Final Score. Michelle Betham

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СКАЧАТЬ not let me be the judge of what’s fair and what isn’t?’

      ‘Because that in itself isn’t fair, don’t you get it?’

      ‘What I get, Amber, is that you’re pushing me away because you can’t move on. You can’t fucking forget him, and I know that’s hard, because he’s here all the time…’

      ‘Which is why I need to get away, Ryan.’

      ‘You need to get over him. If he doesn’t want you, why are you wasting your time? Why are you even bothering to give him any thought at all. Amber, I love you. I love you, and I want this to work… I want us to work. I don’t want you to leave because you need to get away from him, I don’t want you to do that.’

      ‘Ryan…’ His mouth touching hers stopped her mid-sentence. Not that she’d had any idea what she’d been going to say anyway. And it felt nice, his kiss. His mouth was soft against hers, their lips moving together in a perfect rhythm, and for a few seconds Amber once more lost herself in that kiss. She allowed herself a few seconds to think about how it could be, if she was to just let it happen. The past few months had been good. Ryan had changed so much from that man she’d first encountered a couple of years ago. He was different now. He’d grown up, learnt to control himself; overcome his demons. And she was proud of him. He’d helped her through a crazy, unpredictable time in her life when, at times, she’d thought it was all crashing down around her. And she’d honestly thought she could love him again and that they finally stood a chance after everything that had managed to get in the way before. But now she wasn’t so sure. She just couldn’t be sure any more. And what he didn’t deserve was her making him think something could happen, if it really wasn’t going to.

      ‘I love you,’ he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

      ‘I know, baby. I know you do.’ Why couldn’t she love him back? Why couldn’t she do that? It would make everything so much easier if she could just do that.

      ‘Then let’s go home and talk about this. Rico can stay with your dad and we can…’

      She shook her head, pulling away from him. ‘No, Ryan. I’m sorry… Look, if you want to take Rico tonight, just talk to my dad. He’s got all the baby stuff, and if you want to take him…’

      He grabbed her hand as she started to walk away, stopping her in her tracks. But she didn’t turn around when he spoke. She couldn’t. She wasn’t even sure she could look at him now without the guilt overwhelming her. ‘I love you, Amber. Just remember that.’

      She gently pulled her hand away from his and almost ran down the corridor, pushing open the doors that led out into the main reception so hard she almost flung them off their hinges, so desperate was her need to get away from that situation.

      Stepping out into the almost empty, and thankfully cool, reception area, she walked over to the huge floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the main entrance, watching as the last of the derby-day crowd hung around outside, waiting to see if they could catch a glimpse of any of the players leaving.

      ‘Did that kiss mean anything?’

      She felt a shiver run up her spine as his hand lightly touched the small of her back, staying there for a brief second or two. But he stayed behind her; she could feel him standing there, even if he wasn’t touching her now.

      ‘He loves me, Jim.’

      ‘But you don’t love him back.’

      She couldn’t argue with that. She couldn’t lie, what would be the point? ‘I do love him.’

      ‘But you’re not in love with him. Are you?’

      She kept her gaze on the now-dwindling crowd outside. ‘Not here, Jim.’

      ‘Then come with me. Somewhere we can talk.’

      ‘You still think there’s something to talk about?’

      She felt him lean in towards her again, his breath warm on her cheek as he whispered in her ear. ‘Yes. I do.’ His hand was resting in the small of her back again, and she felt that shiver return, her stomach diving down and flipping over. ‘I shouldn’t have touched you, Amber. Before. I shouldn’t have done that. Because now I need to do it all over again. I need to hold you, to feel you – to come inside you. All over again.’

      She closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them he’d be gone, that he’d never really been there because she didn’t need this. She didn’t. This wasn’t how things were supposed to have worked out. She was supposed to have stayed with Ryan, had his baby and tried to make a go of it. Tried to settle down. But she should have known, from the second Jim Allen had walked back into her life, that that was never going to happen. How could it? When he took over everything, invaded her every waking thought, whether she was aware of it or not. When he was always there. Always. And he’d been there for over twenty years now. How was she supposed to forget all of that?

      ‘Don’t do this, Jim. Please.’ She turned around, looking up into his eyes. ‘This has come out of nowhere…’

      ‘Has it?’ His eyes never left hers, his hand reaching out to gently touch her cheek. ‘You know where I am. If you need me.’

      She felt that all-too-familiar wave of confusion wash over her once more as she watched him walk away, out of the ground. Her first love. Her ex-husband. Her obsession.

      ‘What did he want?’ Ronnie asked, sidling up beside her, his gaze following Amber’s.

      ‘Nothing.’

      ‘You use that word a lot, as far as answers to questions are concerned.’

      She turned to face him. ‘Okay. Well, maybe I should expand on that answer, then. It’s got nothing to do with you.’

      ‘Nice.’

      She threw herself down into one of the chairs that graced the huge entrance atrium, leaning her head right back and letting out a quiet but heavy sigh. ‘How the hell did I end up here?’

      Ronnie sat down on the arm of the chair, clasping his hands together. ‘Because you never really were as strong as you thought you were.’

      Amber glared at him.

      ‘As far as men are concerned. As far as one man is concerned.’

      She sat up, dropping her head into her hands and burying her fingers in her hair, letting loose another frustrated groan. ‘Two years ago I was happy, Ronnie. I had a great job, independence, a life I could control… and now look at me. I’m nothing but an over-emotional wreck with a complicated, fucked-up life!’

      ‘You’ve got an incredible career, Amber. And you’ve got Rico. There’s nothing fucked-up or complicated about that.’

      She looked at him again. ‘Rico is the best thing that ever happened to me, Ronnie. He’s the only thing I’ve got right in the past few months. But I’m not talking about my career, or my baby. They’re good, I know they are. It’s everything else that’s fucked-up.’

      ‘So, like I said, do something about it.’

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