A Question of Marriage. Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey

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СКАЧАТЬ might have persistently evaded my path, or had the bad taste to prefer another woman when he was found? It is not as if I were already in love.”

      Jean drew her brows together in wistful inquiry. The doubt in her mind was so transparently expressed that Vanna referred to it as to a spoken question.

      “I know what you are thinking. Edward Verney! You think my regrets hover round him. It’s not true, Jean, it’s not true. I had forgotten his very existence until I saw your face. If I had cared, surely my thoughts would have flown to him first of all. He is only a ‘might-have-been.’ I had reached the length of noticing the way his hair grows on his forehead, and his nice, close ears—that was a danger-signal, I suppose; and I acknowledge that I have dressed with an eye to his taste, but it has gone no deeper. I shall be sorry, but it won’t hurt to end our friendship.”

      “Then why need you—”

      “Oh!” Vanna laughed lightly. “I think he admires my—ears also! If we saw more of each other we should grow nearer; I realise that, therefore we must separate with all speed. As things are, he won’t suffer any more than I. He is just a dear, simple, unimaginative Englishman, who needs to have things pushed very conspicuously before his eyes before he can see them. He knows that I have gone away for a long change after the strain of Aunt Mary’s illness. It will be some months before it dawns upon him that my holiday is exceeding its limit; and by that time my image will have lost its freshness. He will be sorry, but he won’t attempt to follow. He’ll say to his friends, ‘pity Miss Strangeways has left the place. She was a jolly girl.’ But if all had been well, I might have been his wife—”

      There was silence for several minutes. Each girl was thinking deeply of the future; pondering over the difficulty of mapping out a life which seemed to have no settled direction, Vanna had many gifts, but no one outstanding talent. Until this moment she had never dreamt of taking up any work outside the domestic circle; but it would be impossible to fritter away life in the care of self alone. What could she do? She herself had announced her decision of leaving her native town. Where could she live? After puzzling the problem in a circle for several minutes, Jean ventured another timid question.

      “Have you thought, dear; have you any idea what you will do?”

      “I have thought. Yes! I know I must leave Coverley, but that is as far as I can get. I must wait until I have calmed down and can think it out quietly. But I should like to be near you, Jean. You are the person I care for most on earth, and failing a personal romance I must take you for my lifelong love. You won’t want me always. When you are happy you will be independent of my services; but you can’t always be happy. There must come times when you are ill, or anxious, or miserable, when I shall have my chance. You will need a woman then. When the babies are teething; when the boiler bursts on Christmas Eve, and the cook leaves at an hour’s notice; when you want to make jam, or re-cover the furniture, or to leave everything behind, and go off honeymooning with your husband, ‘send for Vanna’ must be a household word. I shall be your ‘Affliction Female,’ always ready to be called in in an emergency. Fancy me an ‘Affliction Female.’ ”

      “A Consolation Female!” corrected Jean softly, and Vanna looked at her with a lightening eye.

      “That’s better. Thank you, Jean. Well, that will be one object in life—to help you, when you need help. You will marry, of course. It is impossible to think that any man could refuse to love you if you wished it, and the time will come when you will wish. It will be a tremendous interest to know your home, and your husband, and children. Dr. Greatman told me that I was to compare my life as a spinster with the life of married women … I’ll compare it with yours. There will be moments when I shall be gnawed with envy, but perhaps, who knows? there may be times when you may envy me in return. At any rate, you’ll be sweet to me, dear—I know that; and you must let me help you to entertain the dull bores, and keep the charming eligibles out of my way. I don’t want to be driven away by a second Edward Verney. It’s a mercy I am only ‘interesting,’ and not a beauty, like you.”

      “Yes, it is,” sighed Jean, in unthinking agreement.

      Vanna’s lips twitched, her eyes flashed a humorous glance at her own reflection in the glass at the opposite end of the room.

Chapter Three.

       Table of Contents

      The Rose Waits.

      The evening after her interview with the doctor, Vanna Strangeways accompanied her friend to a ball, and had her first experience of society under the altered mental conditions of her life. Her first impulse had been to excuse herself and stay at home, but she was an unusually reasoning creature for her twenty-three years, and a short mental cross-examination was sufficient to reject the idea, “Can I go to her and say, ‘Jean, I am sorry; it is impossible that I can marry any of the men at the ball, so I would rather not go’? What nonsense, what folly, what degradation!” She put on her prettiest frock, spent an extra ten minutes over her hair; and even beside the radiant beauty of Jean in her pale pink tarlatan, attracted notice as one of the most interesting and distinguished of the dancers.

      The floor was good, the music inspiriting, her programme was filled from beginning to end. She tried bravely to enjoy the evening in her old, unthinking fashion, and was furious with herself because she failed. There was no use denying the fact: something had disappeared which had been there before, the absence of which strangely transformed the scene—an interest, a zest, a sense of mystery and uncertainty. They had lain so far in the background that she had not realised their presence, but they had been present all the same. Each strange man to whom she had been introduced held within his black-coated form a dazzling possibility; her young eyes searched his face even as his searched hers—alert, critical, inquiring; for the moment each represented to the other the mystery, the fascination of sex. After the dance, as they sat talking lightly in some cool shade the inner voice in each brain was holding a council of its own: “Who, and what are you, inside that smiling form; what sort of a man, what sort of a woman? Do you, can you, by any possible chance, belong to me?”

      The modern young man and maiden may indignantly deny that such a feeling, conscious or unconscious, has any bearing on their social joys. Vanna belonged to an age far more frankly sentimental than to-day, but she also protested, and felt humiliated when convicted against her will. Yet what shame can there be in the acknowledgment of a natural magnetic force? Empty a ballroom of all except relations within the prescribed calendar, set a man to dance with his sisters and aunts, a girl with her brothers and uncles—would any one of the number dare to maintain that enjoyment continued in the same ratio?

      Vanna was fond of dancing, but not to the same extent as Jean, who often declared that she would waltz with a clothes-prop sooner than not waltz at all. With Vanna the enjoyment of movement was always subservient to the mental pleasure of meeting and talking to new partners. She preferred a good conversationalist to a good waltzer, but this evening the ordinary topics of the ballroom seemed painfully lacking in savour; she could feel in them no interest, no merriment, no curiosity; her partner’s words seemed to float past, a dull, wearisome echo that had no meaning in her ears. She was as one who had returned home after long wandering in a foreign land, to find herself helplessly out of her element. She looked at the gay stream of dancers as across a gulf. Two days ago she had been one of themselves, as carelessly happy, as confidently gay; now, after the passage of a few short hours, she stood apart, conscious through all her nature that she had outgrown a stage; had passed on, and left her friends behind.

      Vanna’s partners were at a loss to understand her dullness and lack of response, for she had СКАЧАТЬ