In Hope's Shadow. Janice Johnson Kay

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СКАЧАТЬ time I was over there, Joel and I were talking at my car, and Mr. Rowe was watching us out the window the whole time. Just a slit between drapes. You know.” For some reason, she didn’t tell him that Gavin had been doing the same, and more openly. She’d begun to regret ever mentioning the incident to Ben.

      “Okay,” he said mildly. “I’d have thought you’d go to Seth. You’ve known him longer, and he’s going to be your brother-in-law.”

      She made sure her tone was light. “It was impulse, that’s all.” Crazy to feel let down, disappointed because Ben didn’t jump immediately in on her side. “Don’t worry about it,” she added. “It was just that I had you on my mind after you called. If the impulse strikes again, I’ll call Seth. Family discount, right?”

      “No.” Ben’s gaze held hers. “Call me, not Seth. Anytime. I mean that.”

      Well. Eve had not a clue how to take this.

      “You’re right. I probably am more sympathetic than Seth is. He’s good with kids but doesn’t have any of his own, and until Bailey had probably never given a thought to issues foster kids have.”

      “And you have?”

      “My ex was in foster care by the time I knew her.”

      “A good one, I hope.”

      “Her last one seemed like it. But sometimes I wondered—” He cut himself off, alarm flashing in those shadowed eyes. “Doesn’t matter,” he said after a minute.

      Eve didn’t have any choice but to squelch her curiosity. Pretending she didn’t wish he’d finish that last thought, she said, “So you married your high school girlfriend?”

      He seemed almost embarrassed to admit he had. They’d gone their separate ways after his first few months of college, but Eve had the impression that might not have been by his choice. He’d initially taken a job with the busier and more urban King County Sheriff’s Department, which surrounded Seattle, but had run into Nicole again at a party and immediately applied for a job locally.

      “Ancient history,” he said then. “What about you? How’d you end up back in Stimson?”

      “Oh, once I went to work for DSHS, I asked to be assigned here. I thought my parents needed to have me close. You know their history.”

      He nodded. “Hope.”

      Always Hope. “They never quit grieving. I think I...softened their grief.”

      “I bet you did more than that,” he said gently. “I saw their faces when you walked into the living room the other night. You can’t tell me they don’t love you.”

      “No, I’m sure they do. I was really lucky that they took me in. I needed them, and they needed me.”

      She let him be satisfied by a simple truth that wasn’t the entire truth. Something way more complex almost always underlay simple, in her experience. But Eve was too ashamed of her unfulfilled longings to air them for him anyway.

      No, she told him, she’d never come close to anything as serious as marriage. “Just hasn’t happened,” she said, going for unconcerned.

      “What about Seth?”

      Surprised by his blunt question, she hesitated. It was good he felt compelled to ask, wasn’t it? Surely the implication was that he wanted to pursue a relationship with her. And, despite her hesitations, she couldn’t remember being as attracted to a man as she was to Ben.

      “I liked Seth,” she admitted. “I was more interested than he was, I suspect, but, honestly, we never got past a few casual dinners. A couple of movies.” She lifted one shoulder. “I didn’t take it very well when he dropped me, but I’ll bet you can guess why.”

      “Hope. Bailey,” Ben corrected himself.

      “Right. It took me a while to realize that what really hurt was being thrown over for her. I guess you can tell I have some unresolved jealousy going on here.”

      “I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” The smile in his eyes reassured her. “I saw your mother when she came to see Seth every week. The hurt and hope on her face—” He grimaced. “Poor choice of words. You had to have been left wondering...”

      When he didn’t finish, she did. “Whether I came close to filling the hole in their lives left by her disappearance? I didn’t wonder. I knew.”

      “You’re sure it wasn’t in your head? Even if the two of you had really been sisters, they’d have mourned for her as much. The one doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the other.”

      “I do know that.” She averted her face. This wasn’t something she usually shared with anyone. And...she’d been lucky. How many times had she had to remind herself? The Lawsons loved her. They’d given her so much. “I was nine when they adopted me. When your own parents don’t want you, and then you get passed around in foster care, it can’t help but make you doubt yourself. How...lovable you really are.” She hated seeing what might be only sympathy in his expression, but looked a lot like pity. “So my rational self knows you’re right. Doesn’t mean that somewhere deep inside I don’t still wonder.”

      “I understand.”

      His forehead had crinkled and a momentarily distant look in his eyes made her speculate whether he had better reason to understand than he’d said. There had to be a cause for those shadows she’d noticed.

      Instinct told her not to ask, though. Feeling as if she’d bared enough of herself, too, she asked a question about how the detective division worked, and from that point on their conversation avoided anything too personal.

      During the mostly quiet drive to her apartment house, Eve regretted saying as much as she had. She hadn’t much liked herself lately. She needed to put the jealousy and resentment and self-doubt behind herself. Telling a guy she liked how petty she could be—and on a first date—should be on her list of top ten don’ts.

      Thinking about why she’d shot her big mouth off had to be the reason she felt tense. Although she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about the good-night kiss. The one that would be a peck if Ben had changed his mind about her.

      He parked in a visitor’s slot at her complex and walked her up, waiting while she unlocked her door. She dropped her handbag on the small table just inside and turned to smile at him.

      “I’m glad you suggested this. I had a good time, Ben. Thank you for dinner.”

      “I enjoyed myself, too. I should have asked for your phone number six months ago.”

      Eve blinked. “But...we hadn’t met.”

      “I saw you on TV. The press conference. I...commented to Seth on what a beauty Bailey’s sister was. I kind of wonder now if the Thanksgiving and Christmas get-togethers weren’t engineered for us to meet.”

      “That never occurred to me.” Was it possible he liked her looks better than Bailey’s? Because of his daughter, she’d assumed his ex-wife was another blue-eyed blonde, but...maybe not. Rachel could have taken after him.

      “Better late than never,” СКАЧАТЬ