Surrender To Love. Rosemary Rogers

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СКАЧАТЬ her plate while she pretended to occupy herself with cutting into her slice of boiled mutton surrounded by carrots and potatoes. But in spite of all her efforts her mind seethed rebelliously. Slavery! That was what it amounted to. Passed, like a possession, from one man to another; and yet most young women thought like Charlotte, who would consider herself honored if some pompous jackass should consider to ask her father for her hand in marriage. And after that, instead of “Yes, Papa!” and “Of course, Papa!” it would be “Oh yes, Mr. So-and-so!” or “But of course, Mr. So-and-so, you always know what is best for me.” How could any human being with a mind capable of reasoning submit will as well as person so unquestioningly and so passively?

      Thankfully, Mrs. Langford had interrupted herself in order to enjoy her third course, and the sudden quiet that seemed to descend encouraged Alexa to change the angry trend of her thoughts. In that direction lay frustration, she reminded herself wisely. And she had more immediate problems to deal with tonight. Planning—or should she be prepared to improvise instead? It was certain that she would have to wait until the servants had been dismissed to their quarters for the night and most of the house lights extinguished before attempting to slip away. And what should she wear? Something cool and light and not too encumbering nor too showy either. A gown she could feel comfortable in without appearing too dowdy or shabby. Her green cotton with the lace inserts, perhaps? It was at least two years old, of course, and the style had been copied from a fashion journal of the early ’thirties but at least it did flatter her figure as well as show off her shoulders and ankles to advantage. And being a man, Lord Charles probably would not notice in any case. Yes, the green dress would be exactly the thing—not that it really mattered of course, because she had no intention of staying out beyond half an hour at the very most, even if he did propose!

      During the rest of the meal, Sir John, who had noticed and understood the dangerous gleam in Alexa’s slate-dark eyes, made sure that their conversation was steered into safer channels, leaving Mrs. Langford and Charlotte no choice but to follow his lead. Alexa’s mood lightened noticeably and her whole manner became quite animated when the discussion turned to horses and a lively argument ensued regarding the merits and shortcomings of crossbreeding.

      The entrance of Sir John’s dignified-looking butler, carrying a silver tray bearing decanters of port and brandy and a beautifully carved rosewood box containing a variety of the very finest cigars, filled Mrs. Langford, for one, with a feeling of profound relief. She had noticed that her poor Charlotte, like herself, had barely toyed with the last two courses, and had not even had a second helping of the chocolate soufflé. But now, at last, she could with all propriety give the signal for the ladies to retire—and high time too! There had been moments, she thought with an inward shudder of taste, when she knew that she could not prevent herself from blushing at what she could only dare describe, even to herself, as “stable talk.”

      How she had longed to be able to cry out that Charlotte should instantly clap her hands over her ears when certain unpleasant subjects were being discussed far too freely! She could only hope and pray of course that dear Charlotte’s carefully nurtured innocence would protect her; and it was with considerable relief that she had noticed Charlotte’s rather puzzled expression when there were subjects mentioned and blunt terms used that no well-brought-up young lady should have any knowledge of. And that any young woman of good background should actually sit and discuss with such ease and familiarity such unsuitable topics not only reflected badly on her unfortunate parents but was enough to make any other person forced to listen and observe such behavior positively recoil! The blame did not lie with Sir John Travers, who had been a bachelor all his life and was more used to male company, poor man. No, it was the responsibility of a female, if she was indeed a lady, to make haste to change the subject to a more tasteful one. It certainly did not speak well for the education of women if this was its result. Foreign languages, the reading of novels, far too much freedom of both action and thought—all insidious poisons that twisted and corrupted. No wonder poor Charlotte had been almost distraught when they had returned from their excursion on horseback; so torn, the dear soft-hearted creature, between loyalty to another of her own sex and the high moral standards she had been taught.

      “I vow I do not mean to sound uncharitable, Mama, but I have to confess that I could not help longing for the time when we would turn back, in spite of the fact that Mr. Sutherland was so kind to me and showed himself to be so understanding of how I had to feel, and was made to feel. Mama, you know how hard I have tried to make a friend of Miss Howard and to guide her, as you told me I should. But today, why she was flirting quite boldly with Lord Charles, and monopolizing him! Even Mr. Sutherland admitted to me that he could not help being disappointed and rather surprised at her behavior. And then, to make things worse, they began speaking in…Oh, I don’t even know what it was. Some foreign language that sounded like gibberish that none of us could understand; and when I only tried to hint, tactfully, that it was rather rude, she actually snubbed me, Mama! And turned back to him, laughing! And you should have seen the looks they kept exchanging all the while. I have never been so embarrassed in all my life, and my head aches so badly from the strain of it all that I can hardly bear to lift it!”

      At least she could be thankful that Charlotte, poor disillusioned child, had seen for herself the consequences of too much freedom, Mrs. Langford reflected grimly. But even if she put her natural maternal feelings aside, there still remained her Christian Duty towards the young and unfortunately misguided female who had, after all, been placed in her care. Yes, a few words of wisdom and of caution could not be amiss.

      Following her mother’s example, Charlotte had already risen to her feet with alacrity, but Alexa, on the other hand, tried hard to pretend she hadn’t noticed. How on earth, and why, had such a silly custom become established? She didn’t in the least mind the aroma of a good cigar, and she would much rather have continued her interesting conversation with Uncle John instead of being forced to retire with the Langfords.

      “Miss Howard? Will you not deign to join us?”

      Alexa had begun to rise, slowly and unwillingly, when Mrs. Langford’s rather sarcastic reminder of her manners made her angry enough to sit down again and defy both custom and silly women. But in the end, after only an infinitesimal hesitation, her head went up defiantly while her eyes took on a pewter sheen that would have warned anyone who knew Alexa to caution. Even her face seemed to have changed in some subtle way, appearing suddenly older and harder, while her voice seemed to have crystalized into dry ice.

      “I do beg your pardon for being a few seconds tardy in joining you, madame. Thank you for the tactful reminder.”

      So his young Amazon was primed to give battle? Sir John Travers spent a few extra seconds staring thoughtfully at the double doors of polished satinwood bound with brass that had just closed behind the ladies. He was sure that Alexa, with her clever mind and gift for ingenious argument, could hold her own against Mrs. Langford quite easily, if only she could manage not to lose her temper to the extent that she also lost all power of reasoning.

      Sir John sighed rather heavily as he turned back to his brandy and cigar, thinking ruefully as he did that it was a pity indeed that the young had everything except experience and the wisdom and ability to exercise self-control, whereas those like himself who had learned life’s hard lessons no longer had youth or time enough to use the knowledge they had gained. Youth and knowledge and wisdom. Ah, to possess all three gifts at the same time was to rule the world, and perhaps that was why it so seldom happened that way.

      Alexa. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth under his greying mustache as he remembered the leggy colt of a girl she had been when he first encountered her. Even then she had had spirit, an eager, questioning mind, and courage as well. She, and not poor delicate Freddy, should have been the boy, of course; but what was the use in regretting what was? Alexa was no longer a girl but a grown young woman—an attractive young woman too, with a kind of aura about her that made her somehow unique, although she herself was as yet quite unaware of this special quality in herself that would always cause her to be noticed СКАЧАТЬ