Galilee. Clive Barker

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СКАЧАТЬ her gaze, if it rests on you for more than a moment, like a physical thing. She’s not a tall creature, my Marietta—a little over five feet without her boots—and now the immensity of chair she was sitting in, and the silly-sweet smile on her face, diminished her almost to a child. It wasn’t hard to imagine my father behind her, his huge arms wrapped around her, rocking her. Perhaps she imagined it too, sitting there. Perhaps it was that memory that made her say:

      “Do you feel sad these days? I mean, especially sad?”

      “What do you mean: especially sad?”

      “Well I know how you brood in here—”

      “I don’t brood.”

      “You shut yourself away.”

      “It’s by choice. I’m not unhappy.”

      “Honestly?”

      “I’ve got all I need here. My books. My music. Even if I’m desperate, I’ve got a television. I even know how to switch it on.”

      “So you don’t feel sad? Ever?”

      As she was pressing me so hard on the subject, I gave it a few more moments of thought. “Actually, I suppose I have had one or two bouts of melancholy recently,” I conceded. “Nothing I couldn’t shake off, but—”

      “I hate this gin.”

      “It’s English.”

      “It’s bitter. Why do you have to have English gin? The sun went down on the Empire a long time ago.”

      “I like the bitterness.”

      She pulled a face. “Next time I’m in Charleston I’m going to bring you some really nice brandy,” she said.

      “Brandy’s overrated,” I remarked.

      “It’s good if you dissolve a little cocaine in it. Have you ever tried that? That gives it a nice kick.”

      “Cocaine dissolved in brandy?”

      “It goes down so smoothly, and you don’t get a nose filled with grey boogers the next morning.”

      “I don’t have any need for cocaine. Marietta. I get along quite well with my gin.”

      “But liquor makes you sleepy.”

      “So?”

      “So you won’t be able to afford so much sleepiness, once you get to work.”

      “Am I missing something here?” I asked her.

      She got up, and despite her contempt for my English gin, refilled her glass and came to stand behind my chair. “May I wheel you out onto the balcony?”

      “I wish you’d get to the point.”

      “I thought you Englishmen liked prevarication?” she said, easing me out from in front of my desk and taking me around it to the french windows. They were already wide open—I’d been sitting enjoying the fragrance of the evening air when Marietta entered. She took me out onto the balcony.

      “Do you miss England?” she asked me.

      “This is the most peculiar conversation…” I said.

      “It’s a simple question. You must miss it sometimes.”

      (My mother, I should explain, was English; one of my father’s many mistresses.)

      “It’s a very long time since I was in England. I only really remember it in my dreams.”

      “Do you write the dreams down?”

      “Oh…” I said. “Now I get it. We’re back to the book.”

      “It’s time, Maddox,” she said, with a greater gravity than I could recall her displaying in a long while. “We don’t have very much time left.”

      “According to whom?”

      “Oh for God’s sake, use your eyes. Something’s changing, Eddie. It’s subtle, but it’s everywhere. It’s in the bricks. It’s in the flowers. It’s in the ground. I went walking near the stables, where we put Poppa, and I swear I felt the earth shaking.”

      “You’re not supposed to go there.”

      “Don’t change the subject. You are so good at that, especially when you’re trying to avoid your responsibility.”

      “Since when was it—”

      “You’re the only one in the family who can write all this down, Eddie. You’ve got all the journals here, all the diaries. You still get letters from you-know-who.”

      “Three in the last forty years. It’s scarcely a thriving correspondence. And for God’s sake, Marietta, use his name.”

      “Why should I? I hate the little bastard.”

      “That’s the one thing he certainly isn’t, Marietta. Now why don’t you just drink your gin and leave me alone?”

      “Are you telling me no, Eddie?”

      “You don’t hear that very often, do you?”

      “Eddie…” she simpered.

      “Marietta. Darling. I’m not going to throw my life into turmoil because you want me to write a family history.”

      She gave me a sharp little look and downed her gin in one throatful, setting the glass on the balcony railing. I could tell by the precision of this motion, and her pause before she spoke, that she had an exit line in readiness. She has a fine theatrical flair, my Marietta.

      “You don’t want to throw your life into turmoil? Don’t be so perfectly pathetic. You don’t have a life, Eddie. That’s why you’ve got to write this book. If you don’t, you’re going to die without having done a damn thing.”

       III

      i

      She knew better of course. I’ve lived, damn her! Before my injury I had almost as great an appetite for experience as Nicodemus. I take that back. I was never as interested in the sexual opportunities afforded by my travel as he was. He knew all the great bordellos of Europe intimately; I preferred to wander the cathedrals or drink myself into a stupor in a bar. Drink is a weakness of mine, no question, and it’s got me into trouble more than once. It’s made me fat too. It’s hard, of course, to stay thin when you’re in a wheelchair. Your backside gets big, your waistline spreads; and Lord, my face, which used to be so well made I could walk into any gathering and take my pick of the female company, is now pasty and round. Only in my eyes might you glimpse the magnetism I once exercised. They are a peculiar color: mingled flecks of blue and gray. The rest СКАЧАТЬ