The Ultimate Introduction to NLP: How to build a successful life. Richard Bandler

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      Chapter 3

       HOW TO FEEL GOOD

      After the break, Richard returned promptly to the stage.

      Now, probably one of the most important lessons I learned in studying Virginia and Milton was that they always focused on getting the client into a different emotional state when thinking about their problems.

      If they could get the client to think about the problem while feeling good, it helped them to make powerful changes.

      NLP was created to give people more control over their mind. That’s in essence what we’re doing here. You have to realize that you can create any state that you want, whenever you want. You can learn to look at the same piece of personal history in a different way … Because the truth is that it’s not your personal history that makes you who you are, it’s your response to it.

      This was a particularly important concept for Joe. It’s not my past that makes me who I am but how I respond to it. He considered this while Richard continued:

      Everything I’ve done in the last 40 years has been about having personal freedom – that is, the freedom of choice. I don’t want to make it so that you can’t get angry or scared anymore. I want to make sure you can choose when to get angry or scared and what to get angry or scared about. That way, you can begin to make all of these things useful. Fear keeps you safe and out of trouble, but a fear of elevators? Really?

      You should be terrified of things that are worth being afraid about, like wasting your life mulling over the past!

      Joe knew that recently he hadn’t been getting on as well with his girlfriend partly because he was feeling under pressure, and that something similar was happening to her. I need to take more control over my moods, he thought.

      Now, the first thing that I want you to do today is a thought experiment.

      Whenever we think, we do so in three primary ways: we create mental images and movies, we talk to ourselves and we have feelings.

      Now, for years everyone was asking about what happened in your life rather than how you were thinking about it. What I discovered was that the way you thought about things was what determined how you felt. What that means is that you can help people change when you teach them to take control of the movies they make in their mind and the way they talk to themselves.