbed down the ladder and walked to the edge of the front yard.

      An excellent job, if he did say so himself. But the trim didn’t have the impact he’d thought it would. He tried to imagine various exterior color schemes that would highlight the pattern, but the problem was that the curves and cutouts and curlicues were too small for the scale. The intricacies of the design were lost. Maybe if he painted the house a dark color and the gingerbread white, like icing, it would work.

      He was standing there imagining it when he heard a throat clear behind him and was relieved to see Franco from across the street. He was walking three dogs, yet managed the leashes in a way that told Zach he’d done it many times before.

      “Would you be adverse to a comment from a layman?”

      “Go for it.”

      “The trim doesn’t work.”

      Zach exhaled heavily. “I know.”

      “It’s too fussy.”

      “I prefer ornate.”

      “I prefer ornate, too, but sometimes, less is more, if you know what I mean.”

      Zach had meant the word “ornate,” but he let it pass.

      Franco shifted the leashes to one hand and gestured up and down. “Look at the tailored lines of the house.”

      Zach knew what he meant. “It’s Sticks-Eastlake style. See the square bay window? And there are still some of the original wooden strips outlining it.” Restoration was Zach’s favorite subject. “When the facade is finished, there will be more strips outlining the doors and the framework of the house and then—”

      Franco held up a hand. “My point is that you wouldn’t dress a gloriously statuesque six-foot tall woman in girlish frills and lace, would you?”

      “A gloriously statuesque six-foot tall woman can wear whatever the hell she wants.”

      “No, she can’t.” Franco was firm on this. “She can wear the clean, dramatic lines and bold patterns and color that would overwhelm a more petite woman. Likewise, your house. Enhance. Do not detract.”

      As Franco babbled about Amazons, Zach immediately saw why his previous design hadn’t worked. His curls and curves fought with the clean lines of the house. This particular style of Victorian was known for gingerbread embellishment, but clearly, it had to be the right gingerbread.

      Franco had moved on to domes and turrets, equating them with hats and turbans. Zach wasn’t going in that direction, but he did have another idea for a gingerbread pattern with straight lines and spare curves.

      “You’ve got a good eye,” he said to Franco.

      “Yes. And I’m especially good with colors, should you find yourself in need of a second opinion.”

      In spite of himself, Zach felt the edges of his mouth turn up. “I’ll keep that in mind. Hey, have you seen that homeless girl around here?”

      “One sees so many.”

      “I’m talking about the one you let in this morning.”

      Franco’s face was blank.

      “Giant coat? Funky hat? I know, that sounds like most of them.”

      “Ah.” Franco raised his finger. “I know who you mean. She’s not homeless.”

      Zach exhaled. “Good to hear. I thought she looked a little soft for the streets.”

      “Not to worry.”

      Franco and the dogs walked on and Zach got to work designing a crenelated running trim with wagon wheel spokes that would be a bear to cut out. But worth it.

      OKAY. HERE IT СКАЧАТЬ