Living With Dignity. Anthony Ekanem

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СКАЧАТЬ So I made plans with friends. When Ben called on Thursday about seeing a movie on Friday, I nicely said I had plans. He thought I was joking, then asked if I was mad. Nope! He heard me smiling. I explained that since he did his thing, I'd do mine. Ben got defensive, saying he's not used to advance plans. I sweetly said I'm not used to turning down friends in case my guy called. I accepted his ways. He must accept mine. That levelled the playing field. Slowly Ben made plans earlier. I expressed pleasure. Accepting his right to his way helped ME change and get more of what I wanted.

      Adjust your expectations. What seems wrong can be right to someone else. That's reality! If something feels unacceptable, deal with it differently. Being self-righteous over behaviour you disagree with creates unnecessary stress. Lectures about good behaviour often fall on deaf ears. Once I accepted reality, I told a friend who was always late, "Meet at my place so I can do things while I wait." She did. Another friend rarely kept plans. He got insulted when I wouldn't commit to joining him for an event. I explained I couldn't take it seriously since he usually bailed. I accepted his way, but he needed to accept that I won't keep time open since things rarely pan out. He swore he'd keep his word, and he did. All because I accepted him and changed my response! People respond better to actions than complaints."

      Final Thoughts on Acceptance

      As the human being ages through time, the necessity to accept others as they are is yet an issue. Despite the numerous attempts made to impose the habit of tolerance on people, they keep on developing certain invulnerability to it. However, to establish an orderly civilised society, we need to accept others as they are to live in peace.

      Personality goes a long way when it comes to accepting individuals. However, a cover can often hide a person's true colours. You must learn to respect people even when you don’t like the way they carry themselves or react in a specific situation.

      Little is the knowledge we possess about a person's life and background, which means we should not judge them because of their personality. On the other hand, if the person's behaviour is annoying, you may choose to stay away, especially when the person is not very important to your life, because trying to understand does not hurt anyone. If you are successful, you can proudly say you are a tolerant person.

      Attitude is also a trait we notice in individuals. People’s attitudes towards issues of your interests can significantly influence your perception of their personas, thereby altering one or more of the feelings you will eventually develop for them in the future. Know that attitude does not necessarily have to be accepted. Nevertheless, you must understand the reason for such an attitude to fairly judge it. As free spirits, it is unavoidable that people unfold different attitudes about specific issues.

      Must You Accept Everything?

      Certainly not! It is important to stress here that you do not necessarily have to accept everything. You don't have to become a doormat at the altar of acceptance. Accepting everything would mean denying the fact that you are a different individual, a person to be respected, and a human being with a will of your own.

      You can accept a person without accepting their inappropriate behaviour. For example, you need not accept infidelity in your marriage.

      Chapter 2

      Acknowledge People

      Acknowledgement is the recognition of the importance or quality of something. It is the acceptance of the truth or existence of something. Everyone wants appreciation for their work, experiences, and reality. By recognising your family members, friends, colleagues, customers, and others; it helps you connect with them on a personal level. Acknowledgement is one thing that we don't think about until we notice it is missing.

      Most people have one defining need that rarely gets satisfied. Many of us will move heaven and earth to satisfy this need. This need is the single most motivating factor that leads to success. It is the need to feel important. The person who can satisfy this need in others can be very influential and is typically regarded by others as a good leader. You can tell much about an individual by what makes them feel important.

      Acknowledging others may seem unimportant in practice, but it pays huge dividends when it is done consistently and sincerely. Maya Angelou once said, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." So, what will people remember you for?

      We spend plenty of time worshipping people in the media whom we have never met but go about without acknowledging the everyday people in our lives. It is not everyone that will be praised in a public ceremony, yet, you can easily show people that they matter in many different ways, as enumerated in the following paragraphs.

      TYPES OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

      Acknowledgement can fall into three categories, namely:

      Character: which includes qualities such as confidence, friendliness, helpfulness, or their physical appearance.

      Ability: which includes doing something well or the ease with which someone completes a task.

      Influence: which includes someone's ability to motivate or inspire others.

      HOW TO ACKNOWLEDGE PEOPLE

      When acknowledging people, you should always be authentic. False acknowledgement will not develop confidence nor lead to improved performance nor better relationships.

      Below are the most common ways you can acknowledge people in an authentic manner:

      Appearance and wellbeing

      Appearance is the most common form of acknowledgement. It can feel the most obligatory or superficial. It often happens in social situations, as we compliment someone's outfit, level of physical vitality, or overall design aesthetic.

      A skill or talent you admire

      As you reflect on how this person does his or her job, what skills and abilities do you see? Consider skills and talents even if they are not an essential part of their job. Do they have any interests outside the office that you admire? Is this person concise and articulate in communication? Can you think of a story that validates this talent? Do they have the ability to resolve conflict without avoiding it? Do they speak other languages?

      A quality you wish to emulate

      When you interact with this person, what qualities come forward that you admire? Are they patient, optimistic or resilient?

      How has this person touched your life?

      Have you ever laughed at yourself by working with this person? Has their presence made a problematic task bearable? Are you more tolerant or curious as a result of their influence? People typically give the type of acknowledgements they are most likely to receive from others. Therefore, pay close attention to what this individual affirms in others. If there is friction or conflict, you will have to look long and hard for something to appreciate in another person.

      Say "Thank You"

      “Thank you” is a little phrase that goes a long way. Acknowledging people is the root of engaging with them and connecting your greatness with their greatness. When you shine a light on another, you bring their soul to your attention. You need to show gratitude for the people in your life. Whether at work, at home or on a special holiday, you can acknowledge people, even though you may be very busy!

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