Out of the castle. Olga Zhvan

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СКАЧАТЬ lade, in the center of which there was the waterfall of the stunning beauty, with crystal clear flowing water sprays. It was falling from the top of the hill there were neat rounded gray stone steps to that top. Green juicy grass was like a soft carpet underfoot, tall trees were around the glade like impassable wall, but it caused a sense of security more than the limited sense of freedom.

      With a running start Aurelia dived into the waterfall, the water in which, as she expected was icy, but at the same time gave an unprecedented sense of purity and freshness. Dabbling, diving and swimming she felt joy and lightness, which had not been felt for a long time, surrounded by weird people and immersed in saturated freak accidents days. After long swimming, Aurelia came out of the water and wandered around the meadow, where among the lush grass she found many beautiful fragrant flowers. The mood was good, flowers developed in a colorful wreath, birds invisible to a look filled surrounding space with modulations of the voices. Having stopped twining a wreath, the girl set it up on her head and felt taste of flower bitterness, beauty and marvelous aromas somewhere in herself, and her consciousness responded with recognition of reflection. After, she rose came up the hill, and rather a curiosity, than conscious pushed her. On top of a hill in the land she found a hole, like a small volcano muzzle of steaming. Kneeling down on the grass next to it, she held out her hands to the center in a vain attempt to feel the heat, but, as already guessed Aurelia, instead of the heat she felt cool, which filled the girl with power and energy. The girl felt as if there were no sleepless nights, exhausting maze of unanswered questions, there was not dying, whom she was giving, for some strange reason, her life.

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      – I had to bring you here before.

      Aurelia shuddered and opened her eyes; she still stood in front of the fireplace, stretching her hands out towards it in a futile attempt to keep warm. She turned around and saw the executioner. As usual, he was looking at her without a shadow of a smile, but only as a scientist watching the unknown little animal and who does not know what to expect from it in the next moment.

      – You can no longer help. For some time. You have no shades.

      – What shades?

      – Shades of colors.

      – What colors?

      – Feelings…

      – So shades of colors or feelings?

      – Is there a difference between them?!

      The dialogue seemed kind of weird; such answers were more suited a teenage girl, who is doing her best to look like as enigmatic person, but not a man of forty. Moreover, it was quite strange to hear about feelings from the emotionless executioner, who not so long ago absolutely calmly tortured his next victim. However, the executioner answered in all seriousness, he believed in what he was saying and hoped that the girl can understand his words. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Aurelia felt that answer is here, but she cannot formulate the right question. As a chain of words chosen intuitively in which each next word leads a researcher further and further, and one wrong word can turn that chain in something that has a completely different meaning.

      – Where am I? – Aurelia asked, trying to ask questions that she prepared earlier.

      – You had better ask who you are! – answered the executioner without any changes on his face.

      «Seems like a series of platitudes» – the girl thought. She was silence and did not say these words, however, her facial expression betrayed her – she had a look of frustration on her face.

      – Reflects only what others have to see, – the executioner said, – you have to hide the extra rays, let them shimmer only in your eyes…

      The girl felt absolutely confused, she simply could not understand what that gloomy man was talking about. But when he started talking about eyes, the girl took a closer look at him, after what she could not take her eyes off the executioner. His eyes were shimmering with the all known and unknown to her colors; colors changed drastically after each flicker of eyelashes, and in between they smoothly flowed into shades, blinks, and a whirl of sparks. «Maybe it is just a flame reflection» – the girl thought. Sparkling eyes on his deadpan face looked quite strange. The executioner had a hard-featured face; however, very romantic personages would consider his face as a strong, and perhaps quite an attractive. But Aurelia was difficult to see in him something attractive, image of that same man in a long black bloody apron made from leather, who was holding bloody knives in his hands, put into the shade any other view.

      – Cruelty – it is also a color. It is deep, cold and heavy, and it has metallic taste.

      – Who am I? – The girl asked, wanting to stop the senseless, as she thought, conversation, and fostering a vague hope to understand more fully her present location. She got no answers and added: – Am I your prisoner?

      – You are a healer and your duty is to give, to heal, to be there, where other people need you, and to give a hand to those, who need it.

      – You locked me up here. He did not ask me about anything!

      – Are you sure?! – His voice was calm and quiet, he hardly moved his lips, however, it made her skin crawl, she already knew, what the executioner says next: – And how, do you think, you got here then?!

      The girl felt the dawn of some understanding, she understood that all events that take place here are correct, but in the same moment she intentionally suppressed all these feelings. Previously, she was not able to stop so quickly the exhausting internal monologues. Usually thoughts were sliding in her head against her will, taking her with them to exhausting trips that were a sheer waste of time. Again she missed something. The girl felt again the same feeling of frustration and tried to get under control her facial expression.

      – I said to hide rays, not to extinguish them.

      – What? – A frustration quickly changed to a strong irritation.

      – A frustration – has a sound of a weight fallen on the stone floor, loudly and unpleasantly, continues increasingly with a long echo, it is mud-colored and has bitter and astringent flavour. An irritation – a buzzing sound of mosquito, sour and taints readily, shades of swamps with stagnant water. All these colors are in your eyes. The sense – the sound – the taste – the color. Furthermore, everything has its own shape, manifestation – but we'll talk about it later. You still have neither understanding nor feeling, without them it all makes no sense. But you need to get the fullness of life. For that you need to remember too much… Or get to know… Or understand what you already know… It is your choice. But you have a little time. Return the soul into the body is much more difficult than to heal the wounds.

      The girl still couldn't understand. She was already close to despair, when suddenly she sank down on the floor near the fireplace with a cold white flame and burst into tears. A state of helplessness, confusion, illogicality and unreality filled every nook and cranny of her mind.

      – You have to accept it. As long as you are empty inside, you will have nothing to give others…

      He calmly went across the large dimly lit hall towards the big wooden table, which was covered with plain linen tablecloth. On the table were standing candlesticks with burning candles, bowls with hot porridge, fruit on trays and polished gleaming silver cutlery.

      «I need coffee… What am I doing here… How did I get here… Where am I… – the girl thought, sinking deeper and deeper into the smoky bitterness of her own powerlessness, – I need coffee so much…».

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