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“I’ll be a beautiful ballerina, and everyone will love me,” she whispers.
“Oh yes, my dear,” I say. “Everyone will love you.”
Gyla kisses me on my rough cheek, but she seems not to notice the stubble. How easily the lies come. How much like the truth they seem.
Gyla kisses me again, harder. It feels like I’ve cut myself with a razor. She moves away, and I see something dark on her rosebud mouth. I raise my hand to my cheek, then look at my fingers. I see blood, as dark as Jonny’s blood. I put my fingers to my lips. The blood tastes salty and sweet.
“Mustn’t do, my love,” I say. “Ballerinas don’t bite.”
Her little brow wrinkles, beneath the fur. She looks at me, wide-eyed. “No?” It is the Spanish no, more question than statement.
I shake my head and hug her once more. “You will have slippers and dresses and tights and everything a little ballerina should have,” I say. “Everyone will love you.”
She feels like a quivering bird in my arms, as she nestles against me, and I rock her in my lap, crooning a little ballerina song, a song she will like, my little girl, my angel, my dear one.
A FIT SUBJECT FOR MODERN ART
They say that jealousy is green
but so is love
green as a new blade of grass
as sharp as turpentine
and so you cleaned your brush
after he died
and drew the chartreuse line
of his dead cheek
against the porcelain bowl
with trembling hand
because the mix was green
yellow and blue
when they told you he was gone
his head in the toilet
and it was green there, too
so you remembered
so you drew
with brush and paint
thick and thin
and perhaps there were tears
or perhaps only rage
rage is green, too
so you hated
so you loved
the line rounded here
brush caressing where once
you caressed
in a gray green stroke
twisted
tortured
as were you
the man you loved
in undignified death
is made beautiful as
Laocoon
and his sons
making love to the snakes
and such is fit for modern art
to greenly love
the one you hate
for taking himself from you
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