A Life of Conversion. Derek Rotty

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СКАЧАТЬ parable simply “divided his living” between the sons (Lk 15:12). One note about biblical translation is interesting here. The word translated as “living” is the Greek word bios. That is also the Greek word for life — human life.⁶ The use of this word in the parable implies that what is divided is more than simply an income or a trust fund. The father’s very life is torn in two. Half of his heart has been taken from him. Or more accurately, he gives away half of his heart to the younger son.

      Just think about the love our heavenly Father has for each of us. How many times, out of pride or greed or lust or anger, have we acted in ways that tore his fatherly heart in two? Jesus Christ, upon his crucifixion, had his very heart pierced, and blood and water flowed out. One of the greatest, most popular devotions that we have in the Church today is the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, in which we come to know his pierced heart more fully, even sharing in Jesus’ suffering. When we enter into the heart of Jesus and the love of our heavenly Father, we can recognize the ways that we have chosen ourselves over God’s more perfect plan, and that awareness enables us to change.

       A far country

      The younger son gathers his belongings and begins his journey into a “far country,” where he “squandered his property in loose living” (Lk 15:13). This “far country” is not simply geographical. It is emotional and spiritual as well. Because of his hardness of heart, this son moves away from his loving father emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. He squanders everything because he doesn’t recognize that it has been a gift from his father.

      How many of us have acted in this way throughout our lives? Because of the sinfulness that dwells in us, it is easy for us to take off for that far country, away from our heavenly Father, and to squander the gifts that he has granted to us, because we are seeking pleasure or power or both.

      After squandering his inheritance, the son “began to be in want” because of a great famine (Lk 15:14). What have we done in our lives that has left us hungry for better things, hungry for the solid things that God provides instead of what the world provides? Have we found ourselves trying to fill our deep spiritual hunger with the wrong things?

      One of the most poignant passages of the whole parable comes next: “So he went and joined himself to one of the citizens of that country” (Lk 15:15). This young man left his father’s house and became a resident of a far country. What “far country” now claims our allegiance? To what “far countries” have we wandered at other points in our life, and what was the result? During my college years, I “joined myself” to a fraternity. After living that lifestyle with gusto, I found myself in an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual famine. I had squandered the great gift that my heavenly Father had given me.

      In the parable, the citizens of the far country clearly do not treat the young man well. He is sent to feed the swine. For a Jewish person hearing this parable, this detail would have been startling, because swine symbolized everything that was unclean for Jews. While the young man feeds the swine, he is so hungry that he would eat the pigs’ food if he could. He has fallen as far as possible from right relationship with his father into all that is unclean and degrading.

      Although he is hungry and would eat anything, “no one gave him anything” (Lk 15:16). He has been abandoned by the citizens of this far country. He has no community; he is lonely. The fact that loneliness and isolation are prevalent here only exacerbates the problem of famine that the country faces. Physical want and need, as well as feeling alone, always seem to make moral depravity more acute. This is true in our own situation too. Things feel worse when we are hungry or tired or, especially, when we are lonely. Isolation takes away our hope, which is forged and strengthened by communal relationships.

      Note the contrast between the father of the parable, who gave a large inheritance even though his son disowned him, and the citizens of the far country who now give him nothing even though he has “joined himself” to them. The father in this parable gives us a glimpse into the way our heavenly Father loves us. He showers good gifts upon us, even when we don’t return his love. On the other hand, the citizens of the world have nothing substantial to offer us, and they will exploit everything we have.

       Up from the bottom

      Only when he hits rock bottom does conversion begin for this young man. In the next verse, we read that “he came to himself” (Lk 15:17). This is a moment of metanoia, a turning of the mind. He comes face to face with himself.⁷ He must recognize, in his mind first and then in his heart, that he has had a terrible attitude and acted in ways that have harmed him and his closest relations. Without this moment, the son cannot acknowledge the wrong that he has committed.

      For every person, there is at least one significant moment when he realizes that he has sinned and strayed far from the heavenly Father’s plan for his life. Yet, in the life of ongoing conversion, our understanding of this reality deepens over time because the grace of God brings us face to face with ourselves time and time again.

      In the same verse, the son thinks to himself, “How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, but I perish here with hunger!” (Lk 15:17). He decides that it is better for him to return to his father’s house, even as a slave, than to remain in this far country. In the house of a loving father, even a slave is a son. That is why this young man is willing to say, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired servants” (Lk 15:18–19).

      At this point, the son decides to rise and go to his father. He is no longer just thinking about it. He has decided to act, as each of us must decide and act. In the ongoing way of conversion, we must continually decide how we will return to the love of the heavenly Father, and we must carry out those decisions with courage and conviction.

       The suffering love of the father

      While the son treks back to his father’s house, his father sees him coming, and the parable tells us he “had compassion” (Lk 15:20). The father has been suffering too because of this strained relationship. More than that, he has been watching for his estranged son. We can imagine the father gazing out the window, just waiting for his beloved son to return. The father’s suffering shows us that there is no way to have compassion unless we too have suffered. The word compassion means “to suffer with.” It is sad, but beautiful: The father and the son have been suffering together, from different sides, throughout this estrangement. That is precisely why the father “ran and embraced him and kissed him” (Lk 15:20). The father waited, not with pride, but with a longing to have a restored relationship with his son, at any cost.

      “Father,” says the son, “I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son” (Lk 15:21). The son knows that he cannot simply ignore his wrongdoing. He has to face it and admit it. For us as members of the Church, this happens in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This sacrament is crucial for the ongoing process of conversion. Naming our sins in the sacrament, and bringing them back as often as necessary, allows us to submit them to God’s grace and allows us to continue to grow.

      Before I was received fully into the Catholic Church, I never named a specific sin against God; I only asked generically for forgiveness. I have realized, over the years, that naming specific sins brings a necessary level of accountability for cutting out those habits from my life. When I confess specific sins, even if they are small, I begin searching my conscience for more serious sins so I can get those out too.

      The best news of all for the son in the parable is that his father does not want him back in any diminished capacity. He wants his son in a fully restored, right relationship, complete with robe, ring, sandals, and a great banquet (Lk 15:22–23). The celebration can commence because a son has returned to life. СКАЧАТЬ