The Younger Man. Sarah Tucker

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СКАЧАТЬ that’s pissed me off. New partner but we have to share PAs. Ridiculous, but Brian also knows my thoughts on this and has obviously decided one is good for the two of us. So doubly pissed off.

      I’ve managed to control the smile and the blushes and speak. ‘That’s fine.’

      Brian then proceeds to discuss all other matters. Other cases in hand which I will be dealing with over the next few months, including one that involves flying to New York. Which is great, because I can stock up on my knicker drawer with Victoria’s Secrets.

      He talks about what Joe will be doing in the firm, and how we will work together. I’m listening and taking it in but it’s all a bit surreal because I’m feeling some very strong mixed emotions—annoyed and attracted at the same time. And I don’t find many men attractive these days. I’m not talking physically here—I just mean as people. Even those ones I meet out of court. I don’t play the game of boosting their egos so eventually they can knock mine down. If they say they’re not worthy of me, I let them. If they boast about their sexual prowess, I let them. And eventually they calm down, forget to impress or appear sensitive or macho and become themselves. So I haven’t been attracted to many men. I’ve spent years bringing up Sarah and working and men have made an occasional guest appearance—usually about one in every two years, when I could fit them in. I would never introduce them to Sarah for the first few months, and then I would introduce them, see how they spoke to her and dealt with her questioning. I remember her asking Dominic once if he loved me. He said he did, and she said that was nice but that he wasn’t good enough for me. One of the lesser embarrassing moments. The very few who I allowed into my diary and my heart, like I did with Dominic, they’ve broken it—so I don’t want to go there again. And especially not with someone I work with. Fran’s right. I do come across as much stronger than I am. I’m not as strong so I’m wary now, very wary of any sort of attraction—and especially one that starts in the office. Plus, I don’t want this sort of complication here. This is my territory, where I am strong and confident and focused. I don’t want a man messing up both my professional and personal life all in one go. But I’ve had the lightning bolt. I’ve never had a lightning-bolt moment. Fran is right about that, too, they do come when you least expect them. My heart jumps every time Joe Ryan utters a word. It’s very disconcerting. It’s as though I’m concentrating on the way he speaks rather than what he’s saying. He has a dark honeyed voice. He speaks neither too fast nor too slow, with considered pauses and the right inflection at the right time. For fuck’s sake, Hazel, you’re analysing his speech. Hope he doesn’t ask me anything. I’ve got to concentrate, but at least that gives me an opportunity to survey him further and take him in properly. He looks young. He looks older than twenty-nine but I’m sure he said twenty-nine. He looks midthirties, possibly early thirties. He looks younger than me. But not by much. He’s got blue, no green, no (mustn’t stare too much into his eyes now), brown eyes. Yes, brown eyes and long eyelashes. Why do men always have long eyelashes? I have to buy YSL extra-long eyelash mascara to get a decent length. Strong chin, olive skin. Or perhaps he’s been on holiday recently, probably with the girlfriend. Or perhaps it could have been with the lads. To South America or China perhaps—or if he’s square, Australia or the South of France. He’s wearing a dark blue suit so nothing new there. It’s well tailored and well fitting, but all men look good in suits. Brian always dresses well, but he’s gay so that’s to be expected. Perhaps Joe Ryan is, too. Probably for the best anyway if he is. I survey his hands. They are large and there’s no wedding ring. Which is a good thing—although this may mean he is gay, or German (German men don’t wear wedding rings), or perhaps he’s just fussy and hasn’t found the right girl yet—or has, but she won’t marry him, silly girl. Or perhaps can’t because she’s married already. There’s one signet ring perhaps given to him by his mother or lover or girlfriend. Or someone else’s girlfriend. What does he smell like? I breathe in, trying to make sense of the scent. Is he wearing aftershave or is it his natural pheromones? Can’t tell so will have to find that one out later. Over a drink at lunch perhaps. Is he slim? Can’t tell as he’s sitting down. Tall? Probably. He sits up quite straight, but perhaps he’s got a long body and short, stodgy legs, his feet dangling off the floor like some five-year-old school boy. Perhaps I should drop a pen and find out if he’s a munchkin. I drop a pen and look under the table. No, no, his feet are on the floor. Black shiny shoes. Churches. Euck. Churches, as worn by City Boys. Perhaps he’s square. But Brian wouldn’t have hired a square, nor someone gay, as he knows both wouldn’t fit into the chemistry of the office. I pick up the pen and return to the table, Brian staring at me smiling as though he knows what I’ve been doing. He probably thinks I’m trying to check out the size of Joe’s manhood. As if I could see. Not that it didn’t pass my mind.

      Back with the meeting, now happily convinced Joe Ryan is a decent height, well groomed, smells tolerable and could very well be straight and unmarried, I smile again, this time more businesslike (showing the teeth).

      ‘I look forward to working with you, Joe. And welcome to the firm.’

      ‘I look forward to working with you, too, Hazel. I’m sure we’ll work well together.’

      ‘Right, I think that’s all for now,’ Brian says, standing up slowly, indicating the meeting is now over, for him at least. ‘First thing first, hire yourselves a new PA and, Joe, learn from Hazel—she can show you the ropes.’

      As I stand to leave, Brian asks me to stay for a bit to sort out a few more items and asks Joe to settle himself into his office. Joe smiles and stands. He’s about six-three I guess. Good height for a girl of five foot nine and a half—which I happen to be. Yes, have decided we would look good together, if we ever get it together. Not that we will of course. Not that I will allow myself to.

      He shakes Brian’s hand and then turns to shake mine. I’m doing very well. I think I’m doing very well. I give him a firm strong handshake, look into his deep brown eyes and smile naturally.

      ‘I look forward to working with you.’

      Joe smiles warmly, disconcertingly says nothing as though he hasn’t heard me, or has read my body language and blushes and has already sussed me out completely, and leaves the room with one almost graceful movement.

      I turn round and sit down. Brian is grinning at me from ear to ear.

      ‘So you like him, then?’

      ‘Well, yes, I’m sure he comes well recommended, Brian. I didn’t see the need of having another partner, as you well know, but I’m sure he can help with the workload.’

      ‘Got something about him, hasn’t he? I think the female clients will like him. We’re doing well on the male front because of you, Hazel, but we need more female clients and they prefer a man to represent them. I personally don’t see why this is as female lawyers are invariably tougher than male ones.’

      ‘That’s rather sexist if I may say so, Brian, but you’re probably right. I’m sure he’ll go down well. I think he’s a bit too good-looking. You know what some of these female clients are like. Vulnerable, and in walks this handsome man and hey presto, chemistry.’

      ‘That’s rather sexist of you if I may say so, Hazel. Joe is professional, will be professional and undoubtedly good for business. And as far as business is concerned sex has everything to do with it, as you well know. Half your clients fall in love with you when they meet you, and inevitably trust your judgement. It’s all about building confidence and if they like you, well, it helps.’

      ‘Yes, I know. He will be fine, I’m sure.’ I try to sound as nonchalant as possible without sounding too blasé about Joe Ryan’s appointment. But I know Brian reads me like a book. Thank goodness I’m not as transparent in court.

      ‘I СКАЧАТЬ