Stepping Forward Together: Creating Trust and Commitment in the Workplace. Mac Ph.D. McIntire

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      “Would you like your spouse to be fully committed to you and to your marriage?”

      “I hope she’s committed to me by now,” Paul said. “We’ve been married for 23 years.”

      “The length of a marriage doesn’t necessarily indicate a committed relationship,” I countered, “just as the length of service of an employee doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is loyal to the company. Some people stay in marriages or employment relationships long after their commitment has waned.”

      “That’s encouraging,” Paul said, sarcastically.

      “How about your kids?” I continued. “Would you like them to be committed?”

      Paul roared with laughter at the alternate meaning of my question. “Yeah, sometimes I would like them to be committed: committed to an institution somewhere! At least until they get through their teenage years. Then I’ll take them back,” he joked.

      “Paul, I promise that what I’m about to show you will benefit you both professionally and personally – at work and at home. I can guarantee if you want to be a better company general manager, you can be if you listen carefully to what I’m about to tell you and then apply it in your work life.

      “But I’ll go even further than that. I will promise you that if you want to become a better husband to your wife or a better father to your children, you can if you apply in your personal life the concepts I’ll share with you tonight.”

      I expressed to Paul a paradox that has puzzled and saddened me for a long time. I’m shocked at the number of managers who appear to be great managers at work, yet they’re estranged from their spouse or children at home. They communicate brilliantly with their employees and colleagues; they have unlimited patience and potential at the office; they are highly respected and loved by their staff at work; yet at home they alienate their spouse, ignore their children, and interact poorly with the members of their family – the very people who should matter most to them.

      On the other hand, I also know people who are wonderful husbands or wives, outstanding fathers or mothers, great leaders within the walls of their home; yet they are horrible bosses at work. They have the patience of Job with their children; they listen attentively; they’re understanding and compassionate; they are considerate and kind; and they’re wise and inspirational in their counsel. Some even coach their son’s Little League team or daughter’s gymnastics team. They seem to have an uncanny ability to motivate nine to twelve-year-olds to do anything; yet, at work, these same people can’t motivate their employees to do the simplest tasks. At the office they are impatient, intolerant, unsympathetic, demanding and demoralizing. The same person who is loved and respected at home, is despised and barely tolerated at work.

      “How is it that a person so good in one situation can be so bad in another?” I inquired. “It seems to me that someone capable of being a great manager at work or a wonderful spouse at home ought to be able to transfer those skills and characteristics to the other side of the equation. The interpersonal skills required at work are the same as those needed at home; and the qualities that make someone a good partner or parent at home are the same characteristics needed at work. If a person is good in one location, he or she ought to be equally good in the other. Work and home situations are exactly the same.”

      Paul looked like he was trying to decide whether he agreed with me that work and home relationships are comparable. So, I asked him if he thought there was much difference between employees and children. He huffed and said no.

      “Have you ever seen employees who act like children?” I asked. “Do you have any employees who seem stuck in the ‘terrible twos’? Do you have employees – or even managers – who fight amongst themselves like competing siblings? Have you ever experienced employees who run to ‘momma’ when they don’t get what they want from ‘dad,’ or who manipulatively play mom against dad? Are there any employees at your plant who don’t play well with others or who pout when they don’t get their own way.”

      “Pfffft. No kidding,” Paul said, shaking his head in disgust.

      “That’s why I say there’s no difference between managing employees and managing one’s family. The skills and techniques you use in one situation are the same skills and techniques you use in the other.”

      I went on to explain that the role of a manager and a parent is to increase the maturity level of a person to the point where they get ‘it’. Managers and parents nurture individuals through coaching and counseling in order to teach them how to succeed in life. Those individuals who achieve the greatest success are the ones who get the ‘its’ of every situation early in their life – whether at school, at work, at church, in marriage, in society, or in life.

      “Obviously maturity has nothing to do with age,” I said. “Yet maturity is what managers need to instill in their employees if they want them to manage themselves. Maturity also is what parents try to teach to their children before they leave the home and go off on their own. Managers and parents hope their employees and children will become thoughtful, responsible, self-disciplined individuals. They want them to make wise decisions and mature choices. They hope they’ll figure the ‘its’ of life out sooner, rather than later, in their life and career.

      “The point of all this is simple,” I said. “It doesn’t matter to me where you learn what I’m about to teach you, as long as you learn it. If what I say makes more sense to you as it relates to work, then think about your business. But if it makes more sense to you from a personal perspective, then think about your marriage and your family. As long as you think about these concepts and ponder them in some meaningful context, you’ll be able to understand them, learn them, and use them. I promise if you practice at work the concepts I’m about to teach you, they will also benefit you at home. Likewise, if you can get your family ‘team’ to step forward together, you can get your work team to do the same.

      “All I ask is that while I explain this model to you, you go inside yourself and confirm what I’m saying by checking it against your head, your heart, and your intuition. That’s how you will know what I am saying is true.”

      I paused briefly to allow Paul to internalize what I’d said.

      “Okay. Are you ready to learn how to create a highly-effective, enthusiastic and committed team?”

      “I’m ready,” Paul eagerly responded.

      3

      Beginning the Climb to Commitment

      Paul and I had been talking for almost twenty minutes and we were just now getting to what I wanted to share with him. It had taken us some time to get to this point but I felt it was important he understand the key concepts we’d just discussed before I showed him my model for getting people to step forward together as a team.

      I picked up my mechanical pencil and drew two parallel vertical lines on my yellow notepad. I then connected the vertical lines with four equally spaced horizontal lines, as shown in the diagram below. I wrote the word COMMITMENT above the top rung of the ladder.

      I pointed to my diagram and said, “OK. What I’m going to show you is a model I developed many years ago I call The Ladder of Commitment®. Sometimes, however, when I’m really humble, I refer to it as the ‘Holy Grail,’” I said, only half facetiously.

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