Stand and Deliver!: And other Brilliant Ways to Give Birth. Emma Mahony

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СКАЧАТЬ women who had birthed on The Farm in Tennessee if any had experienced orgasm at birth, and a staggering 21 per cent said yes! If your first reaction is that they are lying, why would they bother? Marilyn of denture-sucking fame was fairly typical:

      My last birth was very orgasmic in a sustained sort of way, like I was riding on waves of orgasmic bliss. I knew more what to expect, was less afraid, and tried to meet and flow with the energy rather than avoid or resist as I had first time. The effect was probably mostly psychological in that it gave me tremendous satisfaction just to have accomplished such a difficult passage safely. I felt great for months afterwards, which helped me to feel positive about myself in general. This in turn affected how I felt about myself sexually. I also think that, for me, learning to let go and let my body take over in labour helped me to tap into a part of me that I never knew before, and helped me to feel more willing to let go while making love.

      Many women find that after giving birth, a few weeks or months down the line, sex becomes better and better with their partner, and some experience orgasm for the first time. Might this be you?

      Sorry Darling, I’ve Got a Headache

      What if you just don’t feel like doing it? Pregnancy may drip-feed you hormones that soften and engorge your yoni, make the clitoris more sensitive, and hit a triple jackpot with making the lubricating cervical glands work overtime, but what use is that if you are forever rushing to the loo to chuck up your Boots sandwich? It is all very well wandering around in a state of semi-arousal, but if this is accompanied by tiredness and aching breasts, then what’s the point? My favourite line in Vicki Iovine’s Best Friend’s Guide to Pregnancy is when she describes the urge to hit her husband over the head with a bedside lamp when he goes near her breasts in the first three months. Not everyone is in the mood at the beginning.

      Although Dr Miriam Stoppard in the New Pregnancy and Birth Book says, ‘The majority of women I have spoken to about sex and pregnancy have almost universally felt that sex was better than ever,’ I reckon she conducted most of her research in the nymphomaniac district of Amsterdam. The truth is that sex is a very complicated issue among individuals, let alone couples, and it tends to be where we dump all our private and collective neuroses.

      Most commonly, our body image determines how we feel as a woman. Sad to say in our post-feminist age, but if pregnancy makes you feel fat instead of gorgeous, then that is going to translate immediately into your lovemaking. The light will go firmly off when undressing, some of you may reach for the chocolate box rather than the fruit bowl, and you just won’t feel desirable. You may even subconsciously push your man away.

      However, always remember that the reality is that most men find the extra curves and roundedness of women in the early and middle flushes of pregnancy a real turn-on. So don’t you dare confuse your own feelings with those of your partner. Men are conditioned by nature to fancy fertile women, and you are a walking example of voluptuousness.

      Pregnancy is the time to buy some postcards of Rubens’ paintings to stick on the fridge, with white fleshy mamas breastfeeding cherubs and muscly men hovering in attendance. It’ll remind you that heroin chic wasn’t always fashionable.

      Not Tonight, Josephine

      Men do sometimes go off the idea of sex at the very end of pregnancy, however, usually when we women have finally reconciled ourselves to our fulsomeness and are suddenly prepared to test the theory of carpet burns. They also harbour fears of harming the baby in some way during a bonk, as if their huge member will puncture the amniotic sac like some Roman spear (just how big do they really think they are?). You may want to let them know as early as possible that this has never yet happened in the history of humanity. If you need to get technical, explain how a baby is protected by the amniotic sac and the walls of the uterus, and that the sperm cannot get through the mucus plug. Only if the mucus plug has come away at the start of labour should you need to refrain from making love.

      Some men (and fewer women) can also find the presence of the baby off-putting in some way, as if there are three of you in on the act. This is another fear that should be winkled out and explored as early as possible, because that presence ain’t gonna go away for a while, and will be making itself known much more vocally down the baby monitor than it is now. This might be the moment to book a dirty weekend away in some bed and breakfast in Brighton. Having nothing better to do than eat, sleep and make love should flush out this fear in full.

      Above all, you can no longer take your sex life for granted in your pregnant state. If you as a woman decide to take charge of the bedroom in pregnancy, and love your body in order to give birth the best shot, there is plenty of work to be done. As all the heightened hormone level shows, your body is willing if your mind will follow. Forget feeling guilty about missing the yoga class, and substitute it for a candlelit dinner for two instead. Swop the phrase ‘pelvic floor exercises’ for ‘romp on the floor’, and put a smile back on your face. Sex got you into this mess, and sex can help get you out. So what are you waiting for? Let’s go shopping.

      What to Buy to Feel Sexier in Pregnancy

      One friend bought pregnancy massage oil, ostensibly to massage the area under her bump that became sore at the end of a working day (the hormone relaxin softens the muscles and can sometimes cause a bit of grating around the pelvis). Asking her husband to do it as an evening ritual, she found one thing used to lead to another. (For pregnancy massage oil visit www.activebirthcentre.com.)

      Another bought a good push-up bra to accentuate that great pregnancy asset – big boobs. Even if you have always been a firmly buttoned-up sort of girl, try leaving one more shirt button undone around the house, à la Sophie Dahl, during these nine months just to experiment with your new curviness. At the very least it will get you in training for breastfeeding.

      Allegra tried perineal massage during pregnancy, done with her partner, using olive oil. (The perineal area is between your bum hole and your vagina.) Not a very British thing to do, but she admits: ‘We just ended up laughing, it was so funny, I would kind of lie on the bed and he’d watch TV over my shoulder. That was towards the end, during the last month.’ (For perineal massage oil visit www.activebirthcentre.com.)

      Pregnancy tights are difficult to find and uncomfortable at the worst of times, so buy some stockings or lacy hold-ups instead. Emma did this during pregnancy and used to flash her husband as they walked out of the door in the evening, and then enjoy his extra attentiveness in the cab and during dinner. All men live in hope.

      Rosie suggests buying one really sexy evening dress for the pregnancy. She invested in a designer dress, and found the designer adored doing something different for her shape. The final outfit was a skin-tight satin under-dress with a cutaway claret velvet dress coat over the top with extra emphasis in the cutting on the cleavage. Says Rosie: ‘It made me feel so sexy, and everyone said they wanted to be pregnant to wear the dress.’

      Exchange your dad’s-old-shirt-as-a-nightie for a grown-up satiny or, if someone else is buying, silk negligée. While your gamine legs might have looked great from under the shirt before pregnancy, winceyette won’t work if the legs become tree trunks. The negligée may only need to make an appearance when you are feeling in the mood, but just wearing it usually produces a male Pavlovian reaction.

      Lying in bed in New York, pregnant and waiting for her husband to come home, Lois found that surfing the channels for the soft porn became a useful evening ritual. ‘The sight of all these nubile young men parading around in my bedroom always seemed to get me in the mood,’ she admits.

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