Cougar of Spirit Lake. Linnette MDiv Eller

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СКАЧАТЬ Yes, they apparently must leave the valley and begin life in another place. Yet why would Thomas want to leave? He had so much to keep him here.

      "What about you, Thomas? Why would you want to leave the valley? I know what my reasons are, and you are right about all that you have said in respect to our situation. It’s different for you though. Thomas, you have a reason to stay here! Your folks have always planned for you to take over the farm. I know they have because I have heard you talk about it. No, it might be the only answer for Papa and the boys, and me, but it wouldn't be fair for you to pull up and go west. You have a future and you have it here.”

      “Now Jessica, I wouldn't be suggesting this if I hadn't been of a mind to want to go myself. I want to do it, do you understand? I want to.” He had turned to her and had moved to hold her arms and was so earnest that she didn't doubt what he was saying. He could see that she accepted that he wanted to do this, and was mightily relieved about that. He couldn't tell her about the rest of his reasons for wanting to leave here. If he did she might not want to go with him at all. She was too innocent to understand. She couldn't and wouldn't accept what he had done. Hell, she would probably throw him off the porch right now! Dammit! It wouldn't matter to her that it was really her fault. Hers and that crazy old man of hers. If he had been able to take Lilly's death like a man, well, then Thomas wouldn't have had to wait to have Jessica and none of this would have happened. No, it was not his fault at all.

      Now, all that mattered was getting out of this valley, doing it fast, and taking Jessica with him! He was just lucky that the half-witted Carpenter girl couldn't talk. He was sure that if she could talk, she would have told everyone by now she was going to have a kid, his kid. It was just because he wanted Jess so bad that it happened, he told himself. Jessica interrupted his thought when she started talking.

      “Thomas, there is just one more thing I don't want to get married for a while.”

      He swung around to look at her, startled. What the hell? This wasn't what he had in mind at all! What was she thinking now, for Christ's sake?

      “But Jessica, we can't travel together without being married! I was going to get the Circuit Preacher to marry us before we left, marry us next week! We don't have any time to waste you know. No, not with the train leaving and us having to get rid of all this stuff we can't take and getting the wagons ready. We have to get married, and do it right away!”

      “No, Thomas, I can't do that.” She turned to him again, and looked at him intensely. He could see she was determined about this, but why?

      “Just listen to me for a moment. I can see we have to leave here, oh, not just for Papa, but because of what has happened to everything. But don't you see that there is no guarantee that Papa will improve just because we do this? Then what? I can't expect you to take on the responsibility for Papa and the boys too. It wouldn't be right!”

      She took a shaky breath and with a determined set to her face said, “No, it just wouldn't be fair to you at all! We need to wait and see what this does for Papa. If he comes to his senses, then there is no reason to wait, and we can be married. Doesn't that sound reasonable to you, I mean, really?”

      “Oh Jess, I don't see any sense in this at all! We will be traveling together, and I will more or less be responsible for you all anyway. Besides what if he doesn't get any better? What would you do then? You can't just go west only to end up there in the same fix you are in here!”

      “No!” She said more sharply than she had intended. She calmed herself with an effort and said, “I mean it Thomas. I am very determined about this. You have been so kind, so understanding. I could never live with myself if I saddled you with all of this. You have just been too good to us for me to do that!”

      He could see that there was no way to change her mind by the stubborn tilt of that little chin of hers. Damn! This wasn't what he had in mind at all. Something about the set of her face told him he had better not push too far. He could lose her entirely, and that was something he had no intention of doing! He had been downright obsessed by Jess, since he had first seen her when she was only thirteen. He wasn't going to lose her now. She filled his dreams and almost every waking moment. God, just thinking about her made his blood run hot. He had to have her! He felt like shaking her right now he was so damned outraged at her stubborn decision not to marry yet. She was sorely trying him!

      “Alright, if that's the way it has to be Jess, so it will.” He told her, but he blew out his pent-up breath, and clenched and unclenched his fists while he said it.

      Shortly after Thomas had left, Jessica again tried to talk to Papa about the situation with the debts. She told him what Thomas had told her, and he stared at her with an odd expression on his face. He muttered something unintelligible except for the word 'Lilly’. Jessica looked at him and again asked for the ledgers. John swung around and faced her with surprise, and she looked closely at him. He seemed almost lucid. When he finally spoke, it was to tell her that the debts had been paid, and she must have misunderstood Thomas. He then sat down in Lilly's rocker, turning his back on Jessica and not speaking again regardless of her pleas to him. Finally, in utter despair, she left his room and went to her own.

      Jessica stood staring blankly out the window towards the woods. There was no moon tonight, and she couldn't actually see the forest, only blackness. She wasn't actually looking at anything in particular, only standing there staring blankly, her eyes unfocused. Staring off into space is what Mama would have called it she remembered. She was so heartbroken about what Thomas had told her of the debts. Her parents had never discussed things in detail with her, but she knew that there had been a 'nest egg. She could remember once shortly before Mama had died, she had heard them talking with satisfaction about how their nest egg was growing. They had said with the good crops from the previous years and the sale of the stock this year their affairs were in extremely good order.

      The Ferrall's had moved here when Jessica was just a toddler. At that time, they had been what was considered well off. Papa had sold his furniture making business back East. The business had been a good one, and his name was well-known for the excellent quality. The business had flourished right up until the day they had sold it. Mama had told her so repeatedly and with pride in her husband.

      She knew that they had lost a considerable amount in livestock and the crops, but she also knew they should have been able to withstand that without a real problem. How could it be as bad as Thomas had said? She was sickened by this news and heartsick as well. She knew it would be useless to confront the businessmen, they had already made it clear that they would not discuss the business affairs with her on more than one occasion. She felt the bitterness rising up in her again remembering their attitude.

      The three of them had worked so hard to put it all back together again, how could she tell Tommy this? He would be heartbroken, just as she was. How could Papa keep telling her the debts had been paid? Had he imagined he had paid them and now believed it as truth? Dear God, she thought, can he be that far gone? A tear slid down her cheek as she thought of what her Papa had once been, and what he was now. Her stomach lurched sickly as fear for him rose up in her.

      She would have been far more than sickened if she had been able to actually see into the forest. Thomas stood behind a tree watching Jessica in the window as he had done so many times before. The light behind her made her night gown nearly transparent. God, he thought I have to have her! His eyes were glazed as he watched her, his hands fondled his engorged member. A line of spittle was dribbling down his chin from the corner of his mouth, but he was totally oblivious to all but the vision of Jessica in the window. Her and the huge hot member he had in his hand.

      She turned slightly and he had a clear view of her full, ripe breasts in silhouette. Damn, he thought, look at those tits! To be such a small girl she had some tits on her for sure! He couldn't wait to get his hands on those things and crush them СКАЧАТЬ