Wherever You Are: The Military Wives: Our true stories of heartbreak, hope and love. The Wives Military

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СКАЧАТЬ able to show it in public, and see thousands of people cheering the lads.

      The second tour was not an issue with the children. They both missed their dad but they weren’t difficult. But the third tour was bad because Callum was ten, and much more media aware. He had a recurring nightmare, and he’d wake up crying. When I went to him he’d say: ‘I keep having horrible thoughts.’ I’d hold him and he’d tell me he’d dreamt that two men came to the door to tell him that his daddy was dead. It broke my heart. All I could do was reassure him that it was only a bad dream. I told him that Daddy’s job was just fixing vehicles, and that he didn’t go anywhere dangerous. It wasn’t true: David was on difficult and dangerous convoys. But I needed to get Callum through and I wanted him to sleep. I just held him and comforted him as much as I could.

      I make a point of planning a holiday abroad for David’s POTL. He needs to relax, and so do I. We need to be a family, without school, housework or mates around. It’s good for him to have fun with the kids. If we stay at home he doesn’t want to tell them off when they’re out of line, because he’s been away, so it’s difficult. And he feels he should be doing stuff around the house, helping me, not just taking it easy. On holiday, we get back to being us. His mum comes, and she looks after the kids to give us a bit of time together.

      I’m lucky, because he’s very laid-back, so there aren’t emotional or mental problems when he gets back. He just looks a bit odd: he’s mucky, smelly, hairy and a funny colour.

      When he’s away, it’s as if your whole life is on pause. You don’t even like to go out and have fun: it feels wrong while he’s out there, as though you are betraying him in some way. But you can’t spend a whole tour sitting by the telephone. As soon as the kids were old enough, I found a job. I can’t imagine sitting around all day; I like to keep busy. When we were in Bordon I worked in a home with adults with learning and physical disabilities, and I loved it. A year later we were on the move again, back to Chivenor. We’ve been here now for seven years, which for a military wife is fantastic. I haven’t had to pack my home up for ages, but I know we’ll be on the move again soon, first to Plymouth and then possibly back to Bordon. I’m not looking forward to leaving all my friends, but I already know loads of the girls in Plymouth.

      I’d heard so many bad stories about Chivenor being unfriendly and isolated. But we moved in the summer, which makes a big difference. When the sun shines, everything looks good, and there are great beaches and great walks. I thought: What the hell’s wrong with everybody? This is a really good place.

      I guess if you move in winter it’s different. And I’m lucky because I’ve got a great job as the deputy manager of the local nursery. We’ve made the tough decision to put the boys into boarding school, because of the moves that are coming up. It’s important for them to have continuity of education, so that they keep the same friends all the way through school, and they don’t have the disruption of packing up and moving. Callum loves it, and Owen is joining him at the same school. It’s me that misses them; they’re really happy. It’s a decision you have to face. We get a lot of help with the fees, and we’ve decided it’s better for the boys. For me it means that every time David, who will soon be a sergeant, moves, I’ll go with him.

      The choir has been one of the best things ever, for me: I know that if he goes away again, I’ll have the choir to support me.

Mechelle Cooney

      I was giving up on men altogether, after having a few useless dates. But a good mate was married to a marine, and she persuaded me to go to the pub with her one night, in Plymouth, where I’m from.

      My friend’s husband said, ‘There’s someone here I’d like you to meet, Phil Cooney.’

      ‘Not if he’s a marine, thank you very much. I don’t want to know.’

      Then this drunken thing came over and said, ‘Hiya, gorgeous, I’m going to take you on the dance floor and show you my moves …’

      He was that drunk I was wetting myself, but I liked that he didn’t take himself seriously. He asked if he could see me the next day, a Sunday, and I said, ‘I’m not missing my mum’s roast dinner for you or anyone.’

      He didn’t give up, and we were soon an item. We moved into a flat together but he was a slow starter: it took him six years to get round to proposing. We married 18 months after that, and bought a house in Plymouth. I’ve never moved around the country with Phil’s job as so many military wives do. He’s the one who travels, and I see him at weekends.

      Nothing prepares you for military life; there’s no way to learn except by doing it. You don’t know what you are letting yourself in for – not truly. Before we had children my friends accepted that when he was around I’d be with him, and when he was away I’d see them.

      I soon got used to him and his mates. He’d ring me up and say, ‘Chelle, can you do tea for the lads?’

      ‘How many?’

      ‘Fifteen.’

      They’d all crowd into our little flat and I’d do Chinese or a roast. There would always be people sleeping over. I’d find his mates on the settee, in the bath, on the kitchen floor – they’d crash anywhere. So I had two different lives: one when he was here, and another when he was away, but then I had my job and my mates around.

      But it changes after you have kids. I can pick myself up when there’s just me to look after. You worry when he’s somewhere scary, but it affects you so much more when you have children. You think: Am I going to be strong enough to help them as well?

      I decided early on that I’d rather stay in one place, and I think it was the right decision, especially now that we’ve got kids. But it’s not easy; you have to be very independent. Our oldest, Jake, was born in 2001, and since then I reckon if you add it all up me and Phil have only had 12 months or so together under the same roof. He’s done 13 tours altogether, including Northern Ireland, two to Iraq and four to Afghanistan, so even if I moved to live near his base, he’d be away much of the time.

      I love the Royal Marines. They’re a real family who always stand by each other. All our children have marines as godparents, and one gave Jake a christening gift of a ship’s compass with the inscription ‘If you ever get lost in life, point the compass in my direction and I will find you.’ It’s a warm feeling, that you are part of this supportive family. But it’s a tough choice, being a military wife.

      It doesn’t get easier watching him go off to somewhere like Afghanistan, no matter how many times you do it. Anyone who says they can get used to it is a stronger person than me. I’m better at hiding my feelings from the children now, but the first time he was in Iraq I was crying, probably because I was hormonal and pregnant, and I was afraid.

      Jake, who was five, put his arms round me and said, ‘It’s all right, Mummy.’

      I said, ‘Of course it is. Mummy’s being silly.’ But inside, my heart was breaking.

      You have to learn to go through a lot of things on your own, things where you would normally rely on your husband. Aaron was born while Phil was in Afghanistan. I managed to get a message to the ship he was on that I was in labour, and Phil rang back 20 minutes after he was born, but it’s not the same as having him holding your hand. Then he rang again two hours later and he was legless. He told me the whole ship had decided the baby should be called Valentino, as it was Valentine’s Day. I said, ‘No chance.’

      When he leaves, I always СКАЧАТЬ