Betrayed: The heartbreaking true story of a struggle to escape a cruel life defined by family honour. Rosie Lewis

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СКАЧАТЬ in limbo, despite her longing to be part of a loving family. Phoebe kept her distance until the trust between us grew strong enough to overcome her fears, something that couldn’t possibly happen overnight. I was beginning to suspect that with Zadie it was also going to be a case of playing the long game.

      At some point we were going to have to have a frank discussion, but with the teenager still struggling to get her breath back and Jamie waiting impatiently in the hall, now was definitely not the right time.

Chapter 4

      I drove towards Jamie’s school on autopilot, trying to assemble my thoughts in some sort of rational order. Every time I tried to figure out what had possessed Zadie to search for pornography, naked bodies punctured my concentration. Sashaying to the forefront of my mind, they taunted my already churning stomach with grinding gyrations and twisted leers.

      I considered the possibility that Zadie had stumbled onto the website by mistake. But whatever the reason, exposing a child to pornography was a form of abuse, and since it had happened under my roof and while Zadie was in my care, it followed that I was responsible. I let out a sigh, guiltily admonishing myself for not installing security locks before allowing Zadie to use the computer. I had tried parental controls before but quickly grown frustrated with them. The problem was that even tame sites seemed to be blocked by family-user settings, ones that Emily and Jamie found useful for homework, so I always ended up giving up on them.

      My mind was so caught up in what had happened that I almost drove straight past Jamie’s school. Fortunately we got there with a minute or two to spare. After dropping him at the gates I suggested to Zadie that we should take our walk then, rather than going out later in the day. The sky was already clouding over and I wasn’t sure how long the dry weather would hold out. Zadie nodded in lacklustre agreement. She had seemed reluctant to leave the house, as if the walls were a protective shell she couldn’t do without. As we headed towards the woods she seemed to withdraw even further into herself.

      The traffic grew lighter with the school-run chaos over, and as I approached an almost empty crossroads an idea came to me. Swinging the car into a U-turn, I drove back through a small village and on to a fellow foster carer’s house. Besides caring for three young boys, Jenny had recently taken in a rescue dog. Bobby, a Labrador, was still a puppy; just the sort of lively company I felt we needed. I knew that Jenny would probably be more than happy for us to give him some exercise.

      As I’d thought, Jenny readily agreed. ‘You’re in luck, Bobby,’ she called out, bending over to pat her knees. The excited puppy skidded along the wide hallway and collided into her legs, his tail wagging furiously. ‘You do know they forecast rain, Rosie?’ she said, clipping the lead onto the dog’s collar.

      ‘Hmmm, it does look overcast,’ I said, leaning in conspiratorially and stroking Bobby’s velvet ears. ‘But we need a bit of a distraction …’

      ‘Ah, right.’ Jenny nodded. ‘Time for a catch-up, I think,’ she said, leading Bobby to the car. ‘When are you free?’

      I cradled my chin with my forefinger. Zadie would obviously have to come with me, with her not being in school. I wanted to give the teenager a bit of time at home, a chance to get used to us before introducing her to lots of other strangers. ‘How about the week after next? Monday?’

      ‘Fine by me,’ Jenny said, guiding Bobby onto the back seat. ‘I’ll ask Rachel and Liz along as well. Hi, Zadie. Lovely to meet you.’

      Zadie lifted her chin in acknowledgement, her solemn face breaking into a rare smile when Bobby rested his heavy paws on her lap and nuzzled against her.

      Jenny remained on her front step as I pulled away, waving silently in my rear-view mirror. I was looking forward to getting together with some of the other carers. Working from home can be an isolating experience, and when coupled with the need to maintain confidentiality it was often a relief to meet up with Jenny, Liz and Rachel. Apart from the company, each of us was able to share any concerns or challenges we were facing openly, instead of keeping them bottled up.

      At the end of Jenny’s road we pulled onto a wide, tree-lined street. We drove on, past a little park and then back through the picturesque village where rows of shops and restaurants were prettily co-ordinated with awnings in complementary shades and window boxes ablaze with jasmine and trailing lobelia. Soon we reached the main road that runs parallel to the river. The tide was high and a light wind was buffeting the blue-grey water into miniature, white-crested waves. As I crossed the steady flow of traffic, I noticed a colourful steam barge emerging from beneath an ornate bridge, the top deck dotted with passengers. ‘Do you see that, Zadie?’

      She glanced sideways. ‘Oh, wow!’ she said, the unexpected enthusiasm in her voice taking me by surprise. In the rear-view mirror I could see her smiling and craning her neck as Bobby strained to lick her face. In that moment she looked so carefree that I felt a spike in my throat, upset to think that someone so young could, within minutes of logging onto the internet, access images as disturbing as the ones I’d seen earlier that morning.

      The memory brought an unpleasant roll to my stomach, my discomfort compounded by the fact that it had happened ‘on my watch’. A fine mist lowered itself over the river and my windscreen clouded with condensation. Flicking the wipers on, my gaze drifted across the water where several ugly 1970s tower blocks stood. The featureless concrete buildings rose from their scenic backdrop to dominate the skyline, casting ominous shadows over the natural beauty surrounding them. Their incongruity struck me as fittingly apt; the corrupting influence of a fast-paced world on someone as fragile as Zadie seemed to be.

      Three-year-old Charlie fell from a first-floor window of one of the blocks, into a large container of rubbish below. I would never forget how frightened he looked when he first arrived at my house, the cut on his head covered with a white bandage. I had recently heard how Charlie was getting on, living with his paternal grandmother; he was thriving and doing brilliantly at school. Pictures from the past often danced their way to the forefront of my mind, helping to boost my confidence at the beginning of a new placement. When things weren’t perhaps progressing as well as I hoped, it helped to remember how resilient children can be. Charlie’s rapid recovery was testament to that. Little did I realise back then that Zadie’s problems would take far longer to mend than Charlie’s cuts and bruises.

      Despite the watery grey sky it was pleasantly warm, and as we pulled into a car park at the end of a narrow lane I felt my mood lighten. Zadie seemed to have relaxed. She was giggling and chattering softly to Bobby as I opened the rear door and beckoned them out. On reflection, there was no reason why I couldn’t delay our internet safety chat until another day, by which time Zadie was likely to feel more comfortable in her new environment.

      As we walked side by side down a gentle slope and through a canopy of trees, a rich, woody fragrance rose to greet us. A narrow path stretched ahead into the forest, as far as the eye could see, and when we were a safe distance from the road I let Bobby off his lead. He bounded off with his tail high in the air, every so often tripping over his large front paws in his eagerness to explore. We strolled without speaking, our eyes focused on Bobby as he darted between trees and sent squirrels scattering in all directions.

      As we ventured deeper into the woods, the soft drone of traffic receded until it was barely audible. The loamy earth beneath our feet muffled the sound of our footsteps so that, apart from the occasional crack as we stepped on a twig, the scuffle of small pawed animals or the distant squawking of gulls, there was near silence. I began to chatter about other places we had visited in the past, hoping that Zadie might begin to reciprocate. She smiled politely and nodded in all the right places but, apart from the odd gasp when Bobby tumbled over, she remained more or СКАЧАТЬ