Putting Alice Back Together. Carol Marinelli

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СКАЧАТЬ just…’ His voice trailed off and then, because he knows me, because he knew that even if I wasn’t boohooing, even if there were no tears, I was actually crying. We had promised, promised that no relationship would ever come between our friendship, and now it seemed one was.

      Dan gives the nicest cuddles.

      I stood in the kitchen and I just leant on him, I smelt him and it was the nicest place in the world to be and I didn’t want to let him go, I didn’t want him going back to Matthew, but I knew if I stamped my foot too hard, then it would be a long time till I saw him again. That Matthew would up the bloody curfew, so I trod carefully.

      ‘Make me a coffee, then,’ I said to his chest.

      ‘Serious?’

      ‘Sure.’ I felt him smile, felt him relax as I made it easier for him. ‘Anyway, I’ve got to ring Mum tonight and sometimes she talks for hours.’ He kissed the top of my head and then he loosened his arms and smiled down at me and I smiled back.

      Dan, the only guy on this planet I can look straight in the eye.

      ‘I love you, Alice.’

      ‘I know.’

      ‘I am here for you.’

      ‘I know.’ Yeah, take that, Matthew, I thought, you can bitch and moan and whine, but you’ll never break up our friendship.

      ‘One won’t kill, I guess…’ He picked up the margarita and rolled his eyes in bliss as he took a sip.

      ‘You’ll get me in trouble with Matthew,’ I warned.

      ‘We just won’t tell him.’

      I felt a rush of relief as he came back to me, a whoosh of euphoria as whatever crisis had loomed was somehow averted.

      Dan was back and together we always had a ball.

      We just didn’t that night.

      He asked about my work, but I didn’t want to just talk about that. ‘I’m worried about Roz,’ I said, hoping that would get him going. He loved a gossip, but Dan rolled his eyes.

      ‘I really think she’s depressed.’

      ‘I’d be depressed if I looked like that,’ Dan said. ‘No wonder her husband left—you’d slash yourself if you had to wake up to that face every morning.’

      ‘But he didn’t leave her.’ I frowned as much as my Botoxed forehead would allow. ‘It was the other way around—Roz left him. Though God knows why, he was gorgeous. Gorgeous,’ I added for effect, and Dan shot me a look of disbelief. ‘She says they married way too young and that she felt stifled, that she needed to find herself.’

      ‘Find a bigger McDonald’s outlet more like.’ Dan pursed his lips and then he glanced at his watch and I felt a flutter of panic, so I quickly changed the subject to Dan’s favourite.

      Me!

      That was a joke.

      My career, or lack of it.

      I hated my job. I knew, I knew, in these times it was good to have a job—but, frankly, I didn’t know if I would for much longer. I did the website as well sometimes, thanks to Dan pushing me to do a course, but mainly I sat with headphones on, typing up birth, marriage and death notices, announcements, stuff for sale, jobs, that sort of thing. We used to do more dating ads, that was fun, but everything was moving to the internet, not just dating—and what with eBay (love it, love it), I couldn’t see my job lasting much longer.

      So I told him all about my worries, that I was sure management was up to something, hoping he’d be so consumed by my problems, that he’d fill up his glass. ‘I’m probably just being pessimistic.’

      ‘You’re being realistic,’ Dan said, which made the knot in my stomach tighten. ‘Everyone’s cutting back. You need to get some real qualifications.’ I hadn’t really wanted a doom-and-gloom careers appraisal. I wanted him to say that I’d been there nine years, that of course my job was safe, but Dan had said all he was going to. He looked at his watch again and I knew, despite the win with the margarita, I was about to lose my audience. ‘I’ve got to go, Al,’ he said. ‘I’m exhausted.’

      It wasn’t even nine, but I followed him to the door, determined not to push him to stay again, and I accepted his hug and kiss goodnight.

      ‘Think about it,’ Dan said.

      ‘Think about what?’

      ‘What we spoke about the other week—you really need to think about going back to your studies.’

      ‘I could never afford it.’ I thought of my credit cards, the rent, the car payments, but Dan disagreed.

      ‘You can’t afford not to, Alice. You’ve got talent. Don’t waste it. Take a package if one’s offered and get yourself to university.’

      I knew he was right. I guess he’d said what I wanted deep down to hear, even if I didn’t really want to hear it now.

      I tried to ring Mum but the line was busy, so I tried Bonny, but her line was busy too.

      I tried Mum again and guessed she must be talking to Bonny.

      I even contemplated ringing Eleanor, but she was so much older, we just weren’t that close and it was always awkward when I called.

      So I tried Bonny again and I got Lex.

      ‘Oh, hi.’ I was surprised. Normally Bonny answered the landline.

      ‘Bonny’s in the bath,’ Lex said. ‘Do you want me to get her to call you?’

      ‘It’s nothing important. How are the kids?’

      ‘Feral! Look, while I’ve got you…’ And then there was a pause. ‘Let me just close the door.’ I felt my insides turn to liquid. ‘Sorry, I don’t want her to hear.’

      My hand was shaking so much I could barely get my drink to my mouth. ‘You haven’t forgotten about next Saturday.’

      ‘Of course not.’

      ‘It’s just…’ And then I heard Bonny’s voice in the background and Lex lowered his. ‘Can you make a special effort?’ And then his voice was back to normal. ‘It’s your sister.’

      I chatted to Bonny, but my heart wouldn’t stop thumping and thankfully, given she was dripping wet, we didn’t talk for long.

      I was all unsettled. I took the blender over to the computer and filled up my glass. I searched universities and entrance criteria and it was just too confusing so I checked my horoscope, which said now was a good time to give up bad habits but there was nothing about my finances or love life improving.

      So I checked another and I checked another and then something caught my eye.

      Cosmic Love by Yasmin Boland.

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