Weddings from the Heart. Daphne Rose Kingma
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Название: Weddings from the Heart
Автор: Daphne Rose Kingma
Издательство: Ingram
Жанр: Сделай Сам
isbn: 9781609255022
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Thus marriage is an invitation to transcend the human condition. For in stepping beyond the self-focus of wanting to have only our own needs met, in schooling ourselves in the experience of putting another human being and his or her needs in a position of equal value to our own, we touch the web of transcendence, the presence of the divine.
For loving one another is the beginning of compassion, and compassion generalized is participation in the divine—that experience of life and of the world that paradoxically submerges us in all that exists while at the same time elevating us above it. The compassionate, soul-changing loving of a single other human being connects us most profoundly to the All. And it is in the practice of this radiant other-discovering love that true marriage calls forth the best in us, the most we can ever become.
CREATING your CEREMONY
THERE ARE ONLY TWO ELEMENTS ESSENTIAL TO a legally binding wedding: the vows or promises you make to one another and the proclamation by the officiant that you are now married. All other elements are optional. Therefore, in planning your wedding and deciding what you want to include, you have tremendous freedom to create a ceremony that is totally expressive of the two of you.
A wedding is the social portal to married life, a turning point, a marker on the path of your own development that denotes the moment at which you cease to be a solitary person pursuing an individual life and begin taking up the joys and responsibilities of sharing your life with another person. So as you plan the wedding that will stand forever in your memory as the emblem of the moment that delivered you to your new life, you may want to contemplate the meanings of marriage itself. In this way you can discover exactly what you would like to include in your ceremony so it will carry the unique and beautiful meanings that you want to express and hold in memory.
Creating a wedding ceremony is a time-consuming undertaking. It requires careful planning, lots of energy, and, above all, an awareness of exactly what you want to reflect in the precious moments of your wedding. In choosing to create your own ceremony, you have indicated from the very start that you are willing to explore the possibilities—and possible pitfalls—of creating a tailor-made, unique masterpiece with the person you love.
For as you plan your wedding together, you'll come face-to-face with what you really mean to each other, what your values are, what your vision of marriage is, what you expect from and are willing to promise each other, both now and in the future. You'll have a chance to look at the depths of your love, to reaffirm all the wonderful feelings that brought you here in the first place. You'll also have an opportunity to encounter your individual preferences and differences and resolve them. The task of planning a wedding is a little like marriage itself—a process of discovery, an opportunity to grown in love.
If you're wise, you'll use this process as an occasion to deepen your relationship, to work through whatever conflicts may arise, to appreciate each other for the various talents you bring to the project, to have a first experience of creating something that is a reflection of your union.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
To help you design the perfect wedding, you'll want to keep in mind the following considerations:
1 What do you want to say about your relationship in this public forum? What stories about it do you want to tell? What beliefs about a relationship do you want to reveal?
2 Because your wedding ceremony is the public blueprint for what you expect and hope for in your marriage, what do you want to say about the meaning of marriage, both for your own benefit and for that of the gathered guests? (Here you may want to keep in mind that a wedding is also a teaching ceremony for those who witness it.)
3 What is the style of your ceremony and what is the image you want to project through it? A theatrical performance, an intimate conversation, a religious ritual, a carnival or festival, a gathering of clans, a formal social event?
FINDING AN OFFICIANT
As you begin the decision-making process, you will want to enlist the counsel of the person who will be officiating at your ceremony, first, to make sure that he or she is comfortable with the kind of ceremony you are envisioning, and, second, to find out if he or she has any suggestions for you. It's also important to choose your officiant early, for he or she is an invaluable resource in planning your ceremony and in answering any questions you might have. In choosing this person, you will want to be sure that he or she is not only willing but able to reflect accurately what you want your ceremony to convey.
In the past, the officiant at a wedding was just that—an official of the church or state. His duty—and it was usually a he—was to make sure that a given relationship would fulfill the standards for marriage as delineated by the church and state. More than finding a proper “official,” however, you will want to be looking for someone who can be a spokesperson for you, your values, and your relationship. You will want to find someone who can reflect the quality of your love and speak meaningfully to you and your partner.
Your own minister, priest, or rabbi is, of course, the conventional choice, but if you don't have a strong, personal, or long-standing relationship with this person, you may want to look elsewhere. Following are some ideas for how to “connect” with someone who will be able to express the ideas and emotions you want to convey in your wedding ceremony:
Check in your phone book for churches of different denominations which may appeal to you. Such spiritual orientations as those of the Unitarian Church, Unity Church, Humanist Society, Theosophical Society, and Buddhist centers may reflect a view of life more consistent with your own.
Or try asking a dear or long-standing friend. Sometimes a person who knows you well is the best spokesperson for what you want to say. If this person is not a licensed officiant, you may want to encourage him or her to obtain a license for the occasion. (The Universal Life Church, 601 Third Street, Modesto, CA 95351, licenses individuals to perform legal wedding ceremonies). If your friend doesn't want to go through the process of becoming licensed, consider having this special person deliver the “address”; then a judge, justice of the peace, minister, or rabbi can officiate the formal (and legally binding) parts of the ceremony. In this regard you should know that for legal purposes, it is a person licensed to perform marriages who must make the proclamation of marriage and sign your marriage license. All other parts of the ceremony may be conducted by any person of your choice.
Whomever you consider, be sure to think about the following questions:
To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.
—Anna Louise Strong
Does he or she reflect or embody the spirit you want to create at your wedding?
Do you feel comfortable with him or her? Will you be able to express your preferences about content; speak up about matters of concern in the preparation of the ceremony; voice objections you might have or ask for silly, even seemingly trivial things (like certain pet phrases of yours, for example) to be included in the ceremony?
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