Broken: Part 3 of 3: A traumatised girl. Her troubled brother. Their shocking secret.. Rosie Lewis

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СКАЧАТЬ but refused to have anything to do with mouldable dough, which she described as ‘disgusting’. I was also getting to know some of her triggers. I could tell when she was tired – her manic spins fading to drunken, endearing lollops – and when she was upping the ante for no other reason than because she needed a hug.

      Archie, though, was still a mystery. I knew the image he liked to project well enough, and conversing with him was easy, but part of him was still more or less closed off. ‘Who’s going to be there today, Rosie?’ he asked as he rearranged the cutlery so that it was perpendicular to the mats.

      It wasn’t the first time he’d asked and I could hear the reluctance in his voice. My friend Naomi had called the previous night and tearfully invited us to meet her at a stately home owned by the National Trust. I had first met Naomi on an Understanding Attachment course a year earlier, soon after she had adopted a sibling group of three. Overwhelmed and exhausted by the sudden change in her life, she had opened up to me over lunch one day and told me all about her struggles to build a family – her miscarriages and failed attempts at IVF.

      When she and her husband had finally decided to adopt, social workers told her that they needed to mourn the losses they’d experienced before they could progress to being assessed, and it was another two years before they were finally matched with the siblings. The couple fell in love with the children on sight but the eldest child, who had been four at the time of placement, struggled to accept the loss of his old family and the imposition of a new one.

      Aiden, now five, still insisted on using wet wipes whenever Naomi touched him, a daily rejection that broke her heart, and seemed intent on doing all he could to disrupt the growing bond between his new parents and younger siblings. Naomi and her husband understood that his behaviour was rooted in fear, but sometimes it was difficult for them not to take it personally.

      I think being out of the house alleviated some of the pressure on the family, and Naomi often asked us to meet up, whatever the weather.

      I had shown Archie, Bobbi and Megan pictures of the maze and natural play area we were planning to visit and they had all been excited, but as soon as I mentioned that we were meeting others there, Archie’s face fell. He tried his hardest to project a confident image to the world but his fingers trembled at the prospect of being introduced to new people and I suspected that, on the inside, he was spinning as rapidly as his sister.

      ‘Only my friend Naomi and her children,’ I said lightly. ‘Don’t worry, honey, I’ll make sure you have fun.’

      ‘I’m not worried,’ he said in an equally light, if slightly strained tone. He nudged a stray chair in line with the table and moved one of the bowls an inch to the right.

      It was unseasonably mild for February and when we arrived it was so sunny that we left our coats in the car. Naomi was waiting for us near the gatekeeper’s house at the entrance to the grounds, her children running around on the neatly manicured grass nearby.

      Toby, Aiden’s four-year-old brother, ran through the gates as soon as he saw us. I leaned down to talk to him. ‘Hello, Toby, how are you?’

      He turned his wide blue eyes up to look at me. ‘Aiden says she not our real mummy,’ he blurted out loudly, pointing at Naomi with the unapologetic, unflinching honesty that only young children are capable of.

      ‘That’s cos she’s not,’ Aiden said when he caught up with his brother. He was a thin boy with short brown hair, pale skin and downturned, slightly sunken eyes.

      ‘She looks real enough to me,’ I said lightly, glancing at Naomi. She was walking towards us with a slow, defeated air.

      Toby looked thoughtful. ‘Aiden says the other mummy is our real mummy, not this one, cos we didn’t grow in her tummy. We grew in old mummy’s tummy but Mummy says we’re not allowed to see old mummy any more cos she’s dangerous.’

      ‘I didn’t say that!’ Naomi said defensively. She strode over, knelt down in front of Toby and held one of his hands. She reached out her other hand towards Aiden but he screwed his face up in disgust and looked away. Naomi turned back to Toby, her expression tense. ‘I said that Tummy Mummy can’t keep you safe, honey. I didn’t say she was dangerous.’

      Toby frowned, looking uncertain. Beside me, Archie and Bobbi were both paying close attention to the conversation. A strange expression flitted across Archie’s face, one I couldn’t quite decipher. A few feet away, Aiden was staring at his adoptive mother with a look of longing that tugged at my heart.

      I crouched next to Naomi and pulled Megan onto my knee. ‘Do you know what, Toby? Megan didn’t grow in my tummy either. She grew in my heart, just like her brother and sister. And look,’ I jabbed a forefinger first into my chest and then into Megan’s. ‘I’m real, she’s real. And Mummy is real too.’ Megan giggled. I tried to be as open as possible about her adoption, using the word lightly in everyday conversation so that the news that we weren’t biologically related wouldn’t come as a shock one day. I think its meaning was slowly beginning to sink in.

      Toby grinned and smiled at Naomi. She gave him a hug and the tension in his face melted away. I eased Megan off my lap and was about to stand up when Archie leaned down, his face level with Toby’s. ‘Just because you grow in someone’s tummy don’t mean they love you better than someone else,’ he said. His voice was laced with bitterness, but he was trying to make the little boy feel better. ‘I grew in my mum’s tummy, but Rosie’s the one that cares about me.’

      Naomi and I exchanged glances. It was a telling comment, one I wanted to record accurately once I got home. I smiled at Archie sadly, feeling ever so slightly choked.

      ‘It tears me apart,’ Naomi said later, as we sat side by side on a wooden bench near the exit of the maze. I pulled a flask out of my bag and poured us both a cup of tea, listening to the shouts and giggles from the children as they chased each other around on the other side of the tall hedge. ‘I just don’t know what I have to do to get through to him. I love him so much, but he doesn’t even want to be in the same room as me.’ She threw her eyes skyward. ‘That’s probably why I lost all those babies. Him up there knew I’d be a rubbish mum.’ Naomi was a long-time member of the Salvation Army who had managed to cling onto her faith despite all she’d been through. Her lips trembled as she took a shaky sip of tea.

      ‘Oh, Naz, you mustn’t think that, really you mustn’t. You were meant to be mummy to these children, and they were meant to be with you. All of that awful stuff you all went through helped you to find each other.’ I squeezed her arm. ‘You should have more faith in yourself. You’re not doing anything wrong. Aiden is a very frightened little boy. He’s petrified of getting too close in case he loses everything again, you know that. You’ve done the courses, got the T-shirts. But I tell you what. He wants you desperately; I can see it in his eyes.’

      ‘Really?’ She lowered her cup to her knee. ‘I don’t see that. You really think so?’

      I told her about the way Aiden had looked at her earlier. ‘You’re getting closer than you think,’ I said. She gave me a teary nod.

      Not long afterwards, the children came charging out of the maze in a spray of woodchips and soil. ‘Can we see the house now, Mummy?’ Megan asked, giggling as Toby began to chase her around my legs. Megan loved the outdoors but old buildings held a special fascination for her and she’d been asking to look around the house ever since we arrived.

      I glanced at Naomi. ‘I’m up for it if you are,’ she said.

      All of the children surprised us with their enthusiasm, СКАЧАТЬ