Step into Your Moxie. Alexia Vernon

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СКАЧАТЬ took up space, owned their accomplishments, exuded charm and charisma — a masculine model of influence. And yet when I asked, “Who were the speakers that you felt most connected to? That you trusted? That made you want to really get involved in solving the issue they illuminated?” both the young men and women mentioned the names of female participants. They concurred that many of the female speakers shared stories that stirred the heart and the soul. They engendered trust as they told the truth about themselves, at times even confessing they still had a lot to learn before they felt their ideas could have the full impact they wanted. This, however, was not deemed effective communication.

      That’s when I knew I felt like a bull in the ring who’s just seen a red cape, because I’ve been in that audience most of my life. I’ve discounted my communication as a woman, my inner voice, and I’ve evaluated my success based on a masculine model that normalizes confidence, assertiveness, authority, and taking up space — qualities I always felt I had in short supply. I want to step into my moxie, I told myself. I want to speak my passion, assert my perspectives, and be humble and honest, and I want to do it Sinatra style — my way. I want to integrate the masculine and the feminine so that I can argue on behalf of ideas, claim space for myself and my ideas, tell stories, ask questions, make people laugh, and when appropriate, make them cry. That is what I’m born to do. The question I am born to answer: How can I show other people, particularly women, how to do the same?

      Fewer than ninety days after that life-changing and life-charging pitch fest, I rebaptized myself as a women’s speaking and leadership coach — and I haven’t looked back. Through my individual and group coaching and training programs, keynote speeches, seminars, and retreats, I’ve supported tens of thousands of executives, entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, change agents, and emerging leaders to speak with power and impact at work, in business, with their friends and family, onstage, on camera, and above all, to themselves. And the word moxie has stuck. After a writer in the White House Office of Public Engagement referred to me as a “Moxie Maven” for my women’s empowerment work, I became more intentional about referring to my calling as empowering women to step into their moxie.

      Are You My Reader? I Think…Yes!

      I’m not totally sure why you picked up this book. Maybe you had a rough childhood that sent you down a path of lousy self-esteem and sorely lacking self-worth. Or you’ve experienced racism, classism, or everyday gender bias that has had a profound impact on your sense of personal power — or lack thereof. It’s also possible that you have enjoyed heaps of privilege, that people around you have consistently lauded your talents, and that you have no idea why, more often than you care to admit, you default to apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong, hedge when you share your opinions, and say to yourself (and possibly others), “I’m not ready” when opportunities present themselves. If any of the above sounds familiar, know that I’ve got you, sista. Or brotha. (While you’ve probably figured out by now that I did write this book for women, if you are male, trans, or gender questioning and you’ve made it thus far, I’m confident that with an open mind and an even more open heart you’ll be able to extract and apply the principles I share as well.)

      And don’t worry, you’ve also picked up the right book if you’ve got boatloads of moxie — if you love asking for the money you’re worth, holding a mic in your hand, and calling people to action. If you routinely step into your moxie, this book will give you an opportunity to stretch into more authenticity, pleasure, and ease in your communication so you can elicit the maximum possible buy-in for your ideas, enhance your connection with others, and sustain your influence.

      Over the course of thirteen chapters, I merge stories that have prompted big communication discoveries for me with simple, effective, and practical recommendations so you can take these lessons, apply them, and experience deep and lasting transformation in all facets of your communication. You’ll discover how to adopt the role of protagonist in the story you have created about who you are as a communicator. From making new, self-empowering choices in your self-talk, to using communication that catalyzes your power and influence, to harnessing your intuition and speaking what you were born to say, you’ll develop the foundation to step into your moxie in all areas of your life.

      I’ll also show you how to take your communication into the world, be it through daring conversations, negotiations, or presentations. You will buff up the muscles for having unshakable presence when the spotlight is on you, and compile tools to navigate through the inevitable “feels” that come up when creating greater visibility for yourself and your ideas. I’ll show you how to step into your moxie even when it feels like the universe, and everyone in it, is slapping you with constraints rather than blessing you with what I affectionately refer to as cosmic winks — signs that you are on the right track and can keep going. You’ll create and learn to articulate your boundaries to the people in your life. You’ll know how to rise and be resilient in the face of setbacks and to speak up and out for the causes that matter most to you — so that you can leave the legacy you were born to create.

      I’ll also help you lighten up and stop taking your communication, and yourself, so seriously. I want to show you that stepping into your moxie can be simple and fun — so that you’re not afraid to do it. And in the moments when you pivot back to old, not-so-moxieful ways of speaking to and for yourself and others, you’ll quickly shake it off, recalibrate, and come back into your power. For when you have more fun with your communication, you will stop censoring yourself and hustling for others’ approval and praise. You will by default speak your truth — with kindness, compassion, and ease. You’ll see using your voice as an act of divine service to yourself and to the world.

      I wrote this book for you (and me) to read, cover to cover, again and again. Before you ask for that promotion. Hop on the phone with a prospective client. Tell your honey you want all in to (or on the flip side, to get the heck out of) your relationship. I want you to come back and pick up Step into Your Moxie as you contemplate raising your hand for a prestigious opportunity, as you prepare to deliver a game-changing presentation, and above all, whenever you psychically whip yourself for something you said (or failed to speak out against). Also, my precious reader, this book is not just about you. I want you to pay it forward and use your voice and influence to reshape policies and practices you disagree with so they more accurately reflect your values — at work, in your community, around the world, and in your family. Moxie is not just what you do with your voice — it’s also what you leave behind through your influence.

      I encourage you (okay, let me be more forthcoming, implore you) to do the Moxie Moment exercises in each chapter. I want you to develop the behaviors and habits to put your new moxie mindset into action. I also hope you’ll check out the downloadable worksheets, meditations, and other recommended resources I’ve created for you at AlexiaVernon.com/MoxieBook. This is where you can join my Step into Your Moxie virtual family and connect with other readers from around the world. My online communities attract some powerhouse people. Come on over and see!

      One Final Thought, Then Let’s Do This

      I started writing this book right around the time I left my first and last full-time job in order to be a coach. Concurrently, I was supplementing my initially paltry coaching income by teaching women’s studies and public speaking at local universities. I had no business doling out advice on much of anything then. Yet on my lengthy subway, bus, and light-rail rides between university gigs, I started scribbling down notes and compiling stories I wanted to share, many of which have made it into the book you are reading. In hindsight, I know I was writing the book I needed to read. As you’ll hear me say a few more times, we teach what we need to learn and, often, what we need to remember.

      Fast-forward a little more than a decade later, and I’ve learned some things. And I promise you that if you show up, keep turning the pages, curtail your judgments about yourself (and, if you need to, about others), and commit yourself to applying the СКАЧАТЬ