Carthage. Joyce Carol Oates

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      You can’t expect a miracle to be perfect!

      The ears, the scalp, the forehead, the lids of the eyes. The throat beneath the jaw, on your right side. Except in bright light you would think it was an ordinary burn—burns.

      Oh please don’t flinch, Brett—when I kiss you. Please.

      It’s like a sliver of glass in the heart—when you push me from you.

      IF PEOPLE ARE looking at you in Carthage it is only because they know of you—your medals, your honors. They are admiring of you, for you are a war hero but they would not want to intrude.

      Like Daddy. He is so admiring of you, Brett!—but Daddy has a funny way about him when he’s emotional—gets very quiet—people wouldn’t believe that Zeno Mayfield is a shy man really.

      Well I mean—essentially.

      It’s hard for men to talk about—certain things. Daddy had not ever had a son, only daughters. To us, Daddy talks. We listen.

      And Mom talks about you all the time. When you were in Iraq, in combat, she prayed for you all the time. She worried more when we didn’t hear from you than I did, almost . . .

      All of my family, Brett. All of the Mayfields.

      Try to believe—we love you.

      I WISH YOU would come back to church with me, Brett.

      Everyone is missing you there.

      We have a new minister—he’s very nice.

      And his wife, she’s very nice.

      They ask after you every Sunday. They know about you of course.

      I mean—they know that you are returned to us safely.

      There are other veterans in the congregation, I think. They don’t come every week. But I think you know two of them at least—Denny Bisher and Brandon Kranach. Maybe they’d been in Iraq, or maybe Afghanistan.

      Denny is in a wheelchair. Denny’s younger brother wheels him in. Or his mother. How’s Brett Denny is always asking me and I tell him you’ll contact him soon . . .

      How’s Corporal Kincaid. How’s that cool dude.

      No, please! Don’t be angry with me, I am sorry.

      . . . I will not bring Denny up again.

      . . . I will not bring church up again.

      Don’t be angry at me, please I am sorry.

      JUST FIREWORKS, BRETT! Over at Palisade Park.

      The windows are shut. Air conditioner is on.

      I can turn the music higher so you won’t hear.

      I said honey—just fireworks. You know—Fourth of July in the park.

      Yes better not to go this year.

      I told them not to expect us—Mom and Dad. We have other things to do.

      WHICH TABLETS?—the white ones, or . . .

      I can bring you a glass of water.

      OK, a glass of beer. But the doctor said . . .

      . . . not a good idea to mix “alcohol” and “meds” . . .

      Don’t—please.

      WE WILL PRACTICE, in the church. Before the wedding rehearsal, we will practice.

      You do not limp. Only just—sometimes—you seem to lose your balance—you make that sudden jerking movement with your legs like in a dream.

      I think it is not real. It is just something in your head.

      HAND-EYE COORDINATION. THEY have promised.

      In the video, you can see how that boy improved.

      There are many miracles. The great miracle God has provided is, you are alive and we are together.

      The doctor—neurologist—says it is a matter of neuron-recircuiting.

      It is a matter of new brain cells learning to take over from the damaged brain cells. It is neurogenesis.

      Like not-sleeping. The brain “forgets” how to sleep. Like—sometimes—the brain forgets how to control “elimination.” It is no one’s fault.

      These reflexes will come back in time, the doctor said.

      WHEN THE GRENADE exploded, and the wall collapsed.

      It was combat. It was in action. Which is why you have been awarded a Purple Heart.

      And the Infantry Combat Badge which is a special badge beautiful gold-braided in the shape of a U with a miniature facsimile of a long-barreled rifle against a blue background. A badge to hold in the hand and contemplate like a gem.

      Like a gem that is a riddle, or a riddle that is a gem.

      How brave you were, from the start.

      Which is why you must not feel shame, that you are returned to us.

      You are not a traitor or a coward. You did not let your platoon down. You were injured, and you are convalescing. And you are in rehab.

      And you will be married.

      WE WILL HAVE CHILDREN, I vow. A son.

      I know this. This is possible!

      We will do it. We will surprise them. In rehab they have promised—the older doctor said, to me—If you love your future husband and will not give up but persevere a pregnancy is not impossible.

      Lots of disabled vets have fathered children. This is well known.

      The MRI did not detect any growth. The MRI did not detect any blood-clots. The MRI did not detect any “irregularities.”

      Whatever you see in your head like in dreams is not real. You know this!

      CORPORAL BRETT GRAHAM Kincaid.

      On the maps, we tried to follow you.

      Baghdad—that was the first.

      Diyala Province. Sadah.

      Where you were hurt—Kirkuk.

      Where the maps gave out—faded.

      So far from Carthage.

      OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM.

      Very few people in Carthage know the difference—if there is a difference—between “Iraq” СКАЧАТЬ