It’s Just a Date: A Guide to a Sane Dating Life. Greg Behrendt

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СКАЧАТЬ in a personal crisis because don’t even kind of like yourself or think you deserve good things. If you’re running for the title in the Miss Victim Of Her Own Life you definitely have a good shot but I’d suggest you step down from that pageant and try to get involved in the Miss I Like Myself competition. And by the way, who cares if your best friend is prettier than you and why is it that you like her better than you like yourself? If you want anyone including the guy at work to like you, you have to start liking yourself first. As for the catching a break part, you have to make your own breaks and optimize those before the universe will start dropping them at your feet. So next time you drop your mobile phone down the toilet just turn to the guy you like at work and playfully say, “Which do you think is hotter, that I dropped my phone in the toilet or that I went in after it?” Or “I’d offer you my phone so you can call my voicemail to ask me out but it’s on vacation in the ladies’ room.” Be confident, have a sense of humor about life’s little trials and see if you can’t give yourself a break!

      FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE

      But What If It’s Not Me It’s Them?

      Dear Greg,

      Women never like me so dating sucks. I’m the assistant manager of a small women’s boutique so I’m around women all the time and I overhear their conversations about men. You should hear the load of crap they say. They talk about not caring if guys have money and just wanting to be taken out on a real date. And then in the next sentence they talk about their expensive dates with the guys with money going to a fancy restaurant in town. They’re all phonies. Where’s the girl who is going to be super excited to go out for McRibbs with me in my Honda when she could be out with some guy with money and a cool car? Seriously f*#k it.

       Brad

       Fargo, ND

       Dear Bad Braditude,

      I hear you and I get what you are saying and I think you are right. You don’t have enough money, so give up and stop dating altogether, then you’ll have more time to pick out the small apartment where you are destined to die alone. (Make sure it has no windows or a view of the alley where the dumpsters are.) Or you can A) not worry about girls who are only interested in guys with money, B) figure out ways to be creative with the money you have and C) figure what kind of life you want to have. But before you do all that I’d say you should take a good long look at how you feel about women because from your letter it seems like you hate all of them as well as yourself. With all due respect I don’t know anyone that would sign up with someone with that attitude and lack of self-esteem. You’re surrounded by women all day—that’s a giant opportunity that not all guys have and if you took advantage of it and learned how to be charming and funny instead of pissed off at all the women you’re surrounded by you’d probably be in high demand for dates instead of being rejected by them. And by the way there are far more attractive things than money, like for instance confidence. You should try to get some of that. It’ll get you further in life than a wad of cash.

      THE CHICK THAT ROCKED IT

      I’m not going to pretend that I’ve never been the kind of guy that doesn’t take advantage of a good opportunity with girls. I don’t know if it’s a “Daddy” thing or what but some girls let you walk all over them or treat them like shit. When we were still in college the guys would all sit around and compare notes about it. So after college I expected that it would probably be different once I was in the business world working with professionals instead of sorority girls. But even the most successful women are so starved for male attention that they’ll let you go all the way without even promising them a phone call. It’s wild. So I was riding the wave of no strings attached for many years until I met Susan. Susan wasn’t having any of my bullshit and wasn’t even kind of amused by it. For the longest time I couldn’t figure out what it was that made her different but I was so fascinated by her. She was smart, sexy and confident, which is great, but I had been with women like that before. She was pretty-ish but had a good size nose that she should have been self-conscious about but wasn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and she couldn’t care less about me. I tell you I have never worked so hard for a first, second or third date as I did to get Susan to go out with me. The more time I spent with her the more I was intrigued by her, but it wasn’t until years later when we were living together that I finally figured out why she was different from every girl I had ever dated before. She liked herself and didn’t need my approval in the slightest bit. So I married her before she could realize that I lacked those qualities myself and I hope that I somehow get to learn them from her before she figures me out. Why women settle for scraps I’ll never understand, but as long as they do guys are happy to reap the benefits from it.

      Tim

      Denver, CO

      IT WORKED FOR ME!

      I met you guys at a singles mixer for “It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken” in Seattle. During a Q&A session I told you about my last relationship with a verbally abusive man and the subsequent breakup of it and you were both very supportive of my decision to leave (a decision I was regretting at the time). When you spoke to me one of you said that I didn’t think I deserved anything better than being in an abusive relationship and I told you that you were wrong. You continued to challenge me on that idea and it really hurt my feelings because I like to think of myself as a pretty together person who likes herself. But when I got home that night I looked at the pictures in frames around my house, seeing images of myself as a little girl with my parents and at various stages of my life and I burst into tears. I cried for a long time and it was a therapeutic crying jag but during it, or maybe what caused it, was the realization that you were right. If I really felt like I deserved better I wouldn’t have stood for the abuse as long as I did and it wouldn’t have been hard to leave. So it’s a few years later now and I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself and seeing a therapist to try to figure out why I constantly compromise myself for others that wouldn’t do the same for me. I feel like a different person, a clearer person and a more confident and valuable person. Today I’m happy to write to you to tell you that I’ve met a wonderful man who loves and reveres me as much as I do myself and we’re getting married this fall. (Please see the enclosed invitation.) I hope you can attend because you really did change my life, but no need to bring a gift as you’ve already given me one.

      Mavis

      Kirkland, WA

      FIRST PERSON SINGLE by Amiira

      I settled for pieces of the pie for a long time in my romantic history. If there was a guy with only few of the qualities I was looking for but loads of the ones I wasn’t, then I was on board! Or better yet, if there was a guy who wasn’t ready to commit but could muster up just enough effort СКАЧАТЬ