Surrender To Love. Rosemary Rogers

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СКАЧАТЬ more sensible than most of the poor, simpering females here; so that I hardly think…”

      “And how sensibly do you imagine you’d continue to think if you should ever imagine yourself to be in love?” Harriet’s voice, as she broke in abruptly, was caustic. “Yes—in love. Madly and unreasonably in love with a man. Happy when he smiles at you and comes to call. Desperately miserable if he smiles at someone else or you do not see him for days. And then? No, don’t shake your head at me in that decided fashion, my dear, for it could happen to you just as easily as it could to anyone else. And pray do not commit the dangerous error of imagining that you are the only female to be miraculously exempt from such a sickness—for that is what it can be like.”

      Alexa’s voice sounded almost startled as she said, “Why, Aunt Harry…!” And then, happening to catch Lord Charles’s eyes for an instant, she was able to look back at her aunt with a brilliant smile before continuing: “Believe me, you can be sure that there is not the slightest danger that I will ever fall in love. How foolish that would be—to become a willing slave to some silly, pompous man and have my happiness depend on his smiles or frowns—for all the world like a fawning hound. Never! You can be assured that you have taught me that much at least! I would much rather have it the other way around and make a man my slave—make him fall madly in love with me….” Lord Charles had begun to make his way towards her in a purposeful manner, until he had been stopped by one of his friends, who had put a hand on his arm. But Alex had not failed to notice that he had watched her all this time and had not danced with any other woman but the Governor’s wife so far.

      Harriet, following the direction of Alexa’s wandering eyes, sighed inwardly, although her dry voice betrayed none of her concern.

      “All well and good, my girl, although I hope you will try not to make your ambitions and your intentions too obvious!” In a milder tone she said, “What I would wish for you is a husband who will understand you and indulge you as well as love you; and that he will be, hopefully, a man that you can respect and care for as well.”

      “Oh yes, I’ve already decided that,” Alexa said a trifle absently. “If I decided to marry I would have to like him of course, or it would never do. And he must be enormously rich into the bargain—otherwise there would be no point in my marrying him at all!”

      “Very sensible! But I do hope that when you make your final choice of a husband it will be after a period of time in which you can come to know each other. There’s an old saying that ‘a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,’ and that applies to men as well. Especially those, titled or not, who might only be visiting Colombo for a day or two at the most.”

      “A day or two? But plans can be changed, can they not? After all, there are always ships that drop anchor here on their way to England.” And then, losing her attitude of confidence, Alexa suddenly stiffened and shot her aunt a dismayed look. “Oh! Oh dear, I had almost forgotten that we might not be staying in Colombo for more than a day or two!”

      “Yes, I thought you might have overlooked that fact while you were so busy plotting and planning. You should have remembered that we were supposed to return home the day after tomorrow.”

      “Were?”

      “Ah! So you caught that, did you? I thought you might, with that sharp mind of yours. Well, I suppose I might just as well tell you now before that poor man you sent off to fetch you a glass of punch returns.” Harriet sent Alexa a silencing look before continuing. “Sir John was kind enough to suggest that you might find it enjoyable to spend a week or two in Colombo as a guest in his home. He thought that you might, in that period of time, have a better opportunity to—shall we say—winnow out those particular young men you might want to allow to continue dangling after you? Hrmph! All of them that I’ve noticed so far act like silly, moonsick calves, but I suppose that’s neither here nor there. In any case, I don’t suppose a short sojourn here would do any harm; and it might prove to be a useful experience—for everyone concerned,” Harriet finished significantly.

      But by then Alexa’s eyes were already fired with excitement and anticipation. “Oh, how I do love Uncle John, and how kind and understanding he is! Do you think I’ll be asked to more balls and parties? And if I am, I don’t think Papa would mind very much the expense of two or three more new gowns, do you? I’m sure there must be excellent tailors here in Colombo…. How long do you think we can stay?”

      “Alexa!” Harriet shook her head, stemming the flow of words. “You must understand that it is quite out of the question for me to stay on here for longer than we had planned. Your mother will need me to see to the household while she is busy nursing Freddy, and your father will need assistance with those tiresome ledgers as usual. And there’s no need for you to wear that martyr’s look, because you know very well that it was I who took care of everything before you were old enough to recite your multiplication tables. No, it has been decided, and you are to stay. I will explain everything to your mama and papa and I am sure they will approve.”

      “But…”

      “If you are wondering if you are to be left without a chaperone, you may put that thought out of your head at once! As you know, the Langfords are presently occupying Sir John’s guesthouse, and I’m quite certain that Mrs. Langford will prove more than adequate as both chaperone and mentor, while her daughter Charlotte…”

      “Oh no! Not the Langfords, of all people! That thin-lipped dragon of a woman who kept looking me up and down as if she wished that she could find some positively dreadful fault in me so that she could gloat over it…and that mealy-mouthed daughter of hers with all the sly insinuations she makes in a sickly sweet voice while she watches me all the while to discover if her barbs have drawn blood…why, I remember saying to you only a short time ago that I could not possibly…”

      Harriet said sharply: “Well, my dear, then you must remember what I said to you in reply. I can only tell you that if you wish to stay on in Colombo you will have to put up with the Langfords or you may choose to turn down Sir John’s offer and return home with me instead. I daresay that in time you’re bound to meet some nice young planter…”

      Alexa had been worrying her lower lip with her small, white teeth while Harriet had been speaking, a sure sign that she was attempting to make up her mind. And now, when Harriet paused significantly, she said in a rather sullen voice, “But the Langfords! Why couldn’t it have been anyone else?”

      “Well, my dear, if you could take a completely objective view of the situation, you might be able to consider it a kind of test, perhaps?”

      “A test? I cannot imagine…” Harriet met Alexa’s rather suspicious look with a studiedly impatient shake of her head.

      “Surely you’re sensible enough to realize by now that not everyone you meet will like you or be likeable to you. And yet society and good manners demand that we must be polite and not allow ourselves to be goaded into losing our tempers, which only serves to give others the advantage over us. In other words, you might look on your stay in Colombo, if you choose to stay, as a test of your self-control, perhaps? And of your readiness to go out into a world of other people and survive its perils and pitfalls by being clever enough to use your intelligence instead of being swayed by mere emotion; but perhaps you don’t feel yourself to be ready yet?”

      Harriet saw the effect of her cunning speech as Alexa’s vividly expressive face seemed to harden; and behind the cover of her fan she leaned closer to the girl in order to drive her point home as she added in a low, and almost fierce voice: “You see, my dear Alexa—and you must see, must understand if you are to survive and still remain wholly your own person—the most important lesson of all is control over all the emotional weaknesses that mankind has been cursed with: СКАЧАТЬ