Not Out of Hate. Ma Ma Lay

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СКАЧАТЬ Po Thein chose not to see his wife after she left, and never wrote to her. He still sent her support regularly, however, and tried to get on with his life as best he could. Way Way was aware that her mother had severed all feelings for her father but that her father still cared deeply. It made her unhappy every time she thought of it. Although her father did not read the letters that came from her mother, he would ask Way Way to read them aloud while he listened. All through those five years, Way Way’s mother never mentioned her father, and Way Way could not understand how her mother could do that. In the beginning, just after her mother had left home, Way Way, aware that her father was filled with longing and sadness, would write and tell her mother, but her mother never mentioned him in her letters. Remembering now in flashbacks her mother’s going from the world into the nunnery brought it all back afresh.

      “She brought her karma into this life from her previous existence. That is the reason she could break off her ties so completely. I think she wanted to leave after Maung Ne U and Hta Hta married and left home, but she waited because Way Way was too small at the time,” Daw Thet said slowly, not looking at either Way Way or her father, as though her thoughts were way off somewhere in the past. Having started on this theme, she wanted to continue but was prevented from doing so by a spasm of coughing from U Po Thein. When he stopped, Way Way looked up and saw her father’s peaked and wan face. She was aghast.

      “Have you taken your medicine yet?” asked Daw Thet. “Personally I don’t go along with those injections and things. I think Burmese medicine is better, myself.” She was truly upset about her brother’s condition.

      Early that morning, on returning from the godown where the paddy was stored, U Po Thein had started coughing and there had been blood. The whole household was startled out of their wits. U Po Thein had never experienced such a thing before and was himself even more terrified. His face turned as white as a sheet and his feet and hands went cold. They ran at once for the doctor.

      The doctor told them it was not tuberculosis, only an excess of blood, but they all thought he said that to reduce their fears and believed it was indeed tuberculosis. Way Way was extremely worried about her father and longed for her mother to be with them at this time.

      “Is it time for my medicine?” asked U Po Thein.

      Way Way looked down at her watch. “It’s one o’clock. You’d better take it,” she said as she went to fetch it for him. After taking the medicine, U Po Thein climbed slowly up the stairs to lie down for a nap.

      “I worry about your father so,” groaned Daw Thet as she got up to leave.

      Way Way walked across the room and sat at the desk in order to reply to her mother. She read her mother’s letter once more. She was tired of reading her religious exhortations. Sometimes she discerned their meaning, but most times she did not. She really never sat down to study their meaning deeply and had never really caught that feeling which led to religious ardor and understanding. She remembered some of the religious tenets like the Three Truths, the Eight-Fold Path, the Seven Rules of Living for an upright person, and so on, and she could recite them, but that was about it.

      Dear Mother,

      I am writing this in reply to your letter, which we were happy to receive. Since Ko Nay U’s eyes were troubling him, he went to have them checked at the Billimoria Clinic in Rangoon; he will be away for about ten days. Father sent along the bag of rice and tin of oil for you. We were very happy to hear from Hta Hta that they were being transferred to Maubin. It is so much closer to us. Daw Thet is in good health. She received that herbal medicine from Uncle Thaike, and she has made up the mixture and is using it.

      The Abbot of Ywagalay sent us two religious relics for veneration as an aid to our meditation. I stitched up your velvet blanket and sent it to the abbot as an offering.

      As for Daddy, just this morning ….

      Way Way did not write any further and stopped to consider whether she should go on, especially after her father had requested her not to. But she wanted very much to write and tell her mother, and wanted her mother to be concerned for her father. She thought, No matter how apart much of their lives have been, it’s just not right to be indifferent in these circumstances. When she writes and Daddy hears me reading of her concern for him, she imagined, it’ll surely help him to get better. So she continued:

      As for Daddy, just this morning he coughed blood, so all of us are extremely worried. We called the doctor and he gave him some injections. He seemed a bit better this evening. Daddy says not to tell you and to allow you to meditate with a peaceful mind, but I want you to know what has happened.

      I will respectfully try to persevere in following out the precepts and instructions you sent me, Mother.

      Way Way sat reading over what she had written when she heard a noise in front of the house and looked up. She saw U Saw Han striding toward the house, a cigarette tin in one hand and his hat clasped in the other. She was taken unawares and stared at him for a second.

      “Is your father in?” U Saw Han asked, halting at the entrance. Her eyes looked at him but they hardly dared register what was in front of them. Way Way stood up and said, “Yes, he is. Please come in.”

      Walking softly, U Saw Han approached the desk and said, “Is he sleeping? If he is, please, there is no need to wake him up.”

      At a loss as to how to answer, Way Way said, “Daddy went upstairs earlier. I don’t know whether he is asleep. He wasn’t feeling well.”

      U Saw Han was looking straight at Way Way. According to Burmese custom it was too direct a look. “Oh, is he not well? What happened? Then, certainly, don’t wake him.” While U Saw Han awaited her reply, it seemed that his features softened into a smile.

      “He went to the godown this morning, and on his return he coughed up blood.”

      Before Way Way finished telling him the rest, his face took on an expression of alarm and he asked, “Didn’t you call the doctor?”

      “Yes, we did,” said Way Way quietly. “He was given some injections.”

      He had a natural scowling expression and Way Way thought, When one first meets him one gets the impression that he is haughty and aloof, but when one actually talks to him he is quite warm and friendly. She was beginning to change her mind about him already.

      “What did the doctor say?” he asked.

      She found it easy to respond to him directly as his questions showed interest and caring, and this encouraged her to tell him more. “The doctor said it was not tuberculosis, that it was just the body’s mechanism being overheated, like a nose bleed, and that we were not to worry.”

      U Saw Han’s face looked thoughtful as he asked, “Has he ever had this happen to him before?” Although he was pleasant and asked questions in a gentle persuasive manner, he seemed upset and regarded Way Way in a serious manner.

      Way Way looked up at him through her eyelashes and smiled, “No, never,” she said quietly, shaking her head for emphasis.

      “Well, … don’t worry too much, but on the other hand don’t be too negligent either. As to the business I came for …”

      They had been standing all this time, and before going on he looked at a chair in front of the desk and said, “May I sit down?”

      “Oh yes, please do,” said Way Way. She sat down at the same time as he did and found herself face to face with him.¹⁶ СКАЧАТЬ