Cougar of Spirit Lake. Linnette MDiv Eller

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СКАЧАТЬ of the girl. Winter Woman became confused yet again when she saw her son. She looked from the Cat to the girl to her son and could not understand how it could be that they all had the same eyes.

      She knew that the girl and her son and even the Great Cat were somehow bound together. Even after the dream was over, the sound of the anguished cries of the Great Cat echoed across the strange valley where the girl lived. She knew without knowing that this valley was far, very far indeed from this village on the shores of Spirit Lake.

      Perhaps mused, Winter Woman staring into the fire, the dreams to come to her from this night forward she would await with eagerness. She wanted to unravel the mystery of these dreams. Her one great comfort was that when she had looked into the eyes of her son while he had looked up at the girl his eyes no longer held any loneliness. Oh, if only her Grandfather were here, perhaps he could be persuaded to help her with this dream.

      At last, as the first rays of the new day came upon the village, Winter Woman slept. It was a peaceful sleep and without dreams, a soft smile gracing her beautiful face as she slumbered.

      CHAPTER THREE

      It had been six months, since they had lost Mama. Jessica felt as though it had been a lifetime instead.

      She remembered thinking at the time that at least they still had Papa. How wrong she had been in that! She didn't even know who Papa was anymore, in fact, she did not think Papa knew who he was anymore and far worse. He did not care. His grief was a horrible thing to behold, and he had not improved at all in these past months, if anything she thought, he was worse.

      She had taken over the running of the farm. The bitter cold morning that dawned the day of Mama's death took their crops from them. It had been an unseasonably early fall and the crops had frozen like shafts of ice in the field for three days. The gravediggers had even complained of the frozen ground. Jessica shivered as she remembered. Yes, one thing after another she thought. Will this never pass she wondered?

      She had repeatedly asked Papa for the accounts so that she could deal with each of them and have a good understanding of where they stood and what needed to be done. That had proven to be a waste of time. Papa would not even speak with her about the farm. Even after all of these months of trying to communicate with him, she still had no idea, and she held bitter feelings over that. If she had one more man tell her 'not to worry her pretty little head over men's business' she would punch them right in the mouth! She vowed that she would!

      Mama had taught her the accounting for the farm records as well as the housekeeping portion of running the sizeable house. She was not only well informed she was totally capable of running it smoothly, if only she had been allowed to do so. She began pacing the floor in her frustration. Although the boys were working long hours on the farm, she still insisted that they have their lessons. She knew that Mama would have been adamant about this. She also felt their education was very important and had done an admirable job of tutoring them. They were both quick to learn, and eager for the knowledge. Her parents had instilled this interest in all of their children, since they were born.

      There was just no way that the three of them could do it all. There had been the hired hands who had gone sadly away one at a time. Looking at her with sympathy and their own guilt at leaving her in this situation showing plainly in their faces. She had approached Papa countless times for the money for their wages and all he would do was rant and rave and tell her to let it go, let it all go to hell for all he cared and order her out of his room. Now the three of the Ferrall children were trying to do what their Papa, Mama and five full time hired hands had done.

      Jessica chewed her lip looking out the window and wondering what to do next. She realized she had been pacing and sat down with a sigh. She should try and look her best since Thomas was going to visit tonight. Actually, she was dreading his visit. All thoughts of marriage had been quickly put aside on that awful day six months ago. Thomas had been so understanding and seemed so complacent about giving her time to deal with her grief. She thought briefly of the way Mama had felt about Thomas. It bothered her, more than she cared to admit. Mama had been very intuitive, and she had said more than once she had bad feelings about Thomas. Yet she had not pressed Jessica about them. She had told her that time would tell, and to just take things slowly. Jessica had been more observant about Thomas, trying to discern what her Mama could have sensed about him. She could see nothing amiss in his actions or deeds and was as mystified as ever about what Mama had felt about him. She thought for a long moment about Thomas.

      Thomas as a husband, her husband. She had to admit, if only to herself, she did not feel the excitement or eagerness that she should about becoming his wife. Perhaps her grief had numbed all of her feelings she mused. Still, she wondered about her lack of emotion where Thomas was concerned. Did she truly want to marry him and spend the rest of her life being his wife? She again sighed, thinking that life had become so confused and complicated in just six months. She couldn't marry right now anyway, Papa being the way he had since Mama had died. She certainly would not even think of leaving him in his condition.

      John Ferrall had ceased to be on the day his beloved Lilly had died. Even the look in his eyes at times frightened her immensely. Months ago the boys had started creeping into her room with their blankets and sleeping on the floor after his ratings would wake them. Finally, she had moved their beds into her room rather than have them go through the same ritual night after night. Working as hard as they did it was important for them to have a comfortable place to sleep at least.

      Last night Papa had awakened her and then Tommy. Jacob, with the ability of only the very young had learned to sleep through all but the worst of Papa's loud nights. Yet last night he had not been loud, just different, very different. He talked as though he were talking to a person.

      Her eyes had met Tommy's as they both realized he was talking as though Mama were there with him.

      He was talking to his wife.

      They both felt the shivers go down their spine as it dawned on them what he was doing. He didn't go on overly long. It was eerie listening to him have his one-sided conversation. At one point, he sounded startled, and they heard him say loudly, "What Lilly? No, no how can that be?"

      Then his voice became more subdued, and they could no longer follow the conversation. It seemed like it went on all night, but in reality, it must have lasted less than a half-hour at most. Jessica and Tommy both feeling uneasy didn't sleep for the rest of the night. That is what my main problem is today Jessica thought to herself. I am overly tired after last night, and everything appears gloomy to me simply because I am tired. Why keep going over it all out today anyway? Papa being like he was, and the boys depending on her, she couldn't marry right now anyway.

      The problem of Thomas would have to be faced up to though. He was becoming very reluctant to come to the farm to visit with her in the evenings, obviously due to Papa's irrational behavior. In fact, it seemed that Thomas had been acting more hesitant since Papa had called him into the bedroom to talk. It had only happened two or three times, but it was obvious Thomas did not want to have to face John Ferrall one on one. Who could blame him after all? She couldn't expect Thomas to keep waiting forever. Being totally honest with herself she didn't think she wanted him to wait anyway. Too much had changed. She had changed. She knew she had changed forever.

      Tonight, she was going to tell Thomas that they could never be married. She really couldn't ask him to keep waiting. She had no idea how long it would take Papa to come to his senses. Oh, how Mama would have loathed this! She would have been horrified to think that her beloved family could be in this situation. Jessica herself was horrified. How could this be? How could everything have gone so terribly wrong in such a short time?

      Hot tears sliding down her cheeks she sat down on the bed and took a deep breath, trying to get her emotions СКАЧАТЬ