Weddings from the Heart. Daphne Rose Kingma
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Название: Weddings from the Heart
Автор: Daphne Rose Kingma
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Сделай Сам
isbn: 9781609255022
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Do you have a personal relationship with him or her, a connection that allows you to trust that what he or she will say will be appropriate for the two of you? Or, if this is someone whom you do not know, do you trust that this person has “a sense” of you and understands the uniqueness of your relationship?
What is the fee for his or her services? Judges and justices of the peace normally charge a flat fee, whereas clergy members' fees vary widely. Often they're based on your income, the time involved, and the size of the ceremony. Some fees cover everything—the use of the church, candles, organist, janitorial services—while others do not. And fees aren't uniform—ranging from as little as $50 to as much as $400. Other officiants may charge even more, up to or exceeding $1,000, so be sure to find out beforehand.
Seemingly trivial, but also important (aesthetics, after all, are one of the great joys—and great concerns—at any wedding), will you like what he or she chooses to wear to perform your ceremony? Will it be complementary to the ambiance you want to create? Do you trust his or her taste?
Above all, will you value what this person has to say? Will he or she have delightful, meaningful, moving reflections that will elevate the ceremony from ordinary, generic, and formal to personal, beautiful, and unforgettable? Do you trust that his or her words will provide the inspiration, the message you want to guide you graciously from your past and into this exciting new chapter—married life?
CHOOSING YOUR ATTENDANTS
The people who “stand up” with you at your wedding are a representation of you, and because they will play a very important role in your wedding ceremony, they should be chosen with care. Among other things, they are your “high witnesses”; that is, they stand close to you and, by their proximate presence, agree to recognize now and remember always what transpired on the occasion of your marriage.
If you really want a heartfelt wedding, this isn't the time for fulfilling political, business, or social obligations. Instead, choose people who have shared your life with you, individuals who live in your heart and share your dreams for a life of love and happiness. They may or may not be members of your family. They may be good friends, little children, or a very old person. Be truthful. And daring. Don't stoop to obligation or succumb to convention. Allow the people you choose to bring something of value to your wedding. Pick the friend you haven't seen for years but who was there the fourteen times you broke up in college and can finally celebrate with you. Or include the neighbor who befriended you when you had all but given up on finding love. Choose the brother who always believed in your relationship when your parents pooh-poohed it, or the four-year-old nephew who loves you more than anyone else. Whomever you choose, make it someone who loves you, someone you love.
In making your decision, ask yourself: Why am I asking this person to stand up with me at my wedding? What part of my life has he shared? What aspect of my history will she be representing at my wedding? How do I feel about his or her reactions to the words, values, and ideas that are going to be expressed in the ceremony? When I see this person in the future, will it be a positive reminder of what was expressed?
Will I be happy (or irritated) by this person's presence? Will his personality foibles be an asset or a liability? Would I rather have her among the guests than standing beside me? Would I be sad—would my wedding be less than my dream of it—if he or she weren't there?
Remember, if you include attendants, one or more of them may have the duty of handing you the wedding rings, helping you with your dress, or holding your bouquet. Will they behave in the way you'd like them to; that is, will they be relaxed and dignified enough to suit you, vibrant or serious enough to create the mood you're after? Will they be willing to help graciously with mundane matters—cutting the ribbons on your bouquet, straightening your dress, or running out to buy extra hat pins for a marooned boutonniere?
Don't be afraid to do what your heart tells you. A male friend of mine had four women as his attendants, and a woman I know selected her best male friend to be hers. Maybe your beloved is the only person you want to stand beside you. If that's the case, don't be afraid to scrap tradition and stand at the altar together, in your own loving recognizance, with the officiant. In breaking with tradition you create tradition, tradition that moves from what's “proper” and expected to what truly springs from the heart.
CREATING THE COMMUNITY
The “community” of your wedding is your guests—the people you've invited to share in the intimate moments in which you make your love public and state your lifetime intentions to each other.
In the past, the guests at a wedding served a variety of purposes. Sometimes it was to demonstrate the power of two families coming together, others times to display of the status of the bride's or groom's parents—to say nothing of being an opportunity for parents to show off the beauty or achievements of their children. We've all heard the expression that he or she “made a good marriage,” meaning that he or she improved his or her financial or social status. And we've heard about “important” weddings, which means that all the “right” people were there.
Such expressions may hold importance in the world of politics, society, and commerce, but a wedding of the heart is a binding of the spirits of all who have gathered to shore up, celebrate, acknowledge, and encourage the two people creating a new life together.
Thus the guests at your wedding are your body of witness. To witness means to pledge, to make material, to bring into form. So when you choose a group of people to share the occasion, you are really asking them to ensure that in the future you will enact what you have publicly avowed through the vehicle of your wedding ceremony.
Viewed in this fashion, the guests at your wedding are not the largest number of people you know, the ones who will bring the best presents, or even all your distant relatives. They're the people who mean the most to you, those who have shared your life, who've provided for and protected you, who have nourished your spirit and sorted out your emotions, who've been there to help you through the hard times. They're the ones who have loved you through thick and thin, who've watched you grow up, celebrated your every transformation, believed in you, encouraged you, and shared the significant aspects of your life.
So to create a true wedding community, invite the people you love, those whose paths have crossed yours and tugged on your heartstrings along the way. In planning your guest list, ask yourself the following questions: Who are the ten people above all whom I'd like to be there, the ones I'd be absolutely heartbroken if they didn't attend? If I could ask everyone I'd like to, who would be on the list?
Now, working from both ends of that spectrum, who are the people between the extremes (taking into account the accommodations, of course) that you'd really want to share in your special day? What is the common thread that ties all these people together? The role they've played in your lives? The love you have for them and they for you? The social or business life you share? How will they “gel”—in spite of their differences and diversity—to become the community that will send you off into the joy of marriage?
Is there anyone you automatically included whom in your heart of hearts you'd rather not invite? An obligatory friend? A political concession to one of your parents? A colleague you really don't like? If there is such a person or persons, feel free to say, “It was a very small and private wedding; I'm sorry, but we couldn't include everyone.”
In some instances, for difficult СКАЧАТЬ