The Complete Short Stories: The 1950s. Brian Aldiss

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СКАЧАТЬ don’t,’ Carappa said. ‘We’ve been together in this all along, Tom; I won’t let you desert me now. You’re coming too.’

      ‘I couldn’t face it,’ Brandyholm pleaded. ‘Please let me go. I’m a different kind from you – I belong to the ship.’

      As he watched, Carappa’s face hardened dangerously. The priest’s fist doubled and came slowly up. His lips gradually thrust out, as if in relish at the weakness in Brandyholm’s features. Then he shrugged, and said in a flat voice, ‘Get out, then.’ He turned his broad back in contempt.

      That there should be no trust between men was an integral part of the Teaching. It seemed a miracle to Brandyholm to be standing again in the peppered night of space: he had momentarily expected a bullet in the back from the priest’s gun.

      He squared his shoulders inside the space suit and began to walk slowly back to the escape lock in the giant hull. His feeble bluff had succeeded; liars like Carappa can easily be taken in by lies. Without a doubt Crooner would trick the priest sooner or later, whereas he, Tom Brandyholm, had escaped by returning; he had the power that lay in knowledge. His was the victory.

      He came to the lock. Remembering Carappa could hear over the suit-to-suit, he said, ‘Good-bye, priest. I’m just going back into the rat run. Only it’s going to be a different rat run from now on. The Council of Five is going to be a Council of Six. Or if I don’t like their manners, it may just be a Council of One. You thought I was weak, but I’m not. I’m going to show ’em all.’

      He clung to a hand-grip to steady himself. Ambition seemed suddenly to consume his very bones.

      ‘And remember Master Scott, Carappa?’ he continued. ‘He’ll be the first to go to the wall. And that girl Viann – ’ as he spoke her name, she seemed at that instant to be the reason for his return ‘– Viann might well be all that Gwenny never could be.’

      The priest flung back an obscene answer which Brandyholm scarcely heeded. He activated the lock. Slowly the panel slid back. The ship! It always had been his world and always would: its confinement, its jungles, its foetid corridors, its taboos and terrors; but now he would be more than a mere hunter – he would be a ruler. Eagerly, he stepped inside.

      A dozen figures awaited him. He drew up in amazement. Although they all wore suits and helmets, he recognised Viann at once. And another face that he knew was Master Scott’s. Master Scott, as did many of the others, held a weapon levelled at Brandyholm’s heart.

      ‘Yes, we’ve been listening carefully over the suit radios,’ Master Scott said. ‘You came back inopportunely, didn’t you?’

      ‘Uh – uh,’ Brandyholm began, but no words came. His last bolt had been shot. Now the journey was over. The pressures in his brain burst out against their artificial dam, flooding and breaking their neural paths. He tried to summon rage to his aid, to help and strengthen him, but it would not come. He reeled blindly in the semi-dark.

      ‘We were waiting quietly here to rush the relief rocket when it arrives,’ Scott said levelly. ‘And then in you come, with your big ideas. Well, I think there’s still time to finish you.’

      He turned to look at Viann, who had rested a hand on his suit. She shook her head.

      ‘Leave him,’ she said. ‘He’s harmless now.’

      Indeed, Brandyholm had slumped to his knees, almost in an attitude of prayer. The great stars beyond him were suddenly blotted out by the dark, arriving shape of the relief rocket.

       Psyclops

      Mmm I.

      First statement: I am I. I am everything. Everything, everywhere.

      The universe is constructed of me, I am the whole of it. Am I? What is that throbbing that is not of me? That must be me too; after a while I shall understand it. All now is dim. Dim mmmm.

      Even I am dim. In all this great strangeness and darkness of me, in all this universe of me, I am shadow. A memory of me. Could I be a memory of … not – me? Paradox: if I am everything, could there be a not-me?

      Why am I having thoughts? Why am I not, as I was before, just mmmm?

       Wake up! It’s urgent!

      No! Deny it! I am the universe. If you can speak to me you must be me, so I command you to be still. There must be only the soothing mmmm.

       … you are not the universe! Listen!

      Louder?

       Can you hear at last?

      Non-comprehension. I must be everything. Can there be a part of me, like the throbbing, which is … separate?

       Am I getting through? Answer!

      Who … are you?

       Do not be frightened.

      Are you another … universe?

       I am not a universe. You are not a universe. You are in danger and I must help you.

      Mmmm. Must be mmmm …

       … If only there were a psychofoetalist within light-years of here … Well, keep trying. Wake up! You must wake up to survive!

      Who are you?

       I am your father.

      Non-comprehension. Are you the throbbing which is not me?

       No. I am a long way from you. Light-years away.

      You bring me feelings of … pain.

       Don’t be afraid of it, but know there is much pain all about you. I am in constant pain.

      Interest.

       Good! First things first. You are most important.

      I know that. All this is not happening. Somehow I catch these echoes, these dreams.

       Try to concentrate. You are only one of millions like you. You and I are of the same species: human beings. I am born, you are unborn.

      Meaningless.

       Listen! Your ‘universe’ is inside another human being. Soon you will emerge into the real universe.

      Still meaningless. Curious.

       Keep alert. I will send you pictures to help you understand …

      Uh …? Distance? Sight? Colour? Form? Definitely do not like this. Frightened. Frightened of falling, insecure … Must immediately retreat to safe mmmm. Mmmm.

       Better let him rest! After all, he’s only six months; at the Pre-natal Academies they don’t begin СКАЧАТЬ