Walking Back to Happiness. Anne Bennett

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СКАЧАТЬ spun sugar,’ Arthur told her. ‘There are toffee apples too.’

      But he didn’t offer to buy Hannah either and she was too shy of him to ask, but she felt disappointed and told herself not to be silly, she couldn’t sample all the delights of the place on her first evening. Arthur didn’t offer to take her on any ride either and in fact, told her firmly that they were a waste of money.

      Hannah supposed they were, but they appeared such fun. ‘People seem to enjoy them though, Arthur,’ she ventured.

      ‘Hmph. A fool and his money are soon parted,’ Arthur said pompously.

      ‘But we could spend a little, couldn’t we?’ Hannah said. ‘To sort of get value out of the place.’

      ‘“Value out of the place!’” Arthur repeated. ‘My dear, we’ve just had a wedding which was not cheap, despite the help Mrs Emmerson gave us and there was the train journey here, and the lodging house we’re staying in. Believe me, there is little over for indulging in a fair. Never mind,’ he went on consolingly, as he patted her arm. ‘Women are not supposed to understand such matters.’

      Hannah opened her mouth to argue, but shut it again. She’d paid for Josie’s outfit and her own, but the small reception in the room behind the Lyndhurst pub afterwards had been paid for by Gloria on her insistence. The honeymoon was Arthur’s contribution, and maybe it had cost a lot and there was little over, but surely just one or two rides wouldn’t break the bank?

      ‘Tomorrow,’ Arthur said, ‘we’ll take a walk along the front. That at least won’t cost us a penny. And now, I think we should make for home. I’m ready for bed myself.’

      Hannah felt her face flame. The pleasures she’d lovingly shared with Mike Murphy she could now share legally and properly with her husband. She hoped he’d never need know that she wasn’t a virgin, for she knew a man like him would expect her to be.

      But Hannah needn’t have worried. They returned to the hotel frozen, their red cheeks and dishevelled clothes showing the power of the wind. Arthur smiled at her as she took off her coat and tried to flatten her hair. ‘Leave it,’ he said. ‘You look lovely. Would you like a nightcap?’

      Hannah had never cared overmuch for any alcohol she’d ever tasted, so she said, ‘Not for me, Arthur. I’m chilled through and I’d really like a cup of tea.’

      Arthur laughed. ‘Really, my dear. You can’t have a cup of tea. If you want warming up, I’ll buy you a brandy. That should do the trick, but don’t get too much of a taste for it. It’s very expensive stuff.’

      Hannah, from the first sip, knew she’d never develop a taste for brandy. She thought it was like the worst medicine she’d ever been forced to swallow. It did warm her up, however, although she felt her throat to be on fire.

      It didn’t stop the shaking inside though, for that wasn’t due just to the cold, and her heart began to jump about in her chest when Arthur whispered in her ear just as she drained her glass. ‘Shall we go up?’

      Upstairs in the bedroom, Arthur seemed like a different being. His eyes looked heavy and his mouth rather slack and Hannah knew he was filled with desire for her. She wished she felt something for him, but he stirred her not at all.

      But, she reminded herself, she’d married him. Because a priest spoke words over them and they had a paper proving they were man and wife, Arthur had a perfect right to do as he pleased and she had to submit to him. She’d never felt she’d submitted to Mike. She’d wanted sex as much as he had. And now, though she didn’t love Arthur, she liked him well enough and in a way longed for fulfilment, so why was she shaking and afraid? She at least knew what it was about, though she’d have to hide that fact from Arthur, so there was no need at all for her to feel nervous. It was perfectly normal and natural and she told herself to get a grip.

      She undressed hastily and slid under the covers, hiding her nakedness. ‘Put out the light, Arthur,’ she begged, and Arthur did before getting into bed beside her. Hannah felt Arthur trembling and knowing he was as nervous as she was, she put her arms around him. ‘You are a very beautiful girl, Hannah, do you know that?’ he said and without waiting for a reply went on, ‘I feel a very fortunate man tonight.’

      ‘Oh Arthur …’ Embarrassed, Hannah began to protest. However, she got no further for Arthur kissed her, but not the tender, tentative kiss she’d been expecting and would have welcomed. Arthur’s kiss was like a stamp of ownership and Hannah felt her lips pushed against her teeth. And then Arthur parted her lips and pushed his tongue into her mouth till she felt she would choke and she began to thrash her head backwards and forwards.

      This seemed to excite Arthur further. Panting heavily, he released Hannah and then he sat astride her, kneading her breasts savagely with his fingers, squeezing her nipples until she cried out in pain.

      Arthur smiled, taking Hannah’s cries to be born of desire, and slipped one hand between her legs while the other trailed over her body.

      Hannah opened her eyes that she’d kept closed in pain and saw Arthur’s face contorted with desire and she felt excitement building inside her. And yet, she felt no hardening of Arthur’s penis against her and looking down, she saw it between her legs, as soft and flaccid as when he’d begun.

      Arthur caught Hannah’s eyes on him and his face flushed crimson with shame. He threw back the covers from them both and sat on the bed, his head in his hands, and began to sob.

      Hannah dampened down her own frustration, for she felt sorry for Arthur and she knelt up in bed and gently put her arms around him. He raised his eyes, hardly able to believe what Hannah was doing. He felt inadequate and very ashamed. ‘I’m sorry.’

      ‘Ssh, it doesn’t matter.’

      ‘You … You don’t mind. You don’t despise me?’

      ‘No. No, of course I don’t despise you. The very idea!’ Hannah said.

      ‘But … But it’s our wedding day … Our wedding night.’

      ‘And such a lot of nonsense spoken about it,’ Hannah said fiercely. ‘It would put a lot of stress and strain on anyone. It’s a wonder any couple does it the first night. Maybe they don’t indeed. No one would ever know. Don’t worry, Arthur. Haven’t we the rest of our lives to get it right?’

      Arthur felt relief flood over him. He’d been aware of this problem all his adult life, though it had never bothered him, but he’d thought and hoped that with Hannah, whom he admired and respected, it might resolve itself.

      And yet Hannah proved to be so understanding, so sympathetic, so special, that Arthur began to feel better about himself. He allowed her to coax him back to bed where she snuggled down under the covers, and curled her body around his. She lay awake long after Arthur slept and vowed to herself that she’d never make Arthur feel bad about that night.

      The next morning, Arthur seemed fully recovered and was his usual attentive self and Hannah knew that that was how he was going to deal with it – pretend it had never happened.

      She took her lead from him. That day, they strode out after breakfast up to the front. Hannah had never seen the sea, except for the grey expanse of water she’d crossed on her way to Ireland.

      She’d never heard the roar of it, or seen a long beach of dull, beige-coloured sand and large grey and black boulders. She’d never СКАЧАТЬ