Wildfire Sweethearts. Leigh Bale

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СКАЧАТЬ the earth as she headed outside to her truck. The comforting chirp of crickets came from the cluster of boxwoods edging the length of the garage. She glanced at the gleaming lights of the office. At the last moment she veered off course and headed that way. She didn’t know what was driving her, but she had to speak with Sean alone, before she could chicken out. She wanted to find out what he thought about his new assignment. And maybe she might even get him to finally open up and confide in her.

      * * *

      Sean sat at his new desk, his head bowed over a stack of reports and unopened mail. He knew this job well, but with Brian’s sudden departure, there was a lot to catch up on.

      As he reached for the letter opener, a subtle noise drew his attention. He looked up, a rush of surprise washing over him. Tessa stood leaning against the doorjamb, contemplating him with a slight frown.

      “Busy at work, I see,” she said.

      Was it his imagination, or did her voice sound a bit disapproving? He didn’t want any conflict with her right now. Not when he was working so hard to regain the crew’s trust. He’d seen the way the men had looked at him after the FMO announced his promotion. The doubt and hesitancy in their eyes. He’d been a member of this crew for years. If this was his last season fighting fire, he was determined to prove himself worthy of the team.

      “Do you need something?” He spoke in a brusque tone.

      She folded her arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

      “Tell you what?”

      “About your new promotion.”

      He sat back, his chair squeaking. “I only found out myself last night, after I left you.”

      Which was true. He’d known Brian had eloped and was crazy in love. That his new wife lived in Portland and refused to leave. Which meant Brian had to drive six hundred miles one way every weekend to be with her. It was an impossible endeavor once the hotshot crew got busy with the fire season. Sean had known it was just a matter of time before Brian left the squad and someone else was named superintendent. Until last night, he’d expected that to be Rollo. But making arrangements to bury his wife and eldest daughter and help his younger daughter cope with the loss would take some time, so the captain was out of commission for a while. As one of the crew’s two squad leaders, Sean had gotten the job. It had just been one of those things where he was at the right place at the right time for a promotion. But he hadn’t known for sure until he’d received the call from Jared.

      Tessa tilted her head and peered at him as though seeking the truth in his eyes. “Did you suspect this was going to happen?”

      He tightened his jaw. “I don’t know much of anything until they tell me. You know how it works.”

      “How do you feel about this new assignment?” she asked.

      “I feel fine. Why do you ask?” And yet he didn’t feel fine. There had been a time when he would have loved such a promotion. But now he worried that he wasn’t up to the task. He didn’t think he could cope if he lost another man, or woman, under his watch.

      She dropped her arms to her sides and came to stand in front of his scarred wooden desk. Sean’s gaze followed her graceful movements. An old, lingering emotion of attraction filtered through his veins. Why did it have to be this woman who made his heart sing?

      “A lot happened last summer,” she said.

      “And what’s that got to do with my promotion?”

      She lifted a hand, her face creased with exasperation. “Nothing, I guess.”

      She obviously didn’t trust him. Didn’t think he was up to his new assignment. And that bothered him intensely. Because he wanted her to believe in him, even if he no longer believed in himself.

      He forced himself to sit very still and not react. But inside, he felt grouchy. He wasn’t sleeping well. Always on edge. Crowded rooms made him anxious. His heart raced and his palms got clammy for no apparent reason. The lingering symptoms of PTSD. He still hadn’t been able to claw his way out, but he didn’t want to tell Tessa that. It was difficult to pretend their breakup wasn’t hinged on Zach’s death, but Sean knew that was the real cause. He just didn’t know how to get past it and make it right.

      If only he hadn’t taken Zach to work in that chimney area with highly flammable fuels. He’d been Zach’s squad leader. He’d talked it over with Zach and they both thought they could get a jump on the fire. The tactic would have succeeded, too, except that squirrely winds had whipped around so fast, they didn’t know what was happening until it was too late. The winds brought a buttonhook fire racing uphill toward them. With little time to react, Sean had quickly radioed the rest of the crew to warn them to evacuate. They’d all made it to the safety zone, but Sean and Zach couldn’t get there in time. Instead, Sean had tried to take Zach to a previously burned area nearby. It wouldn’t be ideal, but they could deploy their fire shelters and ride out the burnover.

      Zach wouldn’t go. He’d panicked and run the other way. And when Sean had chased after him, Zach had swung his fists so hard that it had knocked Sean down. He’d been dazed as he staggered to his feet. And by the time he’d shaken it off, Zach was gone. Sean thought about going after him, but he knew there wasn’t time. Later, Sean was absolved of any wrongdoing, but he still blamed himself. Because he’d been Zach’s squad leader. Because he’d chosen life instead of trying to find Zach.

      “We’re not together now. We don’t owe each other any explanations,” Sean said.

      Tessa lifted her chin, her golden-brown ponytail bouncing against her shoulders. “You mean you don’t owe me any explanations. Is that it?”

      He never could fool Tessa. She recognized his reservations for what they were. A wall. A shield. To keep her and everyone else out. But he couldn’t talk about Zach’s death right now. He just couldn’t.

      She leaned forward and rested her hands on top of his cluttered desk. “You almost died in that fire with Zach, yet you act as though it never happened. My brother’s death hurt all of us, Sean. It might help if you talk about it.”

      “With you?” he asked.

      “Sure, why not? We were close friends once.”

      He looked away. They’d been more than friends. She’d meant everything to him. “I know, but the reports have been filed. There’s nothing left to say.”

      “Sure there is. I’ve tried to give you time. To let you work through this on your own. But it’s obvious you’re in the same place you were in when I left town last September. Nothing’s changed. Nothing’s gotten better. I know you’re hurting, Sean. But I know there’s something you’re not telling me.”

      He stared back at her, forcing himself not to blink. He couldn’t tell her about his guilt and PTSD. He had to be strong and overcome it on his own. After all, he was in charge of this hotshot crew now.

      “Say something,” she insisted.

      He grit his teeth. “I have nothing else to say.”

      He spoke the words low. He heard the doubt in her voice. An edge of suspicion and resentment. His mind told him he’d done everything right that fateful day, but he couldn’t believe it. He kept replaying different scenarios over in his mind. If only he’d СКАЧАТЬ