The Baby Favour. Andrea Laurence

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СКАЧАТЬ Donate the furniture and baby clothes to a needy family. Paint the walls. Maybe turn it into an office or a yoga studio. Something that won’t haunt you every day about what you lost.”

      Scarlet took a large sip of wine and sat back in her Adirondack chair. April was right. She knew she was right. She just hadn’t been able to make herself do it. In her heart, it was Evan’s room. It was their chance at a baby, as brief as it was, and changing that room meant that she was giving up on that part of her life. Or at least it felt that way.

      “After they move out, I’ll consider it,” she agreed reluctantly. That answer would hopefully be enough to appease April, but not require her to march into the house and do something about it right that instant.

      April gave her a satisfied smile and took a bite of the homemade guacamole and chips she’d brought with her for their girls’ night in. “When is Mason moving in?”

      “The funeral service for Rachel is tomorrow, so probably tomorrow night or the next morning.”

      “Are you prepared for having your soon-to-be ex-husband living in the house again?”

      Scarlet sighed. She wasn’t really sure how she felt about it. “It’s hard to say. This whole situation is so complicated. On one hand, he hasn’t been gone that long, so having him back in the house may just feel like he’s been on an extended business trip. Then again, he’ll be in the guest room, not in bed beside me.”

      “You could always invite him into the bed beside you,” April said with a sly wink.

      Scarlet responded with a nervous giggle. “Yeah, right. I’m sure he’d bite, because that won’t complicate matters at all. Anyway, if my feminine wiles were that powerful, I wouldn’t have lost him in the first place.”

      April ignored her sarcastic tone. “I still don’t understand how you two could break up. You were the perfect couple. Your marriage was what I was striving for. Now you’re divorcing and living in separate houses. It makes me feel very dubious about my own love life. I don’t get it.”

      No relationship was perfect, although it might look like it from the outside. “We had issues. There were a few things that bothered me before the baby thing came up, but I thought we could work through it. In the end, I’m not the one who left, April. You’ll have to ask Mason why he decided to give up. I know things between us had become...strained... And then he told me he wanted a divorce.”

      It had been only a couple months since their marriage unraveled, and the moment was still fresh and painful in her mind. She knew she hadn’t been herself. Not since they lost Evan. But she’d been getting better. She was trying to reimagine her future without a child in it, and that took time to come to terms with.

      “What reasons did he give for wanting the divorce?”

      “He said he didn’t want to hold me back from my dream of having a family. Since he was the one who couldn’t have children, he said he thought it was best to step aside and let me find someone who could.”

      April’s mouth fell open. “That’s the most romantic breakup I’ve ever heard of.”

      Scarlet shook her head. “I don’t know that I believe it was entirely selfless. It sounds noble, but I know Mason. He can’t stand to fail at anything. Mason doesn’t do well when he isn’t on top. He’d rather walk away from something if he can’t succeed. He’s done it before. Did you know he was a vice president at his father’s company before he quit and started the surf shop? That he dropped out of grad school? This was the same thing. Staying married to me would be a daily reminder that he failed and couldn’t give me a child. And by that point, we’d started growing apart. If you’d asked me two years ago about us ever divorcing, I would’ve laughed in your face. But we’d become strangers living in the same house.”

      She knew most of that was her fault. Once they started to try having a family, she’d become obsessed with the idea. As the only child of two only children, Scarlet had always wanted a big family. Three or four kids at a minimum. For the first five years of their marriage, she and Mason had been focused on their careers and they’d been very successful. It wasn’t until they decided to finally try for a family that things started to come apart.

      Their passionate nights became dominated by ovulation kits and monthly disappointments. Then romance went out the window entirely in the face of sterile doctors’ offices and medical exams that uncovered that Mason was infertile. It had been a huge blow to them both, but Mason seemed especially devastated by the diagnosis. She had tried to convince him that she didn’t care, that they could adopt a child who needed a home. When that fell apart, too, they had no hope left for their marriage to cling to. At that point, Mason did what he always did—he made a decision without consulting her, and moved out.

      “Do you think things will be different with him back in the house again? Now that he has custody of Luna, perhaps you could reconcile.”

      Scarlet didn’t really think that was an option. Being back together would be awkward at best, contentious at worst. She imagined them tiptoeing around each other, trying to adapt to a new dynamic that flew in the face of nine years together. “This won’t really be the right environment to rekindle our romance. We’ll have Luna here. And the nanny.”

      April set down her empty wineglass and turned in her seat to look at Scarlet. “May I ask what the nanny is about?”

      Scarlet’s brow furrowed at her friend’s silly question. “I’m on deadline. That massive humpback whale oil painting is due next week. You of all people should know that. And we’re on the verge of opening up the Fisherman’s Wharf gallery. That’s going to keep me busy.”

      April didn’t look convinced. “So busy that a woman desperate for children can’t make time in her day to care for her orphaned niece, who needs a mother more than anything in the world?”

      Scarlet frowned at her insightful friend. So she wasn’t that busy. They would need help with Luna, though. She’d rather have an in-home nanny than put her in day care while they worked.

      “Tell me that you’re not putting up these walls as a self-preservation mechanism,” April said.

      “A what?” Scarlet snapped.

      “You got attached to Evan and you lost him. Are you deliberately keeping distance between you and Luna so you don’t get attached to her, too?”

      That question hit a little closer to home than Scarlet cared for. Best friends saw too much sometimes. “It’s not my baby, April, and Mason and I aren’t reconciling. I know this whole thing seems like a terrible twist of fate that will reunite us and give us the child we’ve always wanted, but that’s just not the case. Mason made it very clear to me that this is all for show, to put Jay at ease.”

      She sat back in her chair with a sigh. “Of course I love Luna as my niece, but no... I’m not going to let myself fall head over heels for her when Mason is her sole legal guardian. I basically have no rights in the matter. When he decides the time is right, he’s going to take her away from me and carry on with his life. I’ll be alone again, and brokenhearted, because he decided I need to go out and have a child of my own. No.” She shook her head. “I’ll do what he asked of me, but I can’t let myself get attached to another child that isn’t mine. That’s why I refused to try adoption a second time after we lost Evan. I couldn’t go through that again.”

      “So there’s no chance whatsoever СКАЧАТЬ