All Summer Long. Сьюзен Мэллери

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СКАЧАТЬ the one. I got strong. Now I can take care of myself.”

      More important to her, she was safe, he thought. No man would have the physical upper hand again.

      “I want to tell you it’s behind me, but it isn’t,” she said, staring down at the chair. “I haven’t... I can’t imagine being with someone.”

      He stared at her, digesting the meaning behind the words. Charlie had to be close to his age. Which meant she hadn’t been with a guy in over a decade.

      “I want kids,” she said quickly, meeting his gaze. “I’m not sure how yet. IVF, adoption, there are a lot of options. I want to have a family.”

      “You’ll be a good mom.”

      “You don’t know enough about me to be sure about that, but thank you for the support. The thing is I know I have to be emotionally strong as well as physically strong to be a parent. I don’t like it, but there we are. Until I can make peace with my past, I shouldn’t take on a kid.”

      She paused, as if gathering her thoughts. “I’m afraid I’ll pass on my mistrust of men to any child I have. I don’t want that. If I have a son, I want him to be proud of who he is. I want him to have male role models in his life, which might be difficult if I don’t get over my problem. If I have a daughter, I want her to grow up with the idea that it’s good to be open to love. I don’t want to pass along my fear.”

      “You’ve thought this through,” he said slowly, thinking that Charlie was brutally honest—even with herself. Something he admired and respected.

      “I’ve thought about a lot of things. Including your problem.”

      He frowned. “I have a problem?”

      “Getting accepted into the volunteer program. No one is going to take you seriously. It doesn’t matter how well you do, they won’t get past who you are and how you look.”

      A blunt assessment that was probably accurate.

      Was she relating their situations? If so, what was she offering and what did she want in return? Sperm? A character reference?

      “Deep breath,” she said softly.

      “Are you telling me or yourself?”

      “Both of us.” She swallowed. “I want you to help me get over my fear of being physically intimate. I want to be able to be with a guy without running screaming into the night.”

      “Is that what happens?”

      “I’ve only tried a couple of times, but, yes. I freeze up. I panic. I run. I can’t do that. I want to be over this. I want to be like everyone else.”

      “Being like the rest of the herd isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

      “So speaks someone who’s perfect.”

      “I’m not perfect,” he said automatically. Then the meaning of what she said slammed into him. Charlie wanted him to have sex with her. Not just sex for the night. She wanted him to help her heal.

      Now it was his turn to stand, but once he was on his feet, he didn’t move. Not toward her or away. He stared at her, watching color flare more brightly on her cheeks. He saw her vulnerability, her fear that he would say no and her terror that he would say yes.

      “I’m not looking for anything more than sex,” she whispered. “I don’t want to fall in love or have a relationship. I just want to be normal enough to get on with my life. Figure out the kid thing. Be in a family.” She drew in a shaky breath.

      Clay knew Charlie well enough to understand that the one thing she would avoid at any cost was being in a weak position. Yet she’d laid herself bare to him, exposing not just her past pain, but her most secret hopes and dreams. He realized he respected her, so he respected her request, even as it confused him.

      He was used to invitations, to numbers handed to him and suggestions made. But Charlie wasn’t interested in a good time. Nor did she want to be able to say she’d been with him for bragging rights. This was real and painful.

      “I appreciate you not breaking into hysterical laughter,” she whispered.

      “It’s not funny. What I want to do is find that guy and beat the shit out of him.”

      One corner of her mouth turned up. “You’re such a guy.”

      “Which makes me a decent candidate for the job.” He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. “None of this is expected. I need to think about it.”

      “Sure. Right. It’s a lot to ask.” Her grip on the back of the chair tightened.

      He looked at her, at the shape of her face, the slight trembling of her mouth. She was nothing like Diane, yet she reminded him of his late wife. Diane had been blunt, as well. Tough, determined. She would have liked Charlie.

      “I’ll get back to you,” he said at last.

      “You know how to find me.”

      He nodded once and left. When he was outside, he headed for his truck. Honest to God, he had no idea what he was going to decide. So he wouldn’t, not just now. Time had a way of making things more clear. Diane had taught him that, too. He’d learned all of life’s most important lessons from her. The most significant had been how to love. A skill he had little use for these days.

      CHAPTER FIVE

      A TYPICAL DAY in Clay’s New York life had included working out at the gym, getting a facial or maybe a manicure, a meeting with a client, a fitting for a future shoot or talking to his agent about upcoming projects. Despite the ongoing party scene, Clay had usually spent evenings with friends, and he’d often been in bed well before midnight.

      Life on the ranch was different. Rafe and Heidi had left for Paris and their honeymoon, which meant someone else had to take care of her goats. Shane had agreed to take over the early morning milking, but when he was in town, staying at Annabelle’s, the work fell to Clay.

      It was barely eight in the morning, but Clay had already milked the goats, fed the horses, the elephant, the pony, the pig, the llamas and the sheep. Next up, he would paint the porch railing in preparation for winter. There were blisters on his hands and his spray tan had long since faded, replaced by a farmer’s tan, earned through working outdoors.

      This was better, he thought as he collected the sandpaper and scrapers. He draped a tarp over one shoulder. He liked getting up early and being able to point to what he’d done in a day. He was tired and sore when he fell into bed at night, but he’d done something with his time. As soon as escrow closed on the land he’d bought, he would start to work on preparing for his fall alfalfa crop. He had rented the equipment already and had interviews lined up for the farm manager. But for now, painting the railings at the Castle Ranch was going to be enough.

      He spread out the tarp and went to work on the scraping. From inside came the sound of laughter. His mother and her new husband, Glen, were having a house built on the other side of the property. It would be finished by the end of the month and they would move into it. Until then, they stayed at the main house.

      Shane СКАЧАТЬ