Hope & Healing for Transcending Loss. Ashley Davis Bush

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      February 1

      What if your final conversation was not a heartfelt, loving moment? What if your final conversation was an argument or an unkind word? It's time to forgive yourself for being human. You didn't know that it would be your last interaction—nor did they. Your ticket to freedom is forgiving yourself. Yes, you wish it could have unfolded differently, but you are left with the reality of what actually happened. They have forgiven you; now it's your turn.

      Today

      Breathe in acceptance, breathe out guilt. Breathe in forgiveness, breathe out regret.

      February 2

      What happens to the pain over time? It changes and evolves and transforms and softens. However, some days, even many years later, you may experience a sharp edge—maybe as sharp as in the first few months or years of your grief. This is normal for those living with loss.

      Today

      Remember that in spite of the occasional sharp edge, your grief will soften over time.

      February 3

      Writing about your experience can be incredibly profound. There is something about pulling the feelings through your body with words and then putting them down on paper that is quite therapeutic. Keeping a journal becomes tangible evidence of the journey that you are on. Let your journal be a place of honesty and pure expression.

      Today

      Write your answer to this prompt: “Today, when I think about my loss, I feel . . .”

      February 4

      There is no doubt that you would much rather have your dear one's physical presence next to you. That is a given. However, imagine how much worse it would be if their love was gone as well. But no . . . their love for you is imprinted upon you. Their love for you continues to motivate, console, and comfort you. Likewise, your love for them is ever vibrant and intense. True love never dies.

      Today

      Know that love wraps around you, sits beside you, and shines upon you and out from within you.

      February 5

      Grieving requires a great deal of patience. There is the necessary patience for coping with the process: the ups and downs, the range of feelings, the ebbing pain. There is the stretch of patience for others who do not understand your experience and perpetually say the wrong thing. And there is the patience required for enduring life while you're waiting to reunite with your loved one in eternity.

      Today

      Let yourself rest in the moment. Be patient. The next moment is already on its way.

      February 6

      Immediately after your loved one's death, and even up to a few months later, it's typical to get a lot of support and sympathy. Then people return to their lives, and you are left with your heartbreak. Make sure that you continue to find people who will support you as time goes on. Similarly, be the friend who checks in with other grievers six, twelve, and eighteen months later. It's vital to create your own web of support.

      Today

      Do you know a griever whom you can contact today?

      February 7

      Sometimes, it's easy to cast blame for your loved one's death. You might blame a perpetrator, a doctor, or a legal system. The impulse is strong to find someone to pay for this loss. However, vengeance will not bring back your beloved. And it might keep you stuck in a sort of bitterness. Many have experienced that even when justice is served, a hollowness settles into their hearts.

      Today

      Question your desire to blame others as a possible distraction from your own grief. Let yourself sit with the unvarnished reality of loss.

      February 8

      Grief is not the entire puzzle of your life. Yes, the feelings are huge and overwhelming on many days. However, grief is merely a piece in the puzzle of your life. You have love, a spacious soul, and many opportunities for growth. You are still here for a reason . . . you are lifting off every day into a life of which grief is a part (but not the whole).

      Today

      Know that the puzzle of your life has many important pieces.

      February 9

      Sometimes, you don't want to remember the irritating aspects of your loved one . . . the annoying traits, the arguments, the immaturities. Guess what? We're all human, and therefore subject to various flaws and imperfections. It's okay to remember what you don't miss as well as what you do. Embracing the foibles of your dear one is just as important as honoring their virtues. Everyone is a package deal.

      Today

      You have permission to remember all aspects of your dear one.

      February 10

      Grief is a teacher in your life. It's a teacher that you didn't ask for and don't particularly want. However, it is now a part of your life. Over time, your relationship with grief will change and evolve. Rather than seeing grief as the enemy, see it as an instructor. See what lessons it has for you about living, and honoring life. See what lessons it has for you about dying.