Plain Jane and Doctor Dad. Kate Little

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СКАЧАТЬ might say.” She looked down for a moment and gathered her thoughts. “Sometimes when I think about my family life back then, I think it might be unfair to the baby to raise it on my own. I know that there are decent, good people out there who would give an adopted child lots of love and a wonderful home. And sometimes I do feel scared to do this on my own.”

      She felt her throat tighten with emotion, making it hard to continue. She didn’t want to start crying again but felt the tears well up in her eyes. “I don’t know…I just feel so confused, so overwhelmed,” she admitted in a shaky voice.

      Doug touched her shoulder. He seemed about to speak, then stopped himself. She could see he was giving her a moment to calm herself and collect her thoughts again.

      It was still hard for Maura to believe she was pregnant.

      How could she begin to explain it to Doug, when she herself hardly understood how this happened? To her, of all people? She’d always felt that physical intimacy between a man and a woman was a serious step, part of a relationship that included love and commitment. Even so, she had little experience that way and had always been so careful.

      But Scott had had a way of sweeping aside her doubts and Maura had believed that she loved him. She had thought herself so lucky that a successful, good-looking man like Scott had wanted her. She couldn’t understand what had attracted him to a mousy little thing like her. She couldn’t help it, but that was how she thought of herself. She knew she wasn’t attractive and sexy like some of the women around the hospital. She was quite the opposite, the type people used to call a plain Jane, feeling most comfortable when she blended into the woodwork. Sometimes friends like Liza insisted that she had what it took to turn heads, if she would only play up her looks a bit. But Maura always thought they were just trying to be nice. She could never quite believe it.

      Maybe she felt safer downplaying her looks. As a teenager, just starting to blossom, she’d had some bad experiences attracting the wrong kind of male attention—the clumsy and crass advances of boys and even adult men in her foster families. She had learned to put as little emphasis as possible on her appearance. In her heart she hoped that the right man would be attracted to what was inside, not to some pretty packaging.

      That was part of the reason she thought Scott might be the right man for her. Plain Jane or not, Scott pursued her and wooed her, and she was very flattered by his attentions. While he sometimes acted thoughtlessly in a way that was hurtful to her, he always managed to win her back again. It was hard to stay mad at him when he turned on the charm.

      She knew he had his faults. But didn’t everybody? Maura didn’t expect the man she married to be perfect. She had so little experience when it came to romance that she hardly knew what to expect. No wonder she now found herself in this situation.

      She shook her head as if to clear her muddled thoughts, then glanced over at Doug. Their eyes met, his golden gaze full of concern for her. For her future and her baby’s, she thought.

      She unconsciously touched her hand to her stomach, which was still perfectly flat. Yet she imagined the new life growing there, minute by minute, hour by hour.

      “I’ve been thinking I might leave Chicago. It’s hard to raise a child here.”

      “Leave Chicago?” Doug’s expression darkened. “Where would you go?”

      “Maybe to Portland, to be near my sister, Ellen. Or maybe to Santa Fe. I have a good friend from school there. I might be better off someplace new, making a fresh start.”

      “I don’t think that’s a good idea at all, Maura,” Doug said sternly. He abruptly got up off the couch and paced across the room again, looking almost as disturbed as he’d been hearing about her talk with Scott.

      “It’ll be difficult and stressful to start a new job and get settled in a new city,” he pointed out. “What if the pregnancy doesn’t go well? You’d be all alone, with no one to help you.”

      But she was all alone now, here in Chicago, Maura wanted to say. But she didn’t want Doug to think she felt sorry for herself. She really didn’t.

      “I’m confused, I guess. What do you think I should do?” she asked, her eyes wide and questioning.

      He stared at her a long time, making Maura feel suddenly very aware of being alone with him. She thought he was about to say something, then saw the firm set of his mouth as he mentally backtracked.

      “I think there’s a lot to sort out. But it sounds like you’ve made the most important decision of all. To keep the baby,” he said. He sat down on the couch again next to her, their bodies close but not touching. “I’m not sure you can figure out much more tonight.”

      He was right. She was exhausted and it was hard to think clearly.

      “I guess you’re right. I can’t figure out my entire future in five minutes.” She sighed and glanced over at him. “But thanks again for listening. It’s really helped me,” she said sincerely.

      “I want to help you any way I can, Maura. I mean it,” he promised her.

      The emotion in his voice surprised her, and before she could answer, he shifted over on the couch, closing the small space between them. He put his arm around her shoulder and held her close.

      His nearness was a soothing balm to her soul. They didn’t talk for a few moments, and Maura allowed herself to simply relax and soak up the strength and comfort he offered.

      After a time she said, “What really made you come here tonight?”

      “Just what I said when I came in, I was worried about you and thought you could use some company.”

      She honestly hadn’t realized that Doug thought about her as much as he apparently did. Maybe he didn’t think of her in a romantic way, but their relationship did seem to matter to him, she reflected.

      Then he shifted and glanced down at her and she knew intuitively there was something more. Something he was reluctant to say.

      “Look, I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like this is partly my fault. This problem of yours, I mean.” She felt his broad chest expand as he took a deep breath. “I’ve known Scott a very long time. I know how he treats women. I wasn’t surprised at all when I heard about the way he broke up with you,” he admitted. “Months ago, when I first met you and learned you were seeing him, I thought about saying something to you. To warn you in some way about him. But I didn’t want to interfere. I could see you really cared for him and he seemed to care for you. You seemed happy together,” he added, sounding almost angry to admit it, Maura noticed. Though she couldn’t understand why.

      “Was I happy? Yes, at first I guess I was,” she agreed. “Until I really got to know him.”

      “I’d hoped that maybe you would figure him out sooner than most, and get through it without any serious damage. But it didn’t turn out that way, I guess,” Doug said. “Does it bother you to hear these things about him?” he added.

      Maura shook her head. “No, not at all. In a strange way it makes me feel better. When Scott broke up with me, I felt it was all my fault. As if there was some reason I couldn’t make him love me and want to stay with me. Now I can see that it wasn’t me at all.”

      “No, not you at all, Maura. Scott would have been lucky beyond deserving if he’d made a commitment to you,” Doug assured СКАЧАТЬ