Welcoming Your Second Baby. Vicki Lansky

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      If you are a sibling, you know how your sister or brother can be annoying and difficult, or adoring and dependable. If you don’t have one, you probably wish you did.

      Having a second child is exciting but sometimes seems a bit overwhelming to parents. The first has already taken so much of your love, time, and attention, so much of the space in your home, so much of your income, that you wonder how you’ll possibly manage. And you wonder, perhaps, if you’ll ever be able to love a second child as much as you do the first. Will there be enough love for both? Are you being disloyal to your firstborn by forcing a sibling on him or her? Will your second child be an intruder in your family, a competitor for your attention and love? In short, will your second child be a welcome addition?

      You know that a new child will bring your firstborn down to earth a bit, teach about sharing, and provide a live-in playmate in childhood.

      Two things you can plan on for sure are that your second child will not be a replica of the first, even though they may look alike, and that you can’t predict, totally, the reception of the second by the first. Whatever the age of the first, whatever the spacing between the two, the firstborn may adore or be unhappy about the baby; may grow up in amazing ways or regress to babyhood; may be fascinated by or indifferent to the baby. Of course some part of the older child’s reception of the baby will depend upon his or her age, on how dependent your child has been on you, and on his or her emotional maturity, but some aspects of the reception and acceptance are simply unexplainable, a matter of personality and the circumstances of the moment.

      I’ve included many ideas to help you help your child adjust to the arrival of the new baby. You’ll find lots of good ones here but please, don’t feel you need to try them all! There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. You can over-prepare your child by too much attention to preparation.

      By the way, don’t forget to have yourself prepared—for childbirth, that is. Take that refresher course you don’t think you have time for. It will really help. Trust me, you really don’t remember it all. Plus, it’s good quality time for you and your partner.

      Children without siblings have been rated as having poorer social skills. Children with sibs are said to be better at forming and maintaining friendships; getting along with people who are different; expressing feelings in a positive way and showing sensitivity to the feelings of others. To achieve this, you, the parent, will now have to live through years of sibling conflicts and jealously, which will never bother your children as much as it will bother you. Whether or not this rating system is accurate, only you can say.

      But I think the best part of having one’s second child is letting you see more clearly how each child comes with their set of ‘stuff’ (personality and the like) for which you can not claim responsibility or credit. And as these small people emerge into big people, you will share a journey that is really second to done.

      Relax. Enjoy your first child. Enjoy your pregnancy. The best is yet to come!

       Vicki Lansky