Josephine Cox Sunday Times Bestsellers Collection. Josephine Cox

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СКАЧАТЬ of us wanting to go to America and start over – all gone.’

      Quickening his steps he walked on in front. Thomas kept a close eye on him, while Vicky walked between him and Susie, wondering why her happy, safe little world had been so cruelly shattered.

      Inside the house the woman was all over Barney. ‘You’re not very friendly tonight, are you?’ Seated on his knee, she nibbled at his ear. ‘C’mon. Want to make love, do you?’

      Barney didn’t answer. The touch of her skin against his was repugnant to him, and he could smell her boozy breath on his face. ‘Best not,’ he said. ‘There’s no telling what time the family will be back.’ In his mind he could still see Lucy’s downcast face. She had come here to help him, and he had turned her away. What kind of monster was he becoming?

      Yet what choice did he have? This was the worst time of his life and he desperately needed his family by him. Instead, for their own sakes, he was deliberately alienating them.

      When the door suddenly opened to admit his two sons, Barney was flustered; for a split second he wasn’t sure what to do, but then he knew and with a sore heart he played his part well. ‘Oh look!’ Kissing the woman soundly on the mouth, he pointed to his family who, shocked and disgusted, were now gathered at the door. ‘It’s my precious family,’ he laughed. ‘Shall we ask them to leave? What d’you think?’

      Brazen, the woman sniggered. ‘A minute later and they might have caught you with your trousers off,’ she said.

      ‘Get out of my house!’ White-faced, her fists clenched with rage, Vicky rushed towards the woman. ‘Get out, or I swear to God, I won’t be responsible for my actions!’

      Realising he had tipped Vicky over the edge, Barney clambered to his feet. Taking hold of the woman he told her, ‘You’d best go.’

      ‘I want you to go with her.’ Vicky spoke quietly, but the rage trembled in her voice. She did not look at Barney. She had seen enough. ‘You’ve gone too far this time,’ she told him. ‘I don’t want you near me any more.’ The tears were rising, but she would not let them see.

      He hesitated, hating himself, loving her so much it hurt. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her it was all an act, that he had never stopped wanting her, that he would always love her.

      But he couldn’t do that. Instead, he looked at her and drank in her beauty, knowing he might never again hold her in his arms.

      ‘You heard what she said. GET OUT!’ Giving Barney a shove, Ronnie sent him sprawling towards the door.

      Before Barney could recover, his sons took one arm each and bundled him out of the door; the woman with him.

      ‘What kind of man are you?’ Thomas was shocked to his soul by Barney’s inexplicable behaviour. ‘You must know what you’re doing to us all. But it’s done now! You can’t hurt us any more. As far as we’re concerned, the Barney Davidson we knew is gone forever.’

      Outside in the cold, with the door to his own house closed against him, Barney was made to realise that at long last, he had earned the cold hatred of the family he adored. Dear God, what had he done? Not for the first time he questioned the wisdom of his own behaviour.

      ‘Come on, handsome!’ The woman grabbed hold of his arm. ‘Never mind them. Let’s find somewhere to bed down for the night.’

      Angry with himself, angry with her, he thrust her away. ‘Get out of my sight!’

      ‘Well, yer miserable bugger, all I’m doing is trying to cheer yer up!’

      Realising it wasn’t her fault, Barney softened. ‘You said you have a car waiting?’

      ‘That’s right.’ She pointed to the small vehicle tucked into the lane. ‘There it is.’

      Barney took her by the arm and leading her to the car, told the driver, ‘See she gets home safely, will you?’

      The driver, a burly fellow wearing a trilby, gave him a nod. ‘I got her here, and I’ll get her back,’ he said.

      Barney helped her into the front seat, and watched them drive away. For a long time, he stood hidden by the window, watching as his sons comforted Vicky. Seeing her sob like that wrenched him apart.

      Suddenly, Susie saw him there and running out, she grabbed up a handful of mud and threw it at him, catching him hard on the neck. ‘I hate you!’ Sobbing uncontrollably, she kept saying it over and over, throwing the mud and telling him, ‘I hate you, I hate you …’

      A moment later, Vicky appeared to put her arm round the girl’s shoulders. ‘Come away, sweetheart.’ She looked at Barney, covered in mud, forlorn and haggard, and for a while it seemed she might go to him. But then she said brokenly, ‘I don’t know who you are any more.’ Head bowed and with her daughter close, she walked away, and never once looked back.

      Barney was a finished man. He saw the curtains close against him, and he remained there until he felt the cold reach right into his bones. Broken, he turned away, and walked on through the night, not knowing where he was going, not caring.

      Having talked with Barney’s family, Leonard Maitland set out for a walk across the heath, as he always did at this time of night. It was a sorry affair, he thought. Barney had a new life just for the taking, and now it all seemed to be thrown by the wayside. He couldn’t know how fortunate he was, to have a lovely family and a wife like Vicky – so beautiful, hardworking and totally devoted. Leonard would have given anything for such a woman, and here was Barney, casting her aside, like the bloody fool he was!

      He walked on; his usual route was to turn at the spinney and come back by the river. Just then, he saw a figure sitting on the ground. Leonard could hardly believe his eyes. ‘Barney Davidson! What in God’s name d’you think you’re doing, man?’ Coming forward, he leaned down. ‘Are you all right? Are you ill?’ Sitting, arms folded with his back to a tree trunk, Barney was shivering uncontrollably.

      Leonard went to help him up, visibly startled when Barney took hold of him. ‘You have to listen,’ Barney pleaded. ‘You have to help me.’

      ‘Of course I’ll help you. What on earth are you doing out here? Come home with me. We’ll soon get you warmed up and then I’ll run you back to the farm. Heavens above, man, you’re like ice!’ Taking off his jacket he wrapped it round Barney’s shoulders.

      But Barney would not budge. ‘You don’t understand,’ he mumbled. ‘None of them understand.’ Suddenly he was sobbing. ‘I had to do it, y’see? I had to turn them against me, it was the only way. The booze, the women, the fighting – it was all an act. I had to do it …’

      When the sobbing took hold and he could no longer speak, Leonard took him gently away.

      ‘Come home with me,’ he said compassionately. ‘Whatever it is, we’ll make it right. I promise.’

      Half-supporting, half-carrying him, Leonard took Barney through the night, and when they reached The Manse he settled him on the sofa in front of a roaring fire. ‘I’ll get a blanket … keep you warm. Then I’ll let your wife and family know that you’re safe,’ he told him.

      Panicking, Barney stumbled from the sofa and taking hold of Leonard by the collar, he begged him not to tell them. ‘I СКАЧАТЬ