The Parental Leave Playbook. Sue Campbell

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Author's Note

      THIS BOOK WAS written during a global pandemic, social justice protests, climate catastrophes, and extreme political division. At points, our stock market crashed, our hospitals nearly did, our Capitol fell under siege, our loved ones got sick, and unimaginable numbers of them died. Our social safety net was tested and found sorely lacking. Record numbers of people became homeless, and those of us who didn't couldn't safely leave our houses. Our schools and workplaces shut down, and parents had to somehow figure out how to keep working—while also serving as online school navigators or homeschool teachers and loving moms and dads.

      There wasn't a lot about 2020 and early 2021 that most of us had ever experienced before. It was the definition of a world in transition and often pure chaos. There were genuine moments of dread when we asked ourselves if we would get to the other side intact—as individuals, as a country, and as an interdependent world.

      Over a year into it, we are only now beginning to lift our heads to notice that we have also been given some invaluable gifts during this time.

For many, our relationships with our loved ones have moved back into center position after being pushed aside by work for too long. Nurturing our physical and mental health has taken on new significance and priority. Where our careers may have felt off-track, job loss (either from being let go or being forced to quit for caregiving duties) has created an opening to realign our work with our values. Indeed, our guiding values have taken on deeper significance as we search for meaning amid so much trauma.

      These gifts that we couldn't have imagined just a year ago now exist and are real. They will alter our perspective of the future as well as how we live each day. We wouldn't have developed our new priorities and enhanced awareness if we hadn't first weathered and persevered through the storm.

      As much as the polarization of 2020 tried to force everyone into opposing camps, the aftermath is reminding us a healthy system cannot be either/or. You cannot have happiness without sadness, light without shadow, skill without practice, growth without challenge. It is the same with the transition that happens during the parental leave time frame, though on a personal scale.

      When it comes to parental leave, our country is also at a historic moment of transition. We see clearly that the system is broken and employers and employees need better support. However, while the transition may be under way, it is far from complete.

      We have never had a nationwide paid family leave policy in the United States, and, although some will fight against it, we soon will. We have never had a robust field of parental leave coaching and support, but again, we soon will. We don't yet have a standard parental leave practice or process, but with this book as a start, that too is coming. If the analogy is an employee announcing a pregnancy, then as a country we have just announced to our manager that we are expecting, and they have dropped their head into their hands and promptly responded, “Oh, crap. What am I supposed to do now?” We have a chaotic situation without a clear and shared understanding about how to fix it, and we are not yet to the part where the gifts that come with the chaos are obvious. But we will be there soon.

      In the meantime, you're about to welcome a child and you want or need to keep working. It is foundational to your family's future that you feel successful as a parent and in your work.

Although (most) everyone has the best of intentions, many companies don't know what good policy and practice need to be, and managers are woefully unprepared to support their new parent employees. Employees, for their part, often have no idea the extent to which their transition to parenthood will cause a major life upheaval for themselves and those around them.

      Please don't read this book and think that if your transition is challenging, you're doing it wrong. You are in a broken system. It won't get fixed in time to give you the transition you deserve. But, this book will give you the tools to make it the best transition possible under the circumstances.

      Know that there are people working on fixing the system and there are things within your personal power that will help you carve out a beautiful parental leave experience.

      In a culture that likes to push us into us versus them and either/or thinking, my hope is that this book makes the case and provides the tools that instead lead us down the path of both/and. A path that has us asking ourselves: How can employers and employees approach the parental leave transition from a place of partnership and possibility? How can managers and direct reports serve as each other's advocates and allies? How can we support each other to set things up well for companies and families within an imperfect system? How can we make sure that together we build a parental leave culture that is not either/or but is exquisitely both/and? If we keep these questions at the forefront, I have no doubt that together we will find transformative solutions along the way.

       —Amy Beacom, EdD